This is something I get and see quiet often and to be honest it's slowly starting to drive me a little nuts..
People often strangers start a comment or message by calling someone sweetheart, honey, baby, good girl ect.
On the surface it seems harmless. For some maybe even being ment as being "polite" or "friendly".
But for many who receive these kinds of messages or replies to comments, it's not friendly. It's not sweet.
Its annoying and uncomfortable and sometimes outright disrespectful.
So I write a few words about why these unsolicited pet names don't land the way you think they do.
Why does it feel off??
When you call someone a pet name, your implying a level of familiarity that simply dosnt exist.
You are trying to fast forward into a space of intimacy with out earning it.
It's like walking up to a stranger at a bus stop and calling them "babe" it's wired...
In the lifestyle context it's even worse.
Words like good girl aren’t just cutesy nicknames here, there part of a power exchange.
They carry meaning in a dynamic and consent.
When you throw those terms at someone you don’t know, your trying to place yourself in a Dominant role they never agreed to.
It's presumptive Dominance plain and simple.
How it makes people feel...
Like their personal space is being invaded.
Like their autonomy is being ignored.
Like their role or identity is being assumed without consent.
Like their being objectified, not engaged with.
And for alot of subs it's not just one message, it's dozens over and over again.
That gets tiring fast.
Eventually people just stop posting, stop replying and disappear all together.
And frankly that's a loss for all of us as a community.
Intent dosnt erase impact.
I know many people don't mean harm.
Sometimes it's bad habits, sometimes it's poor social calibration, sometimes it's just ignorance.
But intention isn't a free pass.
If your words make someone feel uncomfortable or disrespected, then you crossed a line Wether you ment it or not.
Tips on how not to be that person..
Use the name that person gives you to use.
Build a connection before using intimate language.
Understand that pet names are part of negotiated dynamics, not casual conversation starters.
I've rambled enough so in conclusion, if you wouldn't walk up to someone in the real word and call them good girl, or baby before even knowing their name then maybe don't do it online either.
In the lifestyle where consent is supposed to be the core of everything we do, this shouldn't be hard.
Your words say more about you than you think.
Choose them carefully.