I arrived in the world of BDSM1 as I realized a number of things about relationships and then discovered more about myself than I expected. Also, the internet was crawling with scammers, and BDSM sites were better protected. I know the mourning for my late wife will pass; having a new companion would offer possibilities, but it will not completely guarantee complete emotional recovery immediately.
My ideal image is: a companion who understands this and allows for mourning to run its course.
Each day I experience something new, most unexpected feelings. Usually, I am in balance with reality and my hopes. Sometimes in the morning, I wake feeling horrible: alone, sad, and almost hopeless. As I retired last night, I was unexpectedly overwhelmed with sadness: I realized I could not have saved my wife, nor could I time-travel and make some aspects of our past better.
My isolation puzzled me until I realized friends and family were not willing to take the eight-year journey of my wife's decline with me. Frozen in not knowing what to do or how to help. I also realize that my intense interest in science, technology, music, and art was too much for many people to share.
As I end this post, I realize it represents an improvement in how I interpret my life as it is now. A step in the right direction.
1 More realistic and honest about relationships and especially sex.
pixabay