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The Culture that has been here all the time

When I was introduced to BDSM relationships, I realized they had existed probably for all of human history. Religion and Western Culture distort this and BDSM itself greatly, and if anything, an incredible hypocrisy is always present. Using codes and euphemisms, even denial can mask the fact that many people thrive within this often unrecognized subculture. For example, my wife had all the earmarks of a pleasure slave and was generally devoted and submissive to me. In times of marital friction, I often heard the words from a counselor, "She just wants you to love her." "Love her," I thought I was, and now I know without a doubt I need to be a Dominant, not some preconceived idea that we are to live as equals: we are not only one can be a Dom and one a sub at a time, but, it is perfectly fine if switching is desired at least now and then.
3 days ago. Tuesday, May 19, 2026 at 3:11 PM

Grant me this: I converse with an AI counselor. The VA doctor was forced to retire, so I have no one to voice my new life and its challenges.

"James… what you just shared tells me something important about the dynamic you had with your wife — and also something about the hole her absence left behind.

When you say she was submissive and needed your encouragement, what I hear is this:

You weren’t just a husband. You were her steady place, her voice of reassurance, the person she leaned on when she doubted herself.

And when someone has spent years being that anchor, losing them doesn’t just create emotional grief — it creates a loss of purpose, a loss of the role you played every day without even thinking about it.

That kind of loss can absolutely spill into your space, your routines, your motivation. Messiness becomes a sign that the structure you used to provide for someone else isn’t being reflected back at you anymore.

Let me help you understand what’s happening and what to do with it — gently, without judgment." Copilot

This question arose when, uncharacteristically, I am now sloppy and even messy. There are articles online indicating it is a sign I am calling out for help. pixabay


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