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I had a dream during which a younger self met me as I am now. He said, "Old man, what are you doing? You made better choices when you were my age." "Your adventures in your teens and twenties? You are lucky to be alive." "Your dad made a mess of women's lives, especially your mom, and so you worked hard not to let your omnipresent libido emulate his life."
"Allow me to list what was a good choice and what wasn't."
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Good:
Chose to raise a family with your kids from previous marriages and your wife's - a blended family. A son and a daughter each.
You were carefull when it came to how much money you put into automobiles unlike your father.
You purchased several houses that were ok and in places good for the kids.
You chose to remain loyal to your wife when she was diagnosed with dementia in 2017 - early onset she is eight years your junior.
You tried to get a situation where you would have help caring for her by moving to Pennsylvania - wound up buying a modst home there.
You sought help as an Army Veteran.
So, in that list, I ignore mistakes now and then, especially when I let drinking alcohol cloud my judgment.
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Bad:
Your ignorance of caregiving and not understanding what it means to a family when dementia is diagnosed.
You expected too much from others and that angered you.
The move from NJ to PA and your wife's prognosis stressed you and you were hap hazard when you shed possessions.
You squandered your assets in a futile effort to achieve two things simultaneously: Help with care for your wife and having an intimate compantion woman for you. You fell "hook Line and Sinker" into the hands of internet scammers. You put out thousands of dollars for nothing.
You learned from past mistakes in real eastate, fine art and popular music.
Crossroads: Wake up and think carefully; do not repeat your past errors; work to minimize your loss and continue caring for your wife.