A beautiful tidbit I have discovered in my dynamic with Amethyst, is the depth with which true respect can impact communication within a relationship.
Prior to Amethyst I had experienced respect as this cursory thing we give everyone for being human. Like, I respect others have the right to like what they do. Or believe what they wish. Which, to be fair, whether we respect someone or not others have the expectations to those basic civil rights (amongst others) especially as they are by in large protected by the law. It occurs to me if respect is legislated as a given thing it kind of loses its potency wouldn't you agree? Not that it is not welcome, but it is hardly something character worthy if you are compelled by the law to extend it. Which is the way I experienced respect in the past. Nice, appreciated, but not really noteworthy from a person's character.
In the last 4 years Amethyst and I have NEVER fought. There have been some challenging conversations, but never any blaming, finger pointing, projecting, yelling, or even body language that communicated anger.
We have been frustrated, but not at one another.
We have been angry at a circumstance that arose we got to navigate together but not at one another (it is truly us tackling the issue NOT one another).
We have cried over seeing a piece within ourselves as individuals that was creating difficulty between us. But still there was no malice or argument. Just honesty and care.
THIS is the kind of respect we have discovered between us and our communication.
We do not tolerate another person shouting at us individually and we share this value between us. We respect the other and their right to be treated with compassion, care, gentleness. If one of us were to raise our voice we would instantly recognize how that feels within our bodies and how the other person is feeling attacked and we regulate ourselves into a space where we can have a conversation with civility.
We may at times need to take a step back, gather our senses so we do not bleed all over the other person but we have naturally, it seems, learned that the best way to move forward with our connection is to not do those things that will erode it. One of those valuable things is to not disrespect one another or the bond we share by diminishing it with emotional outbursts or dismissive actions.
There is this true, deep, abiding energy of respect for one another. It is not about tip toeing around each other's feelings, I assure you we say exactly how we feel. We simply do so with deference for whom we are communicating with. We strive to honor the union we have by reinforcing it when times are tough, or scary. Rather than act wildly out of control.
I cannot say if this is born from our character or not. I am inclined on my part to not believe so. Can it become so? Sure! With time possibly. I can say with certainty it is a deliberate intention on our part.
We have no structure around this. We have not set a rule in the house that says we will always talk with each other in a respectful manner. It is just what we both desire. What we both CHOOSE.
If we want the connection to have a fighting chance I believe it is important we do, say, work at, build, nurture, focus on the things that will support our connection and let go of those things which could easily do damage to our bond. Lifting one another up. Wanting the best for one another. Being intentional with our heart and the language that pours from it across our lips is important. It is a vital piece to our collective and individual peace.
We will not accept less than as individuals because we value our own worth. It is a small thing to ask others to be kind, gentle, and compassionate when communicating with us. Not to the extent that we discount the sometimes turbulent feelings others may have in our presence. But to ask that others navigate their turbulence without projecting those emotions at us is, to us, a small request.
Especially within the confines of our dynamic.
I hope you find solace in being gentle and uplifting to yourself today.
Namaste
Drago and Amethyst
