I’ve been a dull thing this morning readers, catching up on some correspondence, working on a project and watching a couple movies I thoroughly enjoyed. All at the same time because that’s how my brain works.
But upon returning from my shower to dress and prepare for the afternoon, a curious new message awaited me.
How I wish leash laws applied online as well!
Gather round darlings, it’s tea time with Lady Kat!
Now that we are all comfortable, a bit of back story. For some godforsaken reason, people who went to school with me think I give half a damn what they’re doing with their lives. I keep up with the ones I care to and those who haven’t earned that distinction may exist in their own delusions far the fuck away from me!
One such blight on my memory chose to contact me, and while I won’t go into particulars, has chosen to blame me for their recent marital woes. I had to slog through their poor grammar and pitiful attempts at insults, “attention seeking slut” being the most well thought out one.
Apparently they married one of the young men I went to school with, poor dear, and blames him seeing me and several of our former classmates for lunch a few months ago as the reason he’s leaving her. It can’t possibly be that she’s a toxic cow with the social grace of a goblin bog witch, no it must be the goth chick he sat next to in a group of eight. I was confused barely having spoken to the man at that lunch. I was far too busy catching up with the couple who’d come all the way across country to see family and made time to have this lunch! They’ve been gone almost a decade, for pity’s sake I spent the time discussing the watercolor portrait they wanted to commission me to do. I gave everyone at lunch a card with my email on it, this was obviously my mistake.
Now, personally I found her attempts at insult funny, but the attached picture in the email caused me the hardest eye roll of the week.it was a smile, not salacious, not alluring, but a simple smile. He was holding my chair back as I was sitting down, and I dared to smile at him in thanks. I know, I’m a terrible Jezebel, practically the Whore of Babylon, smiling at a man for being chivalrous.
Oh and let’s not forget how I was dressed, do please control the drooling dears, but a goth Velma Dinkley adequately describes my outfit. Black turtleneck sweater, black skirt, and tights and Mary janes. My hair was pinned up in a bun and I looked ready to either solve a mystery or collect a late fee on your overdue library books. To read the message you’d think I dressed as Elvira.
Scandal! But let’s be fair to the brainless assailant here, I have before and often do dress with that goddess of the night as inspiration. Just not this time.
Shock of the century I didn’t give it another thought. The few people I spent any time with after high school were those few weirdos like me, punks with impeccable manners, goths who recite random poetry at hate protesters, theater kids with all of the Bard’s best insults memorized. The gentleman in question was one of the band kids who hovered outside that group but was polite and cordial when meeting in public. He was invited to our little lunch when he moved back to town, but the new wife is what we call “peaked in highschool” and is not aware no one appreciates her “advice”.
No sooner than I read the email did a new one pop up. Explaining how the cow got my email, from the card I gave everyone in the group. And how apologetic the husband is his soon to be ex is harassing me. I’ve passed along the name of a lovely lawyer friend to him, and ignored her. The blasted woman has since sent five emails calling me the worst insults her limited vocabulary can come up with. I’ve since forwarded them to her husband for use in the upcoming proceedings.
I’m meeting the poor man for lunch next week with my partner and a couple other friends. The lawyer being one of them, should make for a lively discussion don’t you think?
