Mindspace

Hello, I am over here!

Quiet and patiently waiting to be used; on the right corner I sit.

Legs dangling from the ledge; a little rock to match their steady rhythm. 

You pass by me, I brighten and smile. The anticipation warming me from the inside out. 

You glance; you pass. 

My eyes fall, my vision narrows and darkens. A tunnel, my vision is; a train on autopilot. 

I pause and kick my legs again it's steady rhythm leading me on through the darkness of that little corner. 

You round the corner, I tense and set still; waiting. You pause in front of me, I turn to look at you. 

My world brightens, I feel a smile pull my lips up. I cannot help it you are my sun. 

You reach for my controls; finger brushing ever so gently against my knob, and passing to the cup on the counter next to me where you had left if a while ago.

You must be thirsty..I would love to help you, bring you joy. 

But I am the Backburner.

You turn to leave again. My vision darkens,  blurred by unshed tears I refuse to acknowledge. 

Back to my steady rhythm...not so steady anymore. A litte broken and out of synch. 

My mind wonders..no wonder they don't want me..my rhythm is broken. 

My shoulders slump. Like the flower on the windowseal above me; a single pale yellow daisy. 

Wilting without water.

I pull my legs up to my chest..why keep a rhythm with no one else to hear it. 

Silence broken by sniffles. 

Muffled by my legs of broken rhythm. 

Because I am the backburner. 

Useful only when all the other burners are filled...

-Pandaish

Voice has power over me. It had the ability to shape an entire perception of a conversation. 

Let me show you..

Look with me, if you may, through lyrical eyes. Humans, people, us, we are all but dancing on the wind. The colors swirl around us like ribbons on dusks horizon. 

Every interaction we have with one another is just a complex dance; twisting, turning, dipping. Do you see that couple in the corner, dangerously close to eachother? You can see their dance if you look close enough. 

A scarlet tango, full of flesh and breath; their hands explore eachothers curves and angles. The hot aura palpable as the mist of the Trinidad coast. 

Thick and wet. 

The people in the corner to the right, next to the windows. They are clearly old friends; a sea or white and blue like a tidepool in the moonlight. Waves lapping at the shore in a calm rhythm; the sea star and the sky becoming one at last like the universe hugging itself and becoming whole once again. 

Cool and smooth.

Thoes two yound people there, at the bar sharing a king-size brownie supreme with candied cherries, whipped topping and fresh shaved chocolate on top; are soft and as pastel as the clouds soft and sweet like sherbet in the sky a complement to the vast pink dawn kissing the outreached earth. 

Pure and bright. 

Now, be discreet, I don't want to embarrassing the young lady involved anymore then she must be already. In the far back corner whispering with angry hush; you can see that the their girl sitting quietly clearly didn't know Mr. Ponytail already had a girlfriend. Glowing embers of red and black; sweltering and scarring the hearts too tender for breaking. Like the molded apple on your refrigerator you forgot last month; whithered and sad. 

The beauty of voice, the amazing complexity of the inflection and tone of one's voice very well control the course of a conversation.

Dances of lust and love.

Dances of friendship and pain. 

Now you know why...I am afraid of hearing or sharing my voice. It is too powerful. 

--Pandaish

I haven't been touched in a month. A forgotten coffee mug at the back of the cupboard; watching as all the others get used. 

I crave the warmth of another body. A single fingertip like a feather along my spine. A hot breath rolls over my skin. 

I need the eye contact. The existence of another soul so closely to my own; the proximity causing our heartbeats to synchronize as a steady soft beat drum.

I miss the intimacy that comes with a connection. A true fit to your heart that is rare to find; a kindred being existing right next to you. 

I want the raw passion. Like a Bitch in heat I crave you inside me. To be so full of another person that you don't know where they end and you begin.

I imagine your big hand around my throat. My life in your hands I get wet. The anticipation of pleasure and pain are almost too much for me to take.. will I break?

I haven't been touched in a month. 

Laughter; a cacophony in the night. Smears of color across my vision like watercolor floating down the creek. 

In a cloud of pink and red I spin; around in a pattern that brings comfort, known and familiar. 

In a cloud of green and blue is a smile; joy something so palpable it pulses within your hands. 

Lights; a swirl of shadows and spirits. Hiding in the corners of my vision, my desires whisper to me though the night. 

Spining around and around the mount beneath me bucks slowly lifting me into the cotton candy air; my vision begins to drag and blur, shadows blend into red velvet.

As the dark walls and drapes creep into my vision I see him.

Across the way as still as predator; a leopard in the grasses bearly visible. His hunger kisses my skin as I see him swallow. His throat sensually moves, with the effort. His lips pull me in..

Spin.

I loose him, where did he go. Where was I again? Why did I feel light headed. 

Spin. 

There in the shadows, his smirk pulls the heat to the surface of my core; promising me pleasure and pain. 

Buck, this mound beneath me is suddenly causing pressure. Lust. 

The room blends into the night and I remember the night thoes teeth drug against my skin leaving flames in their wake. His lips pulled the moans from my soul and the shivers from my sex. His hands so big they could end me in an instant, yet he tenderly touches my skin, my desire building as he marks me with his mouth and nails. Red welts deliciously raise along the trail his mouth made. 

Buck.

I moan in memory but he is gone. As I dismount I can't help but hold my snacks and prizes close hoping to meet his eyes in the night. As I leave to go to my car a little earlier then my party I feel him. He is following me...I feel small and in danger; delicious danger of loosing my sanity tonight. 

Dare I give in....Dare I submit?

Hello, I am Panda. 

I am a 29 year old pansexual sub female who has only been into the life for a few years. In thoes few years I've learned that bdsm is a part of who I am fundamentally and have grown to incorporate it within my day to day life. 

As of late, I have had a child and have been out of the bdsm life for going on a year now. Life As a first time mom and a life a submissive is extremely difficult to balance and I have only recently with the older my child gets been able to miss and desire to be in the life again. 

Though at this time I am strictly looking for platonic relations due to being in a monogamous relationship. I'd still love to have some people to chat with, dom, sub, male female or anything in between. I'd love to have someone to chat with over time and just have some fun chatting with like minded people. 

Message me if you'd like to chat! 

I love talking about pretty much anything but books music and food are my favorite topic, both naughty and vanilla <3

I also love animals and traveling if you're just interested in chatting <3

Let's talk about autonomy; a sense of self beyond who you are to others. A single flower in a meadow of wild blossoms. 

Most don't know, as for myself I also didn't know until it was set in stone, I am creating a life. Once a single flame on the mantle now a fire in the hearth I am a catalyst of a new soul. 

The journey has be rough like a cats tongue, too short and sweet to ever actually commit to memory, I already morn the loss of movement within me. The flutter of little wings against my spine. 

Behind the sense of wholeness this new experience has filled me with the awareness of the incoming loss of autonomy. A single feather on the pheasants tail, part of a beautiful mural to help bring balance to the birds flight. 

Will I still be me when this being leaves my body and becomes a whole themselves? Or will I loose myself; my individuality that makes me aquamarine in a sea of green. 

Will my collar still have meaning? Or will I become just another single who has blended into the crowd contributing to the economy of this world. 

I have decided that regardless of how I have grown and changed in these last 9 months, how my heart has grown bigger and will soon have an extention outside my own body in the form of separate sweet small star; I will remain me. 

I will remain a soul who shines with their own light and helps reveal the way for others whom come into my life and I will stay a whole person. A little. A slave. I will always be who I was and who I am; only now I see my love in a physical form that will smile at me in the purest sense.

And I am so excited to meet him in 2 more weeks. He will be here, outside my body and within my arms. 

And I will always and forever be me. 

-Pandaish

I spoke of an island once...

Alone I stood waiting for someone to want me. 

I was asked to visit someone else's island recently.. it was beautiful..filled with love and passion and all it did was remind me of what I'll never truly have.  

So I'll stay on my little island..surrounded by the crystal clear water; the shimmering water blue as the open sky, taunting it tells me we are friends..

Watching the sun set once again as I see the lights start to illuminate the surrounding islands; I hear their joy.. their laughter and I envy them. 

Only after I was asked to leave that other island did I really understand that I was just...an entertainment. Someone to give that island a little variety. I was never...really welcome there. 

Only after I was asked to leave that island did I realize how lonely I was and how much of, a wasted battle it was trying to find somewhere that had room for me.

I give up. I will build my wall of sand and shale, to keep my heart safe. I will watch through my windows all the wile, cementing myself in.

In a little glass case sits my heart...dimly glowing after all the hardship it has endured..I must protect it. 

Joy no longer exists..the little things like the little animals that shared my island used to be enough to not feel so alone.. now I see them and realize.. they're not alone as I, they have families to return to..people who want them around.. 

As I unplug the lights to my island.. I sit in the darkness; the only glow like an ember of a flame if my little heart, bearly keeping itself alive. 

I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to...melt onto the sea and become foam. I don't want to sit here anymore haunted by the laughter of the other islands..

If you see my little island, suddenly appear in the dark as you navigate this ocean, grant me one mercy....

Please....

Leave me be... 

I can't anymore. 

-Panda.

I scream in silence. 

The white snow blankets the bare ground. 

No sound is noticed. 

Let's talk about growth; the peach tree in my childhood backyard; a viridian green canvas with blooms of yellows, oranges and reds. 

Like this tree, I was once plain. My branches covered in the leaves of my life experiences I began to wonder when I will ever produce a fruit; a memory or an experience that I will never forget, my colors swirling on the velvet smooth surface.

Vibrant is what I am ready for now, but that doesn't mean I don't like my green leaves that laint my body. Each is a story, a chapter in my life that shows who I am and what I am about. 

Each day that passes I gain another leaf full of images and scents and sounds that create the fundamental base for memories. And I treasure each one for they are a part of me. 

I have the two best caregivers that nurture and water me, encouraging me to grow even taller, stronger, to produce more beautiful juicy fruit.

My Daddums who tucks me in a night and makes sure I get my rest and am full of nutritional experiences that help me learn what it means to feel safe. 

My Master who shows me the elegance that is complete submission and the absolute love that comes with such a role. He shows me who I can be as a person and helps me push through that uncomfortable process that is the soul of growth. 

I am like the little peach tree in the back yard of my childhood home, under the great oak it still sits to this day. I see it now and again and remember the day I planted it. It was small, and weak and new; now it is strong and big and so beautiful. 

My growth is like that little tree; against all odds it survived but not only survived; nay it thrived. I see it sometimes in my minds eye; it is me and I am it. As I start to produce thoes beautiful fist sized fruit, warmed by the suns rays; sweet and filling. I am so greatful for my caretakers. 

Without them...I would still the sad little twig of a tree with bearly enough life to produce a single peach. 

Thank you to my Master, Max Heathen and to my Daddums MedicineMan. 

You have helped me bloom and grow and I will never ever stop repaying that care.

Forever in a submission of the heart, body, mind and soul- I will grow. I will reach for the stars as they shine above my head just out of reach.

-Pandaish

Let's talk about Love; a grapefruit sky filled with whipped cream clouds. Slow, deep feelings that no matter what happened you know you will always and forever have someone to call your person. 

This type of love has hardships and pain and because of this has grown deeper then the roots of an ancient redwood tree; strong and nourished it feeds from the very earth you share. 

This type of passion was started from a small ember, dull and warm and has since grown a strong endless flame, matured into a fine brandy as it burns down your throat; carmal and wood.

The type of patience that is calm and soft; a freshly wind dried sheet warmed by the sun. Soft and gentle is folds around you keeping you safe from the demons you run from, the ones that chase. 

Marriage to your DD Dom, even after years of hardships and petty fighting, is still the most wonderful you have ever known.

You are treated as an equal, communicating and doing your best to be the best partners. A pair of swans forever together on the pond of life.

You are treated as a little, small and pure, you are cared for in the way you've always needed and loved the way you desurve. 

You, together are learning life through all its difficulties and all its joy. And this bdsm journey is another chapter in our lives that will help us grow into the technicolor roses we strive to be. 

I love my DD, My husband in live and my partner I have chosen to be with everyday of my life. 

On thoes days, when we look at each other in the eyes and wonder how we ended up here I promise you; I will remember the joy and happiness we have and will continue to have. I will be yours forever, learning and growing together; striving to be the best us we can be. I will always be by your side encouraging you to chase your dreams. 

I love you my dear husband, my DD, my best friend, and I swear to you, I will always give you all that I can, all that I am. 

-Pandaish