How important is honesty to you?
Everyday life seems so fake. We go out in to the world and our interactions are based on lies.
You compliment your boss, "that jacket looks great on you." Did you mean it? Or is it just politeness without a thought or honeyed words for some ulterior motive?
You tell your date, "I'm really interested in you, i like you a lot," then lean in for a kiss and a gentle brushing of fingertips against thier skin. Do you even like them? Or are you just lonely? Looking to itch a scratch for physical intimacy and then lose all interest once you've got what you wanted?
Your mother calls. You say "I'm doing great. I'll be back home to visit soon. Yes it has been too long." Is it true? Are you doing great? Will you really take time from your life to go back home for that visit you've been trying to pencil in for the last four years?
You tell your lover, "everything is fine, it's only the stress of life, of work, of family that has come between us. It will get better." But will it? Is it just something to say to pacify them, while you sit with a mind already made but a lack of courage to take the jump? Something you say to avoid an argument? To keep from being vulnerable and talking about the issue at hand?
Your friend asks if you think they did the right thing by breaking the engagement off. You say, "Absolutely, you're better off without him!" You don't really think so. Since she's left him, she's lost interest in her passions, drinks a little too much and seems lost even in the most familiar of places. Are you just trying to be positive about a situation that is no more? Or avoid some involvement in her crisis? Would it be too much work to instead be honest, try to help, be supportive?
You talk about football with your cousin like its your biggest passion. Even though you hate it. Because you once mentioned it in conversation 7 Thanksgivings ago and, now it seems the only topic natural to talk about with him. A bond, the only bond you two have, built on a fake interest.
We all tell them. Some of them are just human nature. But where is your line? Who do you allow cross it? Who's your person, the one you can trust with it all? Do you have one?
Do you get so lost in the everyday lies that you tell them to yourself?
"Things are going great." "I'm going to take that vacation." "I'm going to commit." "They didn't deserve me." "I'll ask for that raise next quarter." "I'm going to be a better friend. A better lover. A better son. daughter. father. mother. brother. sister." "More devoted to my faith." "I'm going to change how I eat" "I'm going to get back in shape."
I'm going, I'm going.. I'm gone. I'm lost. What is the truth? What is the point? To create a reality that merely looks pretty from the outside? But one I can't slow down because of, lest I have to look at what I've created.
More acceptable by society. A part of life. Normal. Impersonal. Just the way it is.
