Recently I have been on a journey of self discover. Who is the me I hide from the world? Well here is what I have learned, I'm stubborn, i love teasing and being playful. I like when men are assertive with me. For example if I am arguing with a man and I refuse to yield, then usually fisting their hand in my hair and jerking my mouth to theirs for a kiss of silence usually makes me shut up fairly quickly. Its something my body craves and needs, that assertiveness. I have also learned that I like my independance, I love being able to bring in my own income, and spend it how I like, not how I'm told. I can be a bit reckless in my spending, so I have to reel myself in at times. I dont like going out to eat a lot. Most of the time I like to gorge myself on fruits and vegetable, strawberries, green grapes, and sliced sweet peppers are some of my favorite snacking items. When I am close to my time on the month I crave chocolate, and caffeine, I'm usually very moody, and easily aggravated, and usually about the second day in im in bed crying from the pain, and usually have to have pain meds. I never thought before that if I paid attention to myself, and learned about me that I would discover much, but in fact my mind is slowly bending and molding into self identification. I'm a very blunt and passionate person when I speak to others, people I have noticed are often shocked by the things that come out of my mouth, not because its vulgar or anything like that. Its because I talk like I write. I use words that most people don't I say things that most people try to keep hidden. I talk , like I'm from a different time, like I'm older than I am. I find that rather comforting.
The knowledge that I am uniquely my own person even in my mannerisms. At night I seem to come alive, I like to pretend I'm this beautiful seductress that the creatures of the night obsess over. My imagination does indeed know no bounds. I love writing, and dancing to music that makes me feel alive. Every once in a while I will simply grab a beer, and dance to loud music that speaks volumes to my soul. There is a sense of freedom in being able to express myself freely when no one is around. Nights are magical for me and myself. I often walk to the mailbox at night, my steps measured and precise the moons glow lighting my way along with the street lights. I like to look around while i think quietly, plus its a great form of exercise, since its pretty far. The morning are not my thing. Im usually very grouchy and confrontational when it comes to getting up early. I'm also very bad about procrastination. College work sucks, and I feel drained after I finish it, so I usually wait to the last minute to get it done, which is funny because when it comes to working I have noticed I want to get everything done as early as possible. Two very different sides of a coin. I love art and diving into my mind about how it translates and speaks to me as an individual, as well as learning about its history, and the artist and what they sought to create. I'm passionate about romance. I love small gestures, I love great stories, I love everything dealing with it. In fact I get pretty damn happy after watching a movie that touches my heart and ends so perfectly. I understand now, that I will probably never stop believing in true love no matter how many trials and errors I face. I've learned that I am a very forgiving person even when I don't want to be, I'm a bit too soft hearted and try to help every one around me. Some times to a fault. However despite everything I have learned thus far I realize I still have so much more to discover. Yes, to all those wondering, I am working on the next part to an Affair of the Heart. I should have it posted in the next day or two. I think you all will enjoy the direction it is going in. Best wishes to all my readers
SomeonesSoulmate