As a quick disclaimer, I am not everyone and this is my opinion and my opinion alone. I don't speak for all Dominants out there and I may not be looking for all of the same things. These are just my thoughts.
I think a lot of people have the wrong idea or wrong impression of what it takes to be in a dynamic. They have this fairy tale mentality about BDSM dynamics and what they should be like. I imagine this is because in some ways they have been so romanticized and popularized that its a great fantasy for things to work out that way. Unfortunately though, that isn't reality. At least not for the majority of us. We don't need perfect. We aren't looking for perfect, and we don't want you to be perfect. What we want is honesty, trust, and genuine effort.
Now those three things can mean a lot more than what they look like on the surface. So lets break it down a little. Starting with honesty. What does honesty mean? Well it means a lot. It means being honest, being truthful, being real, meaning what you say, and saying what you mean. It means so much more than that but I think that you get the idea. Take it from someone who found out the hard way how difficult life can be when you don't live it honestly compared to how much easier it is when you just live within the truth. When there are no secrets or games and you are just you, all of the good parts and the bad. You take responsibility for yourself and your faults and when you screw up you admit it. You are honest about who you are and what you want. One of the biggest parts in honesty in my opinion though, being a person of your word. If you say you are going to do something, or that you wont do something, you hold yourself to it. Your word is your bond. If you cant do that then you really aren't worth much.
Next we move on to trust. So what is trust? Well to put it simply trust is a combination of honesty and actions. At least thats a very simply put version of what it is really. Without trust you can't build any kind of real foundation for anything. That applies to any kind of relationship and not just anything in the realm of BDSM. That applies to friendships and work relationships just as much as personal and romantic relationships. Without trust you can't ever really let yourself go in any situation. You are always on guard. Without trust nothing will work in the long term, it will all be just a superficial flash in the pan.
Last we come to genuine effort. You can have honesty and trust, but it wont mean much of anything unless a person is willing to put forth genuine effort. You can have all of the perfect components and get absolutely nowhere if only one person is putting forth any effort or if one person is only putting forth minimal effort. We all understand that everyone has a life, we are all busy, we all have things going on, we get that. All I'm saying is don't claim to want something if you aren't willing to put forth the effort in actually pursuing or developing it. Maybe you don't put in the effort because you are scared, or any number of 100 different reasons, who knows. What I do know is how absolutely disheartening it can be when someone tells you over and over again that they want something with you and then they just never show up. If you want it, then you have to put forth the effort. Actual genuine effort. And yes that may mean taking time out of your day doing other things that you normally do like watching tiktoks or whatever other superficial thing it is that you spend most of your time doing. When you tell someone repeatedly that you want something with them, but also that you never have time for them its difficult but most people will still make an effort. When they later find out that you actually spend hours a day on social media not actually doing anything and you are still claiming that you don't have enough time for them thats a giant slap in the face. Learn how to prioritize what is important if these are things that you actually want and stop playing with the people that do actually want them if you don't.
Honesty, trust, and genuine effort. In my opinion, I don't feel like those things are too much to ask, at least not to start with. Maybe I'm wrong, who knows. I've been known to be a little old fashioned in my values in that sort of way. Maybe I'm no longer with the times. If thats the case then so be it I guess. I have a feeling that I'm not the only one that thinks the way I do though. Here is to hoping that I'm not.
