'Serious Dom looking for slave to use. Be ready to crawl and grovel at my feet calling me Sir. '
'Serious Dominant wanted! I will do ALL the things no one else will. I have ZERO limits! I am ready to be bound and used. Born a slave and desire ONLY service.'
These 'ads' (and many more like them) found throughout the interwebs see more traction than anyone sanely can imagine.
It takes very little effort to type 'BDSM accidents' into a search engine to discover a whole host of scary things that happen to others who rush into kinkiness.
Conversely there are a plethora of articles, how tos, videos, free books on how to play safely when doing most things sane. Not to mention the amount of people you could potentially vet for mentorship on a given implement or style of play.
Now, the word sane is quite subjective. I have no working knowledge of how to tie rope, it would be insane of me to believe I could, with any efficacy, not injure another if I were to attempt rope bondage. I'm not talking about some basic 101 childish tying, I'm talking about immobilization type tying. I do not know how to place the rope away from certain arteries. I do not know what signs to look for if someone is in duress. I do not know what positions to place them in that will achieve the pleasurable goal of immobilization without causing cramping, loss of circulation in excess, or general discomfort.
That is my limit. For ME it is not sane.
Sadly, many do not understand this concept.
Too many, in an attempt to play a hot scene, throw caution to the wind. Someones wind pipe gets bruised (not a good look for work let alone the pain) from attempting to 'choke' another. A stray fall cuts an ear and it bleeds all over making it look like a crime scene. Someone cuts too deep with a knife during play. Another gets third degree burns from wax play.
Most of these will never heal fully. They will create a lifelong challenge on the part of the submissive/bottom. Not to mention the emotional toll these can have. In most cases the desired outcome for 'fun' is utterly ruined. And if you think only the submissive/bottom suffers think about the reputation, credibility, or outing that can happen. Especially if you need an emergency hospital visit.
Online only?
Let's discuss the emotional and mental anguish caused by many who just desire to escape and 'play' with another person. Which, in many cases is a much harder pain and damage to overcome.
There are predators on both sides of the slash. Some for financial gain. Others who just want to 'control' someone for a twisted fantasy (yes, even s types).
Let's talk about the risk a dominant takes that someone they play with won't holler abuse. Because I assure you it happens WAY too frequently.
Those 'ads' mention none of the sobering realities do they? They play on the fantasy but leave out all the unfortunate truths that life does not play out as a fantasy.
With ALL this stacked against this way of life it is not even remotely surprising that many dominants are SUPER wary (I speak of what I have seen, witnessed, and know personally) to get involved with just some 'random' person.
If a dominant is taking their time vetting you.....please understand, it is for THEIR safety. And they have EVERY right to protect themselves from abuse no different than anyone else.
It may be hot to fantasize about what may be, who doesn't? Let's be careful not to glamorize so much that we pay more attention to our hormones than common sense.
I hope you find your clarity today.
Namaste
Drago and Amethyst
