Hello Friends,
The truth about me? I am moody. I can withdraw into a shell of misanthrope: not hatred or anger, not shyness, but socially withdrawn and uncomfortable with people in general because of the experiences of my trust being violated and even being taken advantage of and made out to be a fool. The worst situation is when my generosity is taken advantage of, ignored, or trivialized. It takes me a while to trust someone, and now, after a year of being the victim of online scams, I feel even more sensitive and reluctant to extend genuine trust to a person, at least not quickly. I doubt the motives of people and long for deep companionship now that my wife has severe cognitive decline, yet I can not see a way to have a true friend or companion too quickly or too fast.
Worse, I do not socialize like many do: I do not drink or go to bars or concerts where it is too celebratory. I avoid recreational drugs and behavior associated with the drug-influenced culture ( negative experiences in my younger days have a lot to do with that).
The result? I can still be lonely when with other people. I try to be a friend but always seem to fall short and disappoint a potential friend. I haven't become a recluse yet, but the possibility is always not far from my thoughts.
