I wrote this in November while I was taking a break from the site, illness makes me not want to interact with people so I bailed for a bit Back and feeling good so thought I would share this.
I haven't been able to visit my Master since the beginning of October. I've been sick since I got back from vacation. I miss him.
E of course is not happy with my absence either, he is eager to play with me lol. While he is horny, I am not, because, well, I am sick. Illness, at least for me, knocks my libido down completely.
My submission has always had a strong sexual component, in part because my libido woke up along with my submissive urges and I needed plenty of Sex Ed 101, which E has provided to both of our satisfaction.
As we chatted last night I told him that I wished we lived closer to each other, because I'd love to have short visits while I'm getting better instead of having to wait until I'm well enough to spend the weekend together. I said that I still feel the need to serve him even though my sexy thoughts are not happening right now.
Since I haven't had this lack of libido since I've known him until now, I had to experience it to truly understand that my slave urges, the need to serve, to obey, is still strong within me even without the sexual urges. I knew that it was part of me, but this experience has helped me feel it inside instead of just knowing it intellectually.
E asked me what I needed, and I said again, I need to serve my Master. He asked me again, his voice getting deeper, and I fumbled a bit more before I finally said, I need to kneel for you Sir. Shiver. He said yes, you needed to remember how that feels, kneeling, looking up at me with that look in your eyes. And I did.
I was thinking about all that this morning when I woke up early. My fever is down but I'm still sick and overall just weak. I took a few days off work to rest. I laid there thinking about some future time, if I'm living with some future Master, would I be ok with him using me for sex while I'm sick?
Yeah, I think so. I mean, it's not likely that he's gonna want something from me while I'm puking in a bucket every 30 minutes or coughing my lungs out with pneumonia. But if I'm in bed resting, not feeling good but not in the throes of whatever agony, if he wants to fuck me, I'm not gonna fight it. I still need to serve and that makes me feel good even if I'm not feeling it sexually. I still want to please him.
Lol and I might feel it sexually anyway given a bit of encouragement. But in my thoughts, he doesn't just use me. He also helps me clean up after, and tucks me back into bed with a fresh glass of water and some Tylenol. He kisses my forehead, smiles - wait what? You don't think that Doms care, or smile? Of course they do! And it's my dream dammit now shut up. If I want to be a hopeful romantic I will. He smiles, and says, "Get some rest little one," before he goes about his day.
Sooo, as I was lying in bed thinking these thoughts, I had an unexpected sexual urge. Lol I took advantage of that and played with my Master's pussy till I had an orgasm, thinking lovely thoughts about our past visits, in the end pushing myself over the edge using a post-hypnotic suggestion that I have permission to use myself when I can't sleep.
Oops - um, I was on a restriction last week for my visit until we realized that I wasn't going to make it and I haven't felt any urges so haven't asked if I'm off restriction? Um, Sir, when you read this, lol I'm asking. But honestly the lovely pleasure and relaxation I got from my first desired orgasm in a couple of weeks would be worth feeling his belt on my ass.
