I need to write on here more aside from just challenges so here we go...
I dream about him often. I don't know why. It was my idea to end things. Does he haunt me because of this or do I haunt myself with guilt? I have no regrets, it was the right thing but, the pain I caused can never be erased. It will permanently be etched into him as a reminder that love no matter the depths it reaches can still drown you. Even when rescued and new breath brings you back to life the reminder will forever burn your lungs. I have nights where I wake in a cool sweat. I could have sworn you were there, that we embraced, but you are long gone. I know that if we ever met face to face again you will not look upon me with kindness as you do in my dreams, but with ill will. I do not blame you for this, as I would feel the same. Not even wanting to be near you but, I do know even in those moments of resentment, there are flashes of fondness. Flashes of what it was like before the last chapter was written. Like when the scent of his cologne hits you and takes you back to a time you were stuck in a rainstorm together. The only way you could stay dry was to press together under an umbrella meant for a child and pray even the tiniest part of you stays dry. Where you are so close his cologne fills up all your senses and even if you do end up soaking wet, you wouldn't change that moment for anything. His smile, your laugh, and the warmth of your bodies together, just like the hurt, the good memories will be there forever too. Maybe that, is why I dream of you.
