Well STDs are not something we typically talk about here or reveal in our profiles it seems. But since I now have one due to my last Dominant unbeknownst to me, and since I have a big mouth I need to share what's happening in my new journey with it.
When I first started having symptoms after meeting physically with my last Dominant, I was still in a state of flux and limbo not knowing what was going on. I was starting to get a very strong itch in my nether regions that wouldn't go away.
Out of irritation, I managed to get a picture of it and discovered two small bumps and immediately got suspicious but hoped it was nothing to worry about. However I sent it off via my chart to my primary doctor and asked if it was an STD of some sort.
Her response was that I needed to come in right away and get examined. I was still in Phoenix on my trip out west for my niece's wedding but was able to set up an appointment for the day after I got back.
I had her test me for all std's. So she did what she could and then said I needed to get the rest done by a gynolcologist. I was able to get that appointment a week later where the rest were done.
When the results came back all were negative except for Herpes 1. My last Dom and I had only done oral on each other and also kissed. He never penetrated me except for one finger very quickly. However the infection was immediate.
As many of you know because it's previously noted in my blog, he left secretly after we fell asleep and never talked to me again. The weekend that I thought we would have turned out to be only a few hours. And I was stuck paying the whole bill with a lifetime diagnosis of Herpes 1 on top of it.
Initially I was numb. I didn't know how to live with this change in my body. A whole lot of options for potential relationships ended. Men I considered having relationships with were no longer available. Visions for the future life I could have had in any lifestyle, even vanilla, came to a screeching halt.
Not only that, but I realized that kissing friends or relatives even on the cheek could possibly have serious implications. Especially with babies if any wetness from my mouth lingered on their person. I realized that I now had a barrier between me and others that wasn't there before.
I began to wonder how careful I would have to be when I sat down on common surfaces, to be careful of where my hands had been prior to touching anything others might use, would my clothes carry any "germs" of Herpes that I might leave somewhere. I didn't know what to think and my mind was having a field day with what I didn't know.
I soon realized that I needed to find the real facts. Someone here kindly mentioned to me that there were support groups for Herpes and also dating groups for folks with Herpes. So in addition to finding out facts about the virus, I did locate some of the dating groups.
I put up a profile in one of the groups where every STD is represented and began to look around and get the lay of the land. I felt better being in a group where no one was afraid to talk about their std statuses nor hid them from others. In fact each one says in their profiles which ones they have so that you can find someone who has what you have and not risk infecting someone else.
That has given me hope back and taken a lot of pressure off. Just last night I looked at the chatrooms and found that BDSM and D/s are also represented. I put in my own profile that I wanted a little kink in my relationships. I thought that I would at least put a small feeler out there and see what happened.
Christians are also represented, and so my former life without an STD is now again open to me with an STD. I still mourn a body without a virus, but I no longer feel trapped with no options. I no longer feel that no one will want me because I am damaged.
So the future has yet to be written, and it looks brighter than it did. I am still learning about it though and realize there is more to discover until I'm truly knowledgeable about what I'm dealing with. But now I can confidently move forward without fear or disappointment dogging me.
If you have an STD, be up front about it. Do not selfishly hide it and give it to someone else without their knowledge and permission. That is completely opposite of the SSC or RISK practice that we all say is essential in our lifestyle.
Again I offer any subs here, the profile link privately, to the Dominant who gave me Herpes so that you can avoid him if he contacts you.
