Make no mistake, that I am a slut in need of training. Not all of us understand our vital role in society as sluts because the training is taken for granted. We all started learning there. Except while some of us graduated from bj class and went on to train in other areas vagina, anal, or kinks. Others of us just studied intensely one subject. Four years of grueling study. By the time I graduated I barely one the names for all my body parts. I grew up sheltered, stunted lil runt.
I knew I was a slut the day I picked up my dad's playboy and saw hot lesbians in leather and chains. It became core for memory for me. I am a bisexual slut, but I wasn't one of the shy ones drawn into escapades. I was the one that no body had talked to, and when they did, I was so worked up trying to figure out normal facial cues, so I could read them. I wanted to join whatever universal understanding they had for knowing it was gonna be a wild party. Time and place were incidental.
So the fool me once, shame on me. That one's cause I didn't know any better. I've had several people message me about how wonderful my blog "First" was. You seem to be missing the point. For a week, I serviced this man's every beck and call. I didn't dream to safe word or say I was uncomfortable when I was. He was Old Guard. A collar meant something once.once. But you're missing a huge part of the story. I was in this man's arms for a week in every position imaginable, and not once did I orgasm. He was awesome until I went back to school and suddenly poof, he's gone with what I was saving for something special. All I have is some cheap costume jewelry he found at Claire's.
From the very first, I was let down. It didn't matter that I'd even taken his punishments stoically. One day I was teeasure, and the next I was trashed. I just keep attracting the same people. My submission is not a game or a joke. When I'm physically forced to disobey, I would really rather die than face the disappointment. The punishment I can handle. The disillusioned sorrow in a Master or Mistress' eyes tear me to my very core.
So when I tell you up front. No I did not keep the plug in all night. I took it out for bodily functions, and when I was finished, I was bleeding, so knowing I would be punished and your cobfidence in me will deflate. I chose not to further exacerbate the problem. I think we can all agree that SSC. If you were with your sub you wouldn't jam it back in when she was already bleeding. (Or maybe you would, and that's your kink and thats ok).
The type Dom/Master I deserve would have asked if I was ok after that hole, so long since use, had been stretched. When I mentioned the,bleeding, he should have asked me if I was ok; had it stopped? First thing I get from you is you better have that plug in your ass, BITCH. You're not worried about me at all. You don't care. From the first, you show you don't care.
I may be a filthy slut. My mind may be so depraved that I should be jailed for my thoughts alone. But even I deserve someone who cares. Submission comes out in stages. Maybe instead on running out of your closet with every toy you own and jabbing them at me, you might wanna dial it down 100 notches.
Maybe I'm wrong in this. Maybe Dom's are either fully off or fully on. But the whole writing in caps thing is so over. No one wants that word popping up in bold big letters so that everyone can read my private business.
