As I lay in my bed today wasting time away til I could rest for work tonight, I received a very unusual request. In most of my post I have this uplifting , bring light to the moment kind of attitude. I laugh and smile with the best I am happy, and my life is as I wish it. This was pointed out to me by a person who then asked the unthinkable of me. They said, " I would like for you to set a timer for five minutes, and just write, be as vulnerable and open as possible. Then stop immediately no matter where you are when the timer stops. I want to see the real you come to life. The one you hold behind the walls around you. I may be wrong you may not have walls. All the same, it is a challenge you will either pick up and run with , or one you will lay down and walk away from. Either way I await your decision." I do not usually answer request this way, but the being inside me just cannot let it go. It hits a whole other level of deep emotions honesty that is just me. I am beginning to think this person knows exactly what they are doing, but all the same I will accept the challenge. Below are my end results....
Venerable, a whole new level of class for me. Walls are definitely a big part of who I am , I have much to protect. Namely the inner child who still lives so carefree. I had children, but could not make enough income to care for them. I was forced to choose, and in the end I had to choose what was best for them, and not myself. I let them go to a family who loves them so strongly to this day. I have no regrets, only a missing part of my soul. I have daddy issues it is true. I come from a broken but strong family. Fighting is just who we are. I am always happy and bubbly encouraging others because well Robin William's said it best " I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy, because they know what its like to feel absolutely worthless". I am overweight though I use to not be. I crave that smaller human being I once was, so I work on my weight loss religiously right now. I love with nothing but passion and fire, and leave myself open to hurt sometimes. I don't trust as easily as I once did, and I fight everyday to remind myself that I have horrible taste in people, and I should not seek to go back down that road by entering another relationship, till I fix that broken part of me. I love the world an.........
Congrats to those few of you who have read this. This is as open and honest as I have ever been. A small glimpse into the fight and struggle of being me. Know this though, I will never bow down or give up my fight. I will never stop laughing and smiling, until the day my light goes out, and my next adventure begins. To the maker of this request: do send your next challenge, this one was very eye opening and I am...... intrigued....
SomonesSoulmate
