My mother has no clue that she saved my life this morning.
Upon waking up, I knew that today would be hard. I could feel it. It is an exhaustion that is soul deep. Despite feeling that way, I got up anyway.
I made it out of the house, and got on the road to work. I was behind a car that I felt was driving too slow. It could not have been more than a second before I felt myself become so irritated that I switched lanes. I made the switch, and immediately caught a red light (that I would not have caught if the car in front me was driving faster).
I screamed so loud. Genuine anger, frustration escaped my mouth faster than I could even think about. I put both hands on the wheel and shook it as hard as I could. I could feel my car rocking. I cannot tell you how long I did this for.
The light turned green, and I drove off. I kept hearing something tell me to crash my car. They were not whispers. It was not subtle.
CRASH YOUR CAR. DO IT. IT WON'T HURT. CRASH YOUR CAR. CRASH YOUR CAR. CRASH YOUR CAR. CRASH YOUR CAR. CRASH YOUR CAR. CRASH YOUR CAR. CRASH YOUR CAR.
I called my mother. "Good morning, how's your morning going so far?" I stayed on the phone with her until I got to work. I think I knew I wouldn't do it if she was on the phone. I think I knew that I couldn't do it if she was on the phone.
I can't remember what we spoke about, even with this occurring almost 30 minutes ago. I just remember that she saved my life. And she has no idea.