The Culture that has been here all the time

Yes, I am still around. My caregiving for my wife increases steadily. I am switching to a healthcare system that recently built and moved into a new facility less than two miles away.

Yesterday and the day before my wife lost the mobility she had and I struggled to move her around. I implemented the wheelchair I had and bought a walker. She uses the wheelchair at the table and tried the walker, but just as I was about to give up on her she regained the limited mobility missing for two days. Periodically dehydration sneaks in and that may have been the cause, I put more effort in fluids and that created the improvement (that was a relief).

I have no one to watch her, so I can not make the long trek to the VA for healthcare, so the Medicare insurance with the nearby facility will have to do. That is for as long as it exists. Even with co-pays. Still making payments on the hospital bill for the stay about IBS. Brat. fiber and a high-quality Probiotic.

No time for much else to report, but on a good day I attend to home administration in the morning and British TV the last two hours of the day before bed.

JIm

Dear Readers, I now know I have lived way too long. Too old to be a rebel voice against tyranny and betrayal. What seemed to begin in the 1960s with movements to benefit people everywhere has now ended. It has ended in an evil vortex intent on undoing the good that was created. It is such a shame so many people have died for the betterment of humanity (especially during the twentieth century), and now it seems like such a waste. I have nothing more to say or add. I hope you all have a good life somehow. I had it for a time, and now it is rapidly disintegrating. James

When can I start a new life? The caregiving for my wife that began in 2017 has weighed me down more day by day. No, I can neither give up on her nor have someone give me a vacation from my caregiving. Without discussing current events in detail, I will only say they have deepened my depression. Nowhere to go. Nothing interested me anymore, so I just had to wait for the inevitable end we all must face one day.

The irony? I loved living and seeing nature and watching the advances in science, especially space exploration. Now? I don't care at all.

Negative news sells, and I no longer read newspapers or watch TV, but seeing updates on the internet is difficult to ignore. That is because the Internet is my last connection with the outside world beyond my home, where I care for my ill wife.

I apologize for being so negative; however, in my 77 years and a half, I have never felt this isolated and alone. I always found a shred of hope on the darkest night.

If you are unhappy with the start of a new relationship, what makes you believe things will change? Blide faith? Do you think you will tolerate what bothers you, or are you convinced your new partner will change? People are not perfect, we know, but how much imperfection is too much? Unconditional love for a family member or even a spouse is one thing; however, it is like playing with a loaded hand weapon if you plunge into it with a stranger. The distinction between Dom and sub and personal abuse is not always clear. This website has guidelines and educational material that can help if you read it and adhere to the wisdom.

Mature couples probably have been through many challenges with relationships. This experience enables them to continue with a current relationship or, navigate within a new relationship. Sex is not a problem. Age tempers us as we age and, like fine wine, mellows us and refines us. If we pay attention to the changes that come with age, our lovemaking doesn't end like many thought in previous generations but can improve dramatically. A slower, more knowledgeable love-making session can and often does reward us with a much better result.

Other factors can be positive if the stresses of everyday life are lessened with a retirement within a well-planned financial budget. Even with some economic challenges, intimacy can still be more than acceptable and yet great.

There is a plethora of quality knowledge online about sex as we age, and anonymity is possible now more than ever.

Sad but True if this is true. The honesty that prevails in humanity is like a wisp of gossamer or wind-blown smoke.

I tried to identify times when truth prevailed in history, and there were about three periods historically. The rest of humanity's history is filled with untruths of various magnitudes.

Adopt cognizance for deception is all around you.

My mistakes can sometimes be corrected. Other times, they can not. Briefly, I had a woman here to help with my wife's care, and she allowed me to go to my appointments. Things didn't go as planned, and I asked her to leave primarily because of things I didn't like. Just two people with different ideas and preferences made things awkward. My mistake was being hasty and not covering all the possibilities beforehand. It's inexperience on my part. The State issued food stamps and healthcare, and she was working on getting paid. Despite my displeasure, she did what she was asked to do. Nothing has worked out since, and it seems she was the best option in retrospect. Things are not well these days. I should have endured for my wife's sake.

I have a simple dream. Once again, I want to have a garden, care for it, and enjoy what it produces: food and flowers. Sit near it and watch the bees and listen to the birds sing. To do this without worrying, that I have a caregiver's job to do (though it is for a positive reason).

To be able to ride through the nearby farmland and forests, rest, and enjoy the views from nearby hills. These rides and visits through the mountains were also some things my wife and I did at one time. We lived along the NJ shore, so we often spent time at beaches with our kids or by ourselves - fishing or walking along the beaches.

Going out to eat once a week.

The pleasure from these activities seems like an extravagance these days. (all images my own).

I hope anyway. I know it is a long shot, but if I win the lottery, I will wrap up things here and on my move to Switzerland to visit my family in Iceland.

I dreamt the winter was snowy and very cold in the old days. My best friend and I discovered the large pond at the bottom of the abandoned clay mine was frozen solid. We took turns on an old metal runner and wood sleigh dashing down the rim of the pit onto the pond, and it was a swift and long ride. When we got tired, we made a sail out of an old sheet and sailed around the pond. We then got our ice skates and returned to skate until darkness approached. The chill at that moment was getting inside our marrow, and we debated whether to go home. We simultaneously gazed at the old pump house shack and noticed a metal chimney reaching up for the sky. We skated over to the door and were delighted it was not locked. We went inside.

Out of the winter wind, it felt better instantly. We immediately spied the amal pot-belly stove in the middle of the room—benches on either side and a table against a small window. There was a pile of kindling and some larger pieces of wood for the stove. We found a yellow newspaper torn two pages from it, made a crumpled ball, and put it inside the stove. We put some kindling on top of the paper and truck a wooden match from a jar on the table next to a kerosene lamp. Soon, the stove had a warming blaze, so we placed more significant pieces of wood inside, sat on the benches, and relished the new warmth in the shack.

Smoke swirled outside the window, and we warmed ourselves, especially our hands and feet. The pleasant aroma of the wood fire and the warmth were enjoyable. The sun was setting, so we lit the lamp and rested.

I woke up in my warm bed, but the room was cold, and the sun had not yet risen. All was dark.