Where most of us involved in relationships, friendships, situation-ships or families go wrong, is they expect, instead of accept.
It should never be about automatically expecting something from another human because of your own personal biased beliefs. It’s about accepting things in an unconditional format and supporting others in their choices and beliefs.
And if others such as our family members, our colleagues, our friends or even our lovers, cannot accept us for our choices, we should never be expected to accept their condemnation, judgement, narrow minded views, bias and personal projection that they place on us…
I tend to follow the "it is what it is" life philosophy, at least for the most part. It simplifies things that people tend to over complicate.
Very recently I had a submissive in training and after a few weeks and several mistakes on her part, each time I sat her down and discussed it. Why did it happen? What can we do to make it not happen again? Etc. If it was severe enough, I handed out a mild punishment, which she accepted and completed as directed.
Okay problem solved, and we moved on. But she was having a hard time understanding Me. I was not like other Doms that she had interacted with in the past.
she asked, "Why was I not overly critical? And why was I not shouting? How could I just be so calm? I keep messing up, don't you ever get tired of It and just want to leave?" Those types of things, so I attempted to answer her questions by explaining this concept to her.
I have very basic expectations, and those expectations are conditional. For a simple example: if I am meeting a woman simply for sex... then my only expectation is that they are actually a woman. If she doesn't show up, "it is what it is." if she shows up and doesn't want to fuck, "it is what it is." If she wants to fuck for 5 minutes, it is what it is. If she wants to fuck all night and into the next day, it is what it is.
BUT... if she isn't a woman and is a male instead, or a child, or anything else that is not conducive to being a woman, then the entire idea was a lie to begin with which goes against the expectation that I had. Therefore, I would leave, obviously. Eventually it gets to the point of "it is what it is," but there was a basic expectation that was not met, so the disappointment and hurt would get in the way of the acceptance for a bit.
This way of thinking makes me much more accepting of many things. Meeting new friends, playing new games, watching movies, exploring new places, exploring new people... I have very few expectations (everyone has an expectation of something), but I do My level best to accept the world for the most part and enjoy things for what they are.
A basic day to day expectation that I have... is that I wake up. I expect to wake up every time I go to sleep. I don't expect to have good dreams (I rarely do), I don't expect to dream at all, I don't expect to be pain-free when I wake up, I don't expect to even sleep much at all. I can be pleasantly surprised, of course. I like to be pleasantly surprised haha!
So to come back to my trainee...
My basic expectations when I begin with a new trainee are simply that they will treat Me with respect, listen and follow directions to the best of their ability, speak up and ask for clarification if I am not making My directions understood, continue giving their best effort in anything I ask of them, and if at any time they feel like what we're doing is not something they would like to continue doing, that's no problem.We can discontinue, but first we need to sit down and talk about it like the mature adults we are, instead of just ghosting. Because If a sub in My care just disappears on Me, I'm not going to drop them or stop looking for them until I know they're safe & okay. Because that's my responsibility that I take on when I accept them as a submissive. Simply talk about anything so I understand.
Notice how all of those expectations are based on respect, attitude, communication, things that anybody can do successfully with effort.
None of those expectations are based on something that a sub could be unsuccessful doing because of a physical limitation, or even a mental or emotional limitation to be honest.
I accept people for who they were before me, who they are with me, and who they will be after me. With those few conditional expectations of course.
And that allows me to be pleasantly surprised each and every time they exceed My very basic expectations.
