Finding a person who fits, shares and enjoys the same kink as us is something truly magical. Something that transcends a vanilla relationship is so many ways. It has inherent within it, a depth of trust and mutual understanding of each other at our core, such that few people can or do get to experience in the sepia world of normal existence. It is on another level entirely.
The mental connectivity required is unique. It involves not just consistent and considerate communication, but contains so many subtle thoughts, words and acts of creativity to make the dynamic live and thrive that the connection can be almost telepathic. It requires the deepest knowledge of the other’s desires, needs, dreams, tolerances, reactions, thought processes and triggers so that each can navigate safely through the minefield of human frailties to create something strong and unbreakable. It calls for no less because the power given and received is so absolute, the duty of care is also unlimited. In the right relationship with the right person, this connection is like looking into a mirror and seeing the other person embedded within yourself.
On a physical level, all our nerves and sensations dominate our perceptions. Every inch of skin is an erogenous zone when used correctly; our brains craving those signals, be they pleasure or pain as is our want, that make us lose ourselves in the moment and the other person. Drawing on a knowledge of each other so intimate that each can trigger desired impulses in the other effortlessly, creating a physical bond that leaves us destitute when it is absent or lost. Until once again we offer ourselves completely to the other without fear or doubt of giving and receiving all we need.
It is a glorious thing, but its very perfection makes it illusive. It cannot be found in every person or every encounter.
We all have our bespoke requirements and preferences as to what makes that perfect partner. There is a sea full of people floating, swimming, cutting through the swell trying to find a lifeboat and avoid the sharks. Finding each other is hard. It is the wrong face, the wrong body, the wrong age, the wrong location, the wrong introduction, the wrong exchange of words, or sometimes just the fear we all feel of letting go and braving the cold water to reach someone new.
I have known many people, know people now, who are still searching that ocean, ever hopeful that their inner desires and the gift of themselves they have to give another, will finally be released into the safe hands of that one person. I am no different. However, such is our chosen kink that we cannot offer it in diluted form or to just anyone. It is too personal, too intense, and too risky for such whimsical endeavours. Sharks sometimes pretend to be dolphins. We all possess a huge resource of wonderful passion and a capability of connection with another human being that is beyond most people’s comprehension.
I truly wish everyone finds this dream is not impossible.