Hello Friends,
It has taken a while, but the fragments of my current life are beginning to form a picture. As my wife's cognitive impairment worsened, I became concerned because I never lived for very long without a woman companion, and we reached the 39th year this past January when she was impaired. She has no cognitive interest in continuing our decades-long sexual relationship or much of any relationship, and I attempted to solve that but could not because I am a stranger in this place and have no social life. It was a torment, and I made many mistakes and was the victim of deception at least 20 times via the internet. During this period, I met a woman (Mistress) online who convinced me to invest in a project that I still don't know what it is, and I never met her. All those mistakes and mysterious investments are in my past, and I no longer care about the loss. However, in a conversation, she told me I should not have a girlfriend.
I now understand that thought very well. Having my living wife with me makes having a relationship almost impossible, no matter what the relationship. Alzheimer's/Dementia/Aphasia demands my full attention in taking care of her. Next, I don't have enough room to have a girlfriend living here. The family uses the small bedroom, and when I can afford to have an aide, she can stay for a while in that spare room. Lastly, I have always suffered from depression and anxiety, and when I get worn down, I become edgy and quickly unpleasant.
The bottom line? For now and for the undetermined future, I shall endure, accept my fate, remain alone, and watch my favorite British Television programs just before I turn in each night.
It is acceptance of reality and adaptation to the same.