A sweet girl from a farm family.
Blonde, brown-eyed, thick thighs
German men hated every inch of her
Bella. Her smile is sunshine personified. Her skin is young, clean, and vibrant.
Never touched by the staining darkness I was raised in
I remember her hips were moving semi-awkwardly to a song that I wrote
She kept two wilted flowers for me when I came back from the war
I remember she never kissed me
I remember that one night we passed and in a moment we thought about having a future
Her family would never accept, and I would never leave the Army...alive
My drink is smoking as the cold liquid bites at the lip of the glass
My aunt taught me this recipe
She said the madness is a fever.
And if I gave in. She would kill herself to save whatever was left of me.
She held me close the first time I drank this.
My body convulsing. Face feverish. Muscles strained till they almost snapped.
So young, so vulnerable in her arms, so naive in broad daylight
I puked up cheap food
Sweated out most of the drugs before the hangover took me
My voice held a silent rebellion built from the rage of ghosts
"I could die from this"
Her voice bled iron over some of my deeper scars
"Better than losing you to white police."
Putting the drink down, I know she's proud of the man I have become
Why was I thinking of Bella? Do I regret leaving her for the Army?
She never knew the streets, but she loved it when it was dark
Fuck.....They changed her while I was gone
They took half of her reason and almost all of her youth
Even though she sold out before I could make her those empty promises
No empathy echoes in my heart as I watch Bella roll and scream in madness
I take her out of the tub as she screams she hates me
Surely another couple of tattoos and some wine should fix this
My eyes harden before fucking her to sleep
She has a son now. It's only now she wishes he was mine.
My gold fangs shine in the streetlight
It was never worth all that effort
She tried dancing with demons not knowing they dance out of appetite...instead of the logic to survive
Solace is found in that starting difference. Both fading from thought on the drive home.
Stripping naked and slipping into the shower
The dinner bell rings
I dry off and turn out the lights. Tonight will be ugly and necessary
I swallow my pride and make love to my own demons
I stroke their egos and tell them how they're above me
I cook pieces of my heart and boiled a piece of my soul for them
Made bare the parts of my self they swore I would fight tooth and nail before surrendering
When it was done, I cleaned the dishes, puffed the pillows, and kissed foreheads.
I hummed a lullaby from my younger years. My voice echoing across the soft silence
The lullaby is the cadence I used to slit their throats and cut their lovers' hearts out
It's all mine anyway