It always amazes me when a Dom/me seems near shocked by some of the things I do. No, I'm not talking about the cheeky crap I can do, really, if you know me, that isn't shocking. I mean the acts of service, the kindness, the devotion and attention I show a Dominant. It seems this type of gentility is severely lacking these days, and it's about time to bring submissive service back.
I am not an expert in the field, but I have had many years of being a submissive/bottom/cheeky bear, and I feel I can say with all honesty, that I have been a pleasing partner for many Tops.
So listen up pets, babies, bottoms, slaves, subs, furries, brats and anyone else who has ever been the ying to a Dominant/Top yang, class is about to begin. I hope you brought your pencil, no, I don't have anything to write on.
1a. Being a Top is hard - Okay, let's not even talk about the emotional and mental side for a moment - let's just talk about the basics. Equipment and upkeep of equipment - in a fantasy world, we would like to think that every Top has some Gimp like creature that comes out to scrub clean and put away the ropes and rack after every play date, but that's just not the case. Many Tops are very particular about their equipment - or at least they should be. They scrutinize every inch before that toy touches your body - or again, at least that's what they should be doing. Any sort of damage to equipment could mean issues later on - and who do you think takes care of the upkeep - certainly not you little bottom.
1b. Okay, now for the emotional/mental side of Being a Top is hard - coming up with a scene is a little like writing a Dungeons and Dragons scenario (if you just said what's Dungeons and Dragons, head on over to Wikipedia and look it up...no, it's okay, the class will wait for your troglodyte ass to come out of your cave and into the 20th century). As I was saying, coming up with a scene that meshes your desires/fantasies/wishes/fears with those of your Top can be very difficult to plan. It can be as simple as getting some chain at the local hardware store, or it can be as involved as hiring a van load of Somali pirates (Craigslist or Kijiji is a good starting place...no...really...go look it up). Yes, you do have input, but isn't part of the fun and joy the element of surprise?
Also, Tops are human, and there is always that little glimmer of doubt and trepidation he/she fights every time he/she ties you up, pulls you over his/her knee, cracks a crop across your backside etc. You have to respect that - that someone has these fears and yet fights them to give you an enjoyable, possibly mind blowing experience - props to the Tops.
2. Man that was a long winded 1 wasn't it? Aren't you glad this is typed and not an oral lecture...I sure am. You're still stuck at the word 'oral' aren't you? Freaking perv!
Okay, really, here's number 2. Tops are human - they have interests outside of stringing you up - or hopefully they do - so it might be good to show an interest in your Tops' hobbies or passion. Everyone loves to share their knowledge and passion with others, and it never hurts to bond with your Top over their favourite hobby. If your Top is into photography, maybe do a little research on the subject and ask poignant questions. Maybe they are really into gaming, and you just heard about some new universal gaming system being launched on Kickstarter - mention it to them. Now, some Tops may not be into sharing or including you in life outside of BDSM, and that's fine, but just trying can sometimes mean the world to him/her.
3. Do something nice for your Top - no, sucking harder than Canada's Big Brother on your Top's private no-no spot does not count as doing something nice nwerd! This isn't about money either - so don't go there. Sure, if you can afford it, after a particularly special session, buy them that new flogger they always wanted. However, it's just as special to send them a handwritten thank you note on pretty paper in the mail - I mean, who doesn't love getting something in the mail addressed to them? Sometimes a batch of homemade cookies has the same "Wow, you did this for me?" factor as taking them out on the town.
4. Have one skill that you do very well. Now this can be anything - cooking, massage, cleaning - taxidermy, not so much. Offer that to your Top as service and if that is something they could really use, they will accept. If not, well, it's not a loss, as you have this skill that may just save your life one day...or make you popular with friends and family. If you don't have a skill, perhaps ask your Top if there might be something they would like you to do - and I'm not talking about cleaning the house and maybe breaking something in the hopes of getting your ass whipped - then go and learn that skill. Maybe your Top could really use someone to help them organize their filing system on their computer, or put together a brochure for their vanilla business, or once in a while, they could really use a well done back rub - no, not the 5 minute variety that has a happy ending, asshat.
5. Sometimes a Top needs some space, and it has nothing to do with you. You can't know 24/7 what he/she is going through, and you can't let the negative voice in your head get the better of you. If the relationship is good and you have good communication, you need to trust in that. Peppering your Top with "Don't you love me anymore?" or "Is it me?" or "Did I do something?" messages is just annoying and can drive a wedge into an otherwise great relationship. Ask once, politely, and leave it at that. Give them the same respect and space you would give a friend or loved one. They know you are there, they know you love and care for them and that you are devoted to them, but let them do what they need to do so they can come back to you happy, healthy and focused.
6. Don't assume your Top is going to like something you do, even if you do it for them. If you're a Darwin award candidate and go out getting your schlong split like an Octoberfest kiebasa thinking your Sir or Ma'am will like it because "you did it for them", think again. You didn't do it for them, you did it for you - you were just being selfish. If they want their name branded on your ass, they will tell you - going ahead and doing it is presumptuous and kinda creepy. Also, if your Top is the kind that views your body as their property, you just defiled their property - way to go Wang Chung (another 80's reference - see troglodyte).
Okay class - there's a good start. You have plenty of homework to do - yes, there will be a test on this later. How do you know if you have passed? You'll have a happy Top that looks forward to playing with you each and every time - that's how you know you've passed.
Next week's lecture - How to treat your submissive 101
Class dismissed - now let me show you what I can do with that apple...I can bake a pie...again, freaking perv!
