Yes, Friends,
My life is what it is, no one else's fault or blame. If I want to keep everyone at arm's length for my own reasons, that is okay. I will not fake it or pretend it is good. I have always accepted the consequences and honored my commitments. I have not always been a good boy, polite and keeping a smiley face. I can be complex, but not intentionally. It just happens that way.
So, I still care for my wife because that was a promise made on our wedding day. She can not be replaced, and I have acted like a fool to even think I could. It isn't right to seek someone to replace her while she is still living, and I won't have enough time to start a new life with another woman after she is gone.
What I have learned in this BDSM culture will probably help me in my next life if I get another life, that is.