Kink and romance don't always go hand in hand, but it's only natural that intense, romantic bonds can form with the people you choose to get so intimate with. But things have never worked that way for me.
I've never fallen in love, at least not in a real way. I've had intense infatuations, strong puppy love (especially when I was younger), but I've never had a desire to link my life with another person.
For a long time, and after struggling to have any fun dating, I thought I just hadn't met the right person. Now I wonder if I'm just incapable of those kinds of deep romantic connections.
And before I go any further, this isn't a woe-is-me kind of thing. I'm quite alright with all that. I'm still capable of deep friendships, the kind that is so deep you could call it a form of love on its own. I have so many incredible friends, I don't know what I've done to be so lucky.
But I am beginning to believe that I may truly be aromantic, that traditional partnerships may not be for me. And, again, I'm fine with that. I like who I am, and I've never felt much in the way of dependency or longing for things like marriage. And being aromantic doesn't mean I'm lonely. I'm constantly surrounded by people I care about.
It does sometimes make me feel guilty with kink, however, or even just sex in general. I'm always honest, but I still feel this expectation that more is wanted of me emotionally than I can give. That could just be on me.
Or maybe I am just evolving still, and I will some day understand those feelings. It could just be another part of the journey.
I just thought it would help a bit to put some of that into writing, and it does feel a bit good to get some of it out there. Sorry if you read through my little self-therapy session :p
