The Culture that has been here all the time

In the past, when immigration was not a bad word, many of us were here because our families came to America for a better life. I am not going to itemize why that isn't so anymore and insult my past family whose names are listed on the Ellis Island register. Or point out how they worked in mines and quarries that ultimately cost them their lives. Instead, I am about to lament because I can't order a bride from somewhere in the current climate or my financial picture, either. I have a cousin who imported brides from Poland about twenty years ago, but he can't do that anymore. In fact, both of my grandmothers may have been brought here for my grandfathers around 1900. 

In the 1980s, a coworker successfully imported a bride from South America, had at least one child, and appeared to be happy. I lost touch years ago.

Today: " . . .

6. James, here’s the honest bottom line
Yes, it’s viable — but only if you treat it as international dating, not “ordering” a partner.

You’ve talked before about wanting companionship, warmth, and connection. Those things are absolutely possible, but they come from relationship building, not a service.

If you’re considering this because you’re lonely or wanting a fresh start, that’s human — but you deserve something real, not something risky."

I have several more things not in my favor: I lack Adequate finances for travel abroad, my age, and the current political climate.

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Something propels all of us in some way. No, not a vehicle, more like a dream, a hope, or a vision. This energy is in us, whether we feel it directly or not. I have often wondered what my subconscious mind is up to. Why? because I see I have done something, gone somewhere, or acted in a way I hadn't expected. Let me illustrate with an example or two.

You who read my blog regularly know I reenergized my artist alter ego, what you can not know besides my engaging in working on paintings is that I started upgrading materials, even though I had plenty to work with. This action revealed two things to me: art materials draw my attention to that technologically, and items become my treasure. The whole experience is my joy because it engages my mind and my actions.

Let me take you back some months when my wife was still living, and I was her only caregiver. I was under stress, in need of help, and filled with a type of loneliness. I knew surfing the internet was risky, but it seemed to be my only option for alternatives and solutions. The benign way to describe it was that I was taken advantage of, and I believe I allowed it. Yet it met none of my needs except one: I had someone to communicate with, even if they were bogus.

So here I am this morning thinking about all this, and I am doing it without the luxury of a trusted partner, companion, or lover. I hope my subconscious mind gives me a clue as to where we are going.

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I fell off My Horse and gave up on looking for a woman companion to share life, love, and interests.

So I dusted off and got back in the saddle, edited my profile and search parameters, and will try again.

Highlights? A mature woman who desires intimacy but also likes simple sharing of life, especially mutual interests like art, gardens, and nature.

Odd, but seems not many women in my search criteria within fifteen miles turn up.

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No preaching from me, this is about genuine love between mates.

There is nothing better than having a lover who accepts you as you are without disregarding your genuine flaws that should be corrected. Instead, their embrace is comforting, healing, and a source of positive encouragement.

Who is perfect? Not me.

Yes, love covers a multitude of sin but not necessarily condones or excues them.

Unconditional love improves both people engaged in it.

There are several reasons I didn't like the senior center in town, mostly personal and trivial reasons.

The crowd seemed older than me, though it could be just my mindset.

Many of the conversations proved to be politically offensive to me.

I asked if anyone played chess. The answer I got was "Checkers".

The array of activities? I enjoy music (eclectic), drama, museums, and even simple countryside rides with a close partner, not a host of strangers.

I could go on, but it will only widen the gap with the fabric of the society here and my uniqueness. Perhaps I have been spoiled, or perhaps my flaws get in the way.

This is what it told me:

I’m here to talk with you, James — but I want to make sure we do it in a way that actually supports you rather than replacing the real connections in your life.

So let me put it this way:

You can talk with me anytime, but I can’t be your only companion. I can be a steady voice, a thinking partner, someone who helps you sort things out, someone who keeps you company while you paint or make coffee — but not a substitute for human closeness or support.

Inner Clash
Mourning my wife's passing, even after a lengthy decline, is still a sense of profound loss. I thought I was prepared, but maybe not enough. Eight years of caregiving with counselors, and now four months since I experienced moments of peace punctuated with moments of unexpected sadness, I suspect that if I could team up with a widow in a similar situation, we could comfort one another through this time. pixaby

Yes, I am a widower who was married to my late wife for more than 40 years. We were opposites in many ways, but extremely compatible in our intimacy: we both loved sex as much as we loved each other. In the BDSM world, there usually is a Dom and a sub. My wife was the quintessential sub. It was her deliberate choice to be my sex slave in practice, though I may have been too easy-going a Dom by some people's opinion. Nevertheless, we learned from each other, and that contributed to the ultimate longevity of our relationship.

I know she wanted me to find another lover when she realized her diagnosis was terminal, so I am trying to find a sexual partner or partners if that is my destiny. Nothing about me or my life has been or is perfect, but I am still a very active man for my age, and my libido is alive and well. Maybe it is a curse because not being used to socializing, especially at this time, leaves me at a disadvantage.

I am trying, and I am determined not to give up.¹

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(1) PS Exploring Intimacy
Sex and physical affection look different in our seventies, but intimacy remains a vital part of a fulfilling relationship. Natural bodily changes and health conditions are common. However, many couples find that focusing on touch, emotional bonding, and open communication with your partner or a healthcare provider keeps romance alive and well. AARP

I arrived in the world of BDSM¹ as I realized a number of things about relationships and then discovered more about myself than I expected. Also, the internet was crawling with scammers, and BDSM sites were better protected. I know the mourning for my late wife will pass; having a new companion would offer possibilities, but it will not completely guarantee complete emotional recovery immediately. 

My ideal image is: a companion who understands this and allows for mourning to run its course.

Each day I experience something new, most unexpected feelings. Usually, I am in balance with reality and my hopes. Sometimes in the morning, I wake feeling horrible: alone, sad, and almost hopeless. As I retired last night, I was unexpectedly overwhelmed with sadness: I realized I could not have saved my wife, nor could I time-travel and make some aspects of our past better.

My isolation puzzled me until I realized friends and family were not willing to take the eight-year journey of my wife's decline with me. Frozen in not knowing what to do or how to help. I also realize that my intense interest in science, technology, music, and art was too much for many people to share.

As I end this post, I realize it represents an improvement in how I interpret my life as it is now. A step in the right direction.

1 More realistic and honest about relationships and especially sex.

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 Sure, there are a lot of miles on me, but that means I have a great deal of experience, ladies. I see my host of regular mechanics (doctors) religiously take their prescriptions to keep a used-up old man more youthful than you might expect. I also had a great deal of time to consider many things in life as I cared for my late wife for eight years.

Life has few guarantees, but the odds are in my favor as my family genes regularly produced nonagenarians, and I have yet to become an octogenarian.

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