The Culture that has been here all the time

I have decided to transmit mental waves when I get up in the morning and just as I fall asleep at night. Now we will see if anyone has received my signals on my wavelength and answers me. I wonder if I can reach aliens somewhere out in the cosmos?

I Used to be a Good Cook: In 2005, I almost died because a doctor diagnosed asthma, but I had idiopathic congestive heart failure. I was on a heart transplant list for five years with three Cardiologists. I worked with them, researched and chose my meds with their help, and prepared all my food from scratch. I recovered and now have an almost normal heart for a seventy-seven-year-old man. I no longer do much cooking from scratch for myself but I do some for my wife, who has IBS (under control).

I dislike eating alone, but my wife needs attention when she eats, so I eat separately. I mostly nibble. I now take the easy way out: microwave foods and prepared supermarket food. I vary the choices to keep it interesting. I just don't have the time or patience to cook from scratch these days. My heart is OK.

Good morning, Sunny Day. How are you? Thank you for waking me. Give me a minute and I'll give you the food of your choice. Water. And ensure ure litter box is clean. What's that? Oh I am fine. Did you look out the window this morning? The sun is shining and its cool the way we like it.

No I won't bore you with my daily complaining that I don't have a sex partner, I know that upsets you because you don't either and people neutered you anyway. It wasn't me, it was the people at the ASPCA from whom I adopted you.

I would like to put you on a diet. Twenty-two pounds is a little much for a Tabby Cat.

OK. I will now make breakfast for Jeanne.

OH I am glad you are a big furry buddy who I can hug and listen to your purr, and you kiss me as a dog without bad doggie breath.

I believe there Is Something Wrong with me, not the health and mental health issues, which are well understood and medicine has me well balanced.

Most of my life, even with my quirks and flaws, I always had friends and could even acquire new ones. That is no longer true. I only have my wife, who is only a shell of what she once was, and two dogs and a cat.

I vicariously live inside the British TV shows I like. I even share vivid emotions with the characters I identify with.

Yet no matter where I am, home or out to doctor appointments, I feel as if I am living on a desert island. I feel alone, lonely, and sad.

The last years caring for my wife since 2017, which grew worse all the time sure must have damaged me. I have been a survivor and I have adapted to all of my life challenges until now.

I truly believe I am a hollow man.

Hello! Anyone Out There?

It may surprise many of you that in the melenium B.C. people had excellent minds and a keen sense of observation.  long before the second law of thermodynamics was stated, Aristotle wrote in Physics

Time crumples thingseverything grows old under the power of Time and is forgotten through the lapse of Time.

Some thinkers believe that living things counter this, especially humans. Humans repair, construct, and improvise.

In the condition called a human relationship, degradation can occur; humans can endure and discover ways to adapt and keep love within a relationship, even sexual desire and function as it fades with age.

pixabay.com images

I have tried for several years to get a helper to help me as I cared for my wife with ADA and wasted a good deal of money in my attempt. I did have one FWB who I met on this site who didn't work out, but in retrospect, maybe it could have if I knew how to negotiate exactly what her purpose would have been and what she would not be expected to do. My ignorance was probably the main reason for the experiment not working.  So since the year has passed and I did not find a woman to replace her, this is my latest Idea.

Have a live-in maid: Provide room and board in exchange for help. She would not be a nurse for my wife I will remain my wife's nurse. She may or may not be a FWB, it would either develop or not. 

What was given up in the first try was that the State would have provided healthcare, food stamps, and even a salary (which all I could offer was a small allowance).

So. I will see if I can find a maid then.

One day I heard two sisters talking, one day to each other and said, " He's the one."  Not long after that, I overheard her mother talking to her brother, "she told me he is the one." 

I was very disappointed when I heard this song because I realized it was about me.

I keep wondering if I can no longer take care of my wife, what will happen? If she passes away, will I be ready for that? If I am forced to place her in a facility, would I be ready for that? Probably not, and when I no longer have her as my reason to go on, what will happen to me? I suppose I will carry on for the sake of my cat and two small dogs.

It is not that I have a cold, unforgiving heart, but all the people (especially our family) who left me to care for her alone will not have a place in my heart. What would we do? Remind each other of what life was like since 2017 for my wife and me? No.

Jim

I have been stable for more than four decades with one or two emotionally tornadic days: I started my journey as an alcoholic when I was 15, and it subsided substantially after the fiasco on my 36th birthday. Shortly there after I met my current wife, Jeanne, and she helped me defeat that monster, but it wasn't until about 12  years ago that I became completely free from drinking any alcoholic beverage.

Over the past month, I have sipped whiskey or rum a couple of days a week as a form of recreation in this dreadful life I lead as my wife's only caregiver. About 1/2 oz or 10 cl during my afternoon break.

The meds I take magnify that small amount's effect. A short-lived, tiny buzz. It is all I have to deal with as a risky move I know. Because it took so many years to admit I was an alcoholic and give up drinking altogether.