Hello All!
Today is an enunciation of ways we detonate ourselves and a dynamic.
We have discussed in the past ways we have allowed fears to control us. How our emotional output has gotten the better of us and ran the show without so much as a breath to check them.
As a dominant I have seen this personally on repeat in previous dynamics or in others dynamics. It has often appeared like this:
"You can't just demand I do this!" wails the submissive.
"This is what we negotiated and agreed upon, though." chides the dominant.
"Well, that's before I knew it was going to be so challenging," the submissive continues, "I do not trust you have what it takes to see me safely through this. Your actions ___________(insert complaint) and your words saying_____________(insert dislike) are not what I find appealing and comforting. You are the one to blame for my inability to submit here. It's all about how you made me feel!"
There is little point arguing (though I admit I have) with a submissive that is clearly too afraid for WHATEVER the reason. In 99% of the cases it is very little with how the dominant approached the situation. Now, not that the dominant does not discover how to better communicate.....there is always that opportunity. But to say that because the dominant asked this way over that a submissive does not have a duty to follow through on a negotiated and consented and agreed upon roles, tasks, or what have you is simply wrong. It is actually manipulation. As a dominant, we do not have to respond to the submissive's fear of any task, chore, or ask that is given to them. In fact, I would go so far as to say one of the very reasons a submissive asks a dominant to be in their life is to help them shut down their mind (fear) and lead them safely. Their ability to feel and think clearly in a moment where there is emotional 'chaos' happening within the submissive is quite literally a part of what makes them dominant.
The question is.......Will you follow? I mean really follow?
Because it is easy to say yes when it is easy.
What happens when your fear is pressed upon?
What happens when you become uncomfortable?
What happens when you are terrified?
Again, to be very clear, NO ONE is trying to take how you feel and discount it. No one is saying you are not allowed. No one is insinuating that you must become some robot and ignore all feelings. There is a distinct difference in feeling some kind of way and then making a sound choice for a healthy reason and feeling some kind of way and projecting, lashing out, with those feelings to someone who actually does not deserve them on any level.
And no, because someone says something or does something UNKNOWINGLY that triggers you does not mean they are responsible for your actions born from your feelings. YOU ARE.
This 'awareness' is what begins emotional maturity.
People can express whatever they feel like however they like, provided that they are not intentionally attempting to be cruel. And yes, that means also a frightened submissive. But when you are crossing a boundary, or agreed upon course of action that promotes connection or healthiness in your relationship, your expression, while valid from an understanding that you feel some kind of way, does not absolve you from the consequences of breaching said boundary.
Now, how many times have you turned your nose up at an idea of being led in a certain fashion? Are you certain that comes from a place of disinterest in the style or could it come from a place of, "Hell no you are not going to tell me to do that because I do not want to face that difficult piece within me!" And yes, we are each allowed our limits. No one would EVER say otherwise.
Remember, this is within what is negotiated, and what was consented to.
How can you gain clarity around your own fears?
How can you communicate those fears in a more calm and centered state?
There is a statement I ran across that resonates here I believe, written by a submissive.
Allow Him to take control.
Don't anticipate. Second-guess.
Doubt. Scrutinize. Pick. Plan.
Make faces, or otherwise
Undermine the dynamic
YOU want and AGREED to.
If you REALLY and truly
want him to take control,
GIVE UP CONTROL.
Really and truly give it up.
See where he takes you.
You might be pleasantly surprised.
You might be blown away.
You might get EXACTLY
what you've wanted
all along.
I hope you are encouraged and supported in your journey today.
Namaste
Drago and Amethyst
