Under The Whip

From the heart of a devoted slave who believes in doing the work.

Have you noticed how quick people are to walk away from relationships nowadays? Like one little bump in the road, and suddenly it is block, delete, on to the next one sliding into the DMs. It is like our culture is obsessed with this “Thank You, Next” mindset, as if partners are disposable, relationships are replaceable, and effort is optional.

And I can’t help but ask, "whatever happened to building something real? To finding someone compatible and choosing yes, choosing to grow together?"

Let me be clear: relationships are hard. Vanilla ones are already work. But relationships in the BDSM world? They’re deeper. They’re more intense. We aren't just talking about “what’s your favorite color” here. We’re talking about power exchange, discipline, trust on the deepest levels. That kind of connection doesn’t just happen overnight.

Yet, I see it time and time again. One disagreement, one unmet expectation, one awkward conversation and boom, it is over. No discussion. No accountability. Just another dynamic thrown away like last week’s trending meme. And honestly? That’s heartbreaking. Not just because of the relationship itself, but because it creates a habit. A pattern of avoiding growth, avoiding work, avoiding the sometimes messy, but beautiful process of becoming better together.

What’s worse is that this mindset has even crept into our therapy sessions. I’ve sat there, vulnerable and hurting, only to be told, “Maybe it is time to leave.” Excuse me? That’s it? No unpacking the layers? No accountability? Just… leave? That advice might help someone in a toxic, unsafe situation, but it doesn’t help me learn how to navigate a tough but salvageable one. It doesn’t teach me how to love deeper, communicate better, or serve with more clarity and strength.

Now, let me pause here and say this loud and clear.

If you’re in an abusive relationship, physical, mental, emotional, get out.

If your boundaries are being ignored or violated, get out.

If your partner disrespects you continuously after being told to stop, get out.

No one, I repeat, no one deserves to be harmed or diminished, regardless of your role in the dynamic. Your safety, dignity, and consent come first. Always.

But if the relationship isn’t abusive,  If the struggle is around communication styles, feeling unseen, struggling with consistency, transparency, or how you’re showing up for one another, then friend, it is time to lean in, not check out.

Real, lasting dynamics take time. They take intention. They take uncomfortable conversations, deep self reflection, and a commitment to being an active participant in what you're building.

As a slave, it is my honor and duty to serve, but it is also my responsibility to reflect. If the dynamic is faltering, I have to ask,

Am I communicating clearly and honestly?

Am I giving space for my Dominant’s growth, too?

Am I showing up in alignment with the values of the house I serve?

And most importantly, am I being accountable for my part?

Because here’s the truth: If we don’t take ownership of our behavior, if we keep running at the first sign of discomfort, we carry our unhealed wounds right into the next relationship. And then we wonder why it fails too.

It is time to stop the merry go round of failed dynamics. Step off the ride. Ground yourself. Polish the connection you have. If it is safe and worthy, and nurture it. That is where true growth lives.

There is no “perfect” partner or flawless relationship. But with honesty, patience, and a shared desire to grow, even the hardest moments can become stepping stones instead of breaking points.

So no, I don’t want a “Thank You, Next” love. I want a “Thank You, Let’s Work Through This Together” kind of dynamic. One built on trust, grit, and mutual devotion.  Because those are the relationships that shine. And that’s the dynamic I choose to serve in, heart first, collar proud.

Sometimes in a Power Exchange dynamic, especially if you’ve given your heart, body, mind, time, and service with devotion. It can feel like there’s no "you" outside of the relationship. But there is. That part of you has never left. She may be tired, she may be quiet, but she’s still in there. And she’s worthy of being seen, supported, and loved, not just as a kajira or a submissive, but as you.

Reclaiming Yourself Within (or Beyond) the Relationship
Here’s what I’d like you to consider, and you don’t need to answer this right away. Just let it sit with you:

Who are you outside of service?

Outside of my submissive service, I’m a whole whirlwind of passion, playfulness, and purpose. I’m a painter who sees the world in color even on the cloudiest days, a writer and poet who spins emotions into words, and an author with stories just begging to be told. A retired dancer and jock with enough sass and muscle memory to still drop it low (carefully!), I now pour my energy into educating, streaming on Twitch, and lighting fires of curiosity in others. Especially when it comes to history, science, or a juicy true crime mystery.

I’m the reliable, ride or die friend, the lover who shows up with wine, cake, and a wicked grin, and the unapologetically loud, laugh until you snort Gemini who never holds back an opinion (even when I probably should). I'm proudly blind and disabled, but don’t mistake that for fragile, my strength roars. I’m a loudmouth activist, a lover of my country and military, an uplifter of underdogs, and a fierce believer in chosen family. At the end of the day, I’m just someone wildly in love with life, chasing joy in all its messy, magical forms. So yes, I might serve, but never forget, I also sparkle.

What lights you up that has nothing to do with being owned?

What lights me up, completely separate from being owned? Oh, so many things! Creating, whether I’m painting, writing, or baking something dangerously delicious, always fills me with joy. I absolutely light up when I’m connecting with others, hyping up a friend, throwing a cozy dinner party, or streaming and chatting with my community. I geek out over true crime, get lost in history documentaries, and yes, I’ll 100% stop everything for a really good cake (and maybe a glass of wine to match). I love being loud, laughing until I wheeze, and diving into meaningful conversations that linger in your soul. Just being present, passionate, and playful in the world? That’s my spark.

What used to make you feel alive, joyful, beautiful, expressive? Even if it has been a long time?

What used to make me feel alive, joyful, and utterly me? Oh, where do I start? Give me a dirt bike, a bow, or a pair of dancing shoes and suddenly I’m grinning like a kid in a candy store. I used to come alive racing through trails, riding my horses with the wind in my hair, or getting mud splattered playing paintball. Sports, martial arts, fishing, and shooting gave me an edge, a thrill, a fire in my chest, and let’s not forget how roleplay and community service let my creativity and heart shine all at once.

But it wasn’t just the wild and adventurous that made me feel beautiful and expressive, it was the sparkle of getting my hair and nails done, the rhythm of singing my heart out, the warm magic of friendly dinner parties, the art of baking something decadent, or capturing a perfect photo. Even school lit me up. I loved learning. And yes, always, my submissive service brought a deep, soulful joy that rooted me in connection and purpose. Whether I was serving, laughing, creating, or covered in mud, those moments reminded me I’m not just living, I’m alive.

Journaling prompt (if you feel ready).

If I could create a sanctuary for myself, just mine, it would include?

If I could create a sanctuary just for me, it would be this dreamy fusion of softness, soul, and submission. Picture a warm, inviting space filled with books, art supplies, and the scent of fresh baked treats wafting through the air. There’d be a cozy chair for reading and writing poetry, a streaming nook to connect with my people, and gentle music dancing in the background. My wine and cake stash? Hidden but sacred. Sunlight would pour through wide windows overlooking nature, and the ocean, my reminder to breathe and be.

But this sanctuary would also hold the quiet, sacred heat of my submissive heart. In one corner, a velvet lined chest filled with cuffs, collars, floggers, and tools of service, each item carefully chosen, deeply meaningful. A small kneeling cushion waits beside it, not as an object of restraint, but as a symbol of devotion. Maybe a journal where I write letters to my Masters or record rituals, reflections, and acts of service. There’s a hook on the wall for my collar when I’m in reflection, and a soft blanket nearby for post scene aftercare. This is a space where I can feel safe and surrendered, creative and claimed. Where my submission and my self expression aren’t separate but beautifully, unapologetically intertwined.

Navigating the Cracks in the Relationship

If you feel like your M/s dynamic is dying, that’s a deeply painful place to be. But pain doesn't always mean failure. It might mean there’s been neglect, unmet needs, or misalignment. Let’s name a few possibilities and see what fits.

Questions to ask yourself:

Do I feel heard when I express my needs, or do they go ignored?

When I express my needs, I don’t believe I’m being ignored, and that matters. I truly don’t think it’s ever out of malice or disregard. More often than not, I know the people in my life are juggling a lot, and sometimes my needs don’t make it to the top of the list because they’re overwhelmed, sick, stressed, or focused on things they believe are more urgent in that moment. I can understand that, and I do my best to be patient and supportive when life gets chaotic.

That said, even with that understanding, there are still times I don’t feel heard. Not because I think anyone is trying to shut me out, but because acknowledgment without follow through can still feel like silence. I don’t need every need met instantly, but a sense that my words truly landed, that my feelings are seen and held, would go a long way. Sometimes, I just want to know I matter even in the mess.

Is the dynamic still active, or has it become one sided?

Our dynamic is still active, and that means so much to me, but I’ll admit, there are times it feels a little one sided, especially when my needs go unmet for weeks at a time. I’m doing my best to stay compassionate, to hold space for everything they’re dealing with, disabilities, illness, work, family, it is a lot, and I don’t for a second believe they’re being unkind or careless. Life gets heavy, and I respect that. But even with all that understanding, it is still hard. Sometimes, just existing in the dynamic isn’t enough; sometimes I need my needs to be seen and tended to, not out of obligation, but so I can feel valued, connected, and truly held. I don’t need perfection, just presence.

Am I being treated with structure, care, and attention, or just expected to perform while feeling invisible?

I truly believe both of my Masters are incredibly caring and deeply attuned to me as a person. They show up in very real ways, helping with my food, medical needs, and overall wellbeing, and I never question that they love me or want what’s best for me. There is structure in our dynamic, and we even have a daily routine that helps ground me. But sometimes that structure feels a bit shaky, lacking the consistency that makes me feel fully anchored in my role. I know they’re balancing so much, and I try to meet that with patience and understanding.

That said, there are times I feel a bit invisible. Often, they’re not aware of what I’m working on or what tasks I’ve completed. It is not that I need constant praise or micromanagement, but when no one notices what I’m doing, it can feel like I’m just going through the motions on my own. That lack of attention, even if unintentional, chips away at the sense of connection I crave in our power exchange. I don’t want to just perform, I want to feel seen, held, and woven into something shared.

Important truth:

Even in consensual slavery, your emotional and physical well being still matter. A Master is responsible for the stewardship of what’s entrusted to them, and that includes your heart and your needs. If you are giving and not receiving anything sustaining in return, that is an imbalance, not obedience.

Steps You Can Take to Begin Reclaiming Power and Clarity

1. Create a self devotion ritual (even 5 minutes daily)

Light a candle, touch your own heart, and say aloud.

I am still here. I am still worthy. My soul is not owned, only offered.

2. Define what you need in the relationship to feel safe and seen.

Regular check ins
Clear rituals or tasks
Emotional validation
Being listened to, not just obeying
Presence
Emotional Availability
Consistency In Structure
Space to be vulnerable
I things I do to actually matter

You are not losing yourself.
You are remembering yourself.

Where My Heart Feels Safest

There is a kind of peace I can’t quite explain, a serenity that washes over me the moment I feel Their command settle into my bones. It is in those moments, when my Masters take control, not with soft suggestions or gentle requests, but with clear, unyielding Dominance. That I feel safest, most whole, and utterly seen.

I am a slave girl. Owned, loved, guided, and claimed by not one, but two extraordinary Masters. And every breath I take, every thought I have, orbits around one singular truth. I exist to serve Them. To be shaped by Them. To surrender myself so completely that there is no space left for doubt, fear, or the exhausting weight of everyday decisions. Only Their will, and my joy in obeying it.

It is not the illusion of freedom that sets me free, it is the structure They provide. The firm tone in Their voice. The intensity in Their gaze. The way they expect excellence from me, and never let me settle for mediocrity, even when I’m tempted to coast. They challenge me to grow, to strive, to stretch beyond my limits, not just as a slave, but as a woman. They hold me accountable, They push me, They demand truth, consistency, and self respect. And through it all, I blossom.

There is no deeper love than the kind that dares to take full responsibility for your soul’s evolution. And that’s what my Masters have done. They don’t just love me, they shape me.

When They command me, truly command me, I feel the depth of Their protection, the clarity of Their expectations, and the weight of Their ownership. And I crave that weight. I need it. I thrive in it. It silences the noise of the world and reminds me exactly who I am, Theirs.

I don’t want to be asked, I want to be told. Not because I’m weak, but because I am strong in my surrender. Because nothing makes me feel more grounded, more radiant, more alive, than submitting to Their will and knowing I am exactly where I belong.

My love for my Masters is beyond devotion. It is a fire that consumes and purifies. I wake up every day with the singular purpose of pleasing Them, of making Their lives brighter, lighter, more beautiful through my obedience and service. That is where I find meaning. That is where I find myself.

To be guided. To be molded. To be possessed. That is my joy. That is my purpose. That is my love.

And in Their hands, under Their command, I am finally free.

Wow, every few years, I retake this test to track my personal growth and evolution. Tonight’s results showed the most dramatic shift I’ve ever seen. I have to admit, it’s a bit disheartening to see how much some of the scores have declined.

💜💜💜💜

100% Degradee
100% Masochist
100% Rope bunny
100% Submissive
100% Exhibitionist
95% Slave
86% Pet
82% Experimentalist
82% Primal (Prey)
77% Non-monogamist
51% Little
16% Voyeur
7% Vanilla
5% Brat
0% Ageplayer
0% Switch

“The eyes of a Master will do more work than both his hands!” – Author Unknown

Ohhh, how true those words are! As a Gorean slave girl, I’ve felt the truth of this quote ripple through every part of me. Yes, my Masters' hands absolutely leave their mark. Sometimes in the form of firm correction, sometimes as a possessive grip around my throat or waist, and often in soft, caressing moments that remind me I am Theirs. Physical discipline certainly plays its role. It reinforces the structure we’ve agreed upon and reminds me to remain the best version of the slave I’ve sworn to be. But Their eyes? Those do something else entirely.

One look from Their can undo me.

They don't even have to speak. Sometimes, They don’t even need to touch. A single glance can whisper volumes, no, it commands volumes. When Their eyes land on me across the room, or while I kneel with bowed head and feel the weight of Their gaze on my skin, it is like time stops. My breath catches. My heart flutters. My thighs clench. I know I am seen. Not just looked at, but truly seen, as property, as Their slut, as Their slave They own down to her soul.

Their eyes can say, “You are Mine.”

They can burn with desire and make me feel like the most delicious creature in the world. That kind of look melts every bit of willful disobedience right out of me. But they can also narrow with warning, and in that split second, my whole posture shifts, back straight, chin down, mouth shut. I don't even need to be told. Their eyes say it all, “You’re pushing it, slut, and there will be consequences.” And oh, how that thrills and humbles me.

Sometimes, even when I’m not looking directly at Them, I can feel it, that stare. That unspoken energy that dances on my flesh like a kiss and a leash all at once. I know when I’ve pleased Them. I know when I’ve fallen short. It is written in the fire or the frost behind those eyes.

Their eyes hold authority, desire, disappointment, pride, pleasure, all without a word. And when They look at me with approval? Gods, I glow. I radiate joy and purpose and pride. All because I saw it, just that look. That beautiful, wordless, powerful look that tells me I’m being a good girl.

So yes, my Masters' hands do wonders. But Their eyes? They command, they correct, they caress. They own.

And this girl wouldn’t have it any other way.

"Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - Oliver Goldsmith

If you were to look at my journey from the outside, you might see a slave girl kneeling in grace, obeying with joy, glowing with pride in her submission. But what you may not see are the countless times I’ve stumbled. The times I broke protocol. The tears I’ve shed in frustration. The moments I questioned if I was even meant for this path.

Yes, I’ve failed. More times than I can count.

There were nights I laid awake wondering if I was enough. If I was too much. If I was too bratty, too needy, too forgetful, too sensitive. I would try so hard and still fall short. And for a while, I truly believed that each failure was proof that I wasn’t cut out for this, this beautiful, demanding, soul deep life of service and surrender.

But here’s the truth. If I had stayed down after every fall, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

I wouldn’t be kneeling in belonging at the feet of two extraordinary men who see me, guide me, and lead me with wisdom and strength. Men who hold me accountable while also holding space for my softness. Men who demand my best but never expect my perfection.

If I had given up when the journey got messy, I would have missed out on the most profound, life changing love I’ve ever known.

Each stumble taught me something. Every failure became a lesson. I learned patience when I wanted to rush. I learned humility when I wanted to argue. I learned grace, for myself, when I realized mistakes are not disqualifiers, but invitations to grow.

My obedience has deepened not because I stopped failing, but because I kept rising. My service has become more intentional because I have learned from the times I got it wrong. And most of all, I have grown as a person, more grounded, more open, more attuned to the sacred dance between strength and submission.

This path is not perfect. I am not perfect. But I am devoted. And that devotion drives me to rise again and again, no matter how many times I fall.

So, to the slaves who feel like they’re failing, please don’t stop. Don’t give up. The glory is not in flawless service, but in the courage to keep going. Every time you choose to get back on your knees with an open heart and willing spirit, you are building something beautiful.

You are becoming.

And so am I.

Restraint & Bondage
[ ] Rope ( jute, nylon)
[ ] Silicone handcuffs
[ ] Bondage tape (non adhesive)
[ ] Leather cuffs (wrist/ankle)
[ ] Carabiners or clips
[ ] Blindfold
[ ] Gags (ball gag, bit gag, etc.)
[ ] Collar with leash
[ ] Spreader bar

Impact Toys
[ ] Floggers (leather, suede, rubber)
[ ] Paddles (wood, leather)
[ ] Canes (rattan, rubber, bamboo, silicone)
[ ] Straps
[ ] Rubber Mallet

Sensory Play
[ ] Feather ticklers
[ ] Plugs
[ ] Clamps
[ ] Wartenberg wheels
[ ] Ice packs / warming pack
[ ] Massage oil / paraffin candles
[ ] Vampire gloves
[ ] Earplugs / sensory deprivation ear muffs
[ ] Suction Cupping Set/Fire Cupping
[ ] Electro Play Kit (Neon Wand and accessories)

M/s Essentials
[ ] Consent Form
[ ] Hard Limits List
[ ] Protocol cards / task cards
[ ] Negotiation form
[ ] Scene Debriefing form
[ ] Aftercare blanket / plush item/paci
[ ] Water bottle
[ ] Snacks (aftercare-friendly)
[ ] Cigar Travel Box (For Cigar Service)

Hygiene & Prep
[ ] Gloves (Latex Free)
[ ] Puppy Pads
[ ] Lubricant (water based, allergy sensitive)
[ ] Condoms (internal and external)
[ ] Toy cleaner / antibacterial wipes
[ ] Towels / wet wipes
[ ] Hair ties
[ ] Portable mirror
[ ] Brush
[ ] Gum
[ ] Chapstick
[ ] Small bottle of mouthwash
[ ] Lotion
[ ] Bootblack travel box (Contains my essentials for on the go leather care)

BDSM First Aid Kit Checklist
Basic First Aid
[ ] Adhesive bandages (various sizes)
[ ] Gauze pads and medical tape
[ ] Antiseptic wipes / hydrogen peroxide
[ ] Antibiotic ointment (e.g., Neosporin)
[ ] Tweezers (for splinters)
[ ] Scissors (medical/trauma shears/ safety sheers for Rope)
[ ] Instant cold packs
[ ] Gloves (latex-free)
[ ] CPR face shield / mask
[ ] Alcohol swabs
[ ] Ace Bandages
[ ] Hand Sanitizer

Medications (as needed)
[ ] Pain relievers (e.g., acetaminophen, ibuprofen)
[ ] Antihistamines (e.g., Benadryl for allergic reactions)
[ ] Hydrocortisone cream (for irritation or welts)
[ ] Glucose tablets or hard candy (for drops in blood sugar)
[ ] Electrolyte packets
[ ] My Insulin

Scene Specific First Aid
[ ] Burn cream (if using wax play)
[ ] Eye drops (for debris/irritation)
[ ] Snake bite kit (for edge players who explore wilderness scenes)
[ ] Instant hemostatic clotting pads (for deeper abrasions or cuts)
[ ] Trauma pads (for larger wounds or unexpected accidents)

Emergency Info
[ ] Emergency contact card
[ ] Allergy list
[ ] Medications and dosage list
[ ] List of medical disorders/diseases/surgeries.
[ ] Local emergency numbers (especially when traveling)

This list is constantly growing, and if there's something in your toy bag that's not included here, please feel free to share it. I'm always eager to discover new items and smarter ways to enhance my time in play spaces.

These thirty topics are crafted to inspire thoughtful, informed, and deeply reflective writing. You can explore them one at a time across different days, use them as prompts for journaling, or dive into them in a single, expansive post, it is entirely up to you. Let them guide your voice, challenge your perspective, and most of all, enjoy the process.

1. *Who Am I as a Brat Submissive?*, Exploring the intersection of playfulness, resistance, and surrender.

2. *Brat Isn’t a Dirty Word*, Debunking the stigma around Brat dynamics in BDSM.

3. *The Psychology of Bratting*, Is it defiance, or is it a call for deeper connection?

4. *Submissive, Not Silent* , How Brat subs assert agency while still yielding control.

5. *Why I Choose Brat Over Obedient Submissive*, A personal journey through power, resistance, and trust.

6. *What Bratting Means in a Power Exchange Relationship*, Beyond “bratty behavior.”

7. *Brat Topping from the Bottom?* Understanding control, consent, and influence.

8. *Creating Rituals and Protocols for Brat Subs* Structure without stifling spirit.

9. *Brat Tamer Chemistry*, What makes this dynamic work (or fail)?

10. *Can a Brat Be High Protocol?* Navigating rules, structure, and rebellion.

11. *Brat Submissive vs. Service Submissive*, Where do values, needs, and styles diverge?

12. *Playful Defiance vs. Devotional Obedience*, Examining submissive archetypes.

13. *Is Being a Brat Compatible with 24/7 Power Exchange?* A nuanced discussion.

14. *The Brat Sub vs. the Bratty Partner*, Knowing the difference between kink expression and emotional immaturity.

15. *How Brat Dynamics Evolve Over Time Compared to Other Submissive Roles*, Growth, change, and redefinition.

16. *Why Brats Crave Attention, Not Just Correction*, Exploring emotional needs beneath the surface.

17. *The Vulnerability of Being a Brat*, It is not always about sass.

18. *Brat Shame in the Kink World*, How marginalization within BDSM spaces affects identity and self-worth.

19. *Do I Have to “Grow Out” of Being a Brat?*, Challenging community expectations of “maturity.”

20. *When Bratting Is a Trauma Response*, Exploring the fine line between kink and self-protection.

21. *How It Feels to Be Shunned as a Brat in BDSM Spaces*, A personal narrative of exclusion and resilience.

22. *Brat Erasure: Why Are We Treated Like We’re Not ‘Real’ Submissives?*

23. *Fitting into a Leather Household as a Brat*, Can tradition and rebellion coexist?

24. *The Brat Submissive and Online Spaces*, Are we more accepted digitally than in real life?

25. *Finding My Tribe: Where Do Brats Truly Belong in the Kink Community?*

26. *A Day in the Life of a Brat Submissive*, Rituals, resistance, and relationship flow.

27. *Negotiating as a Brat*, How boundaries, safewords, and limits are shaped by this dynamic.

28. *Power Through Play: The Strength Behind the Sass*

29. *How Bratting Helps Me Heal*, Reclaiming autonomy through kink.

30. *The Beauty of Being Misunderstood*, Turning rejection into self-celebration as a Brat submissive.

1. Does your Dominance – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? How do you view your style of Dominance? If you do not use a label why?

2. Today’s questions: Describe what you are looking for in a submissive and the techniques you might use to instill those characteristics in your submissive. Are you exclusively Dominant in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you Dominant only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you Dominant to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?

3. How do you know you are a Dominant or have the potential to be Dominant? How do you feel when you express your Dominance?

4. Do you switch into a submissive role at any time? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you? If you are in a Domestic Discipline relationship, are there things that you do not maintain control over?

5. What are your thoughts entirely on a D/s dynamic? Talk about your expectations as a Dominant.

6. What do you feel are the roots of your Dominance? Do you think it has something to do with childhood, upbringing or parental example? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

7. Do you inflict discipline or punishment as part of your Dominance? Why or why not? How do you feel about discipline and punishment as tools used to invoke and maintain submission from your partner/s?

8. Is spanking or corporal punishment part of your Dominance? Why or why not? How do you feel about spanking and/or corporal punishment as tools used to invoke and maintain submission from your partner/s?

9. Do you set and enforce structure, rules and limits as part of your Dominance? Why or why not? How do you feel about the use of structure, rules and limits as tools used to invoke and maintain submission from your partner/s?

10, Do you utilize any elements of BDSM in your Dominant style? How do you feel about BDSM? Is it core to your Dominance, peripheral or non-existent?

11. Do you expect servitude from your submissive/s? How do you define servitude and service? What does it mean to you? If you do not seek or expect servitude from your submissive/s, what is it about the concept of servitude that is not for you?

12. Do you expect financial submission from submissive partner/s? If yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concept of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?

13. Is sexual availability, having your submissive partner/s sexually available to you at any time and in any manner you choose, part of your expectations as a Dominant? Why or why not? Are there acceptable limits to this? If so, what are they?

14. Does religion have any bearing on your Dominance or the way you expect your partner/s to submit? If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?

15. Has your Dominance evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you? What do you attribute this evolution (or lack of) to?

16. Have you found that your Dominance has changed with different partners or relationships? If you’re involved with, or have been involved with, partners of both sexes, has your Dominance changed based on gender or do you feel that it is dependent on the submissive as an individual?

17. What does trust mean to you in the context of Dominance? How do you inspire trust in your submissive?

18. As a Dominant how important is communication in a D/s dynamic? Has the way you communicated changed over the years? Does your Dominance affect how you communicate?

19. How socially connected are you as a Dominant? Do you look for others to talk to about your Dominance either for support, learning, educating or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

20. Has your Dominance increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate with your submissive due to a change in feelings or circumstance? Have your interests as a Dominant expanded or contracted over time?

21, Is there a physical position that makes you feel most Dominant? Is there a physical position you prefer your submissive to take in order to express their submission?

22. Can you feel Dominant without a submissive partner? If so, how does your Dominance express itself? If not, how do you handle your need to be Dominant?

23. Is there anything about Dominance, either your own or what you see in others, which you question, dislike or are repelled by? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own Dominant needs and desires?

24. Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express your Dominance? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?

25. What are the emotions that most directly let you access your Dominance? What feelings do they inspire?

26. What are the qualities that you seek in a submissive partner? Are there qualities which you consider ‘must haves’ or ‘must not haves’? If so, what are they and for what reasons are they ‘must haves’ or ‘must not haves’?

27. Do you have Dominant desires or fantasies that you have yet to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?

28. Has your Dominance ever failed you? Have you ever been criticized or received negative feedback for your Dominance? Have you ever regretted your actions or emotions as a Dominant either in a moment or in a relationship? Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and, if so, what lessons did you learn and how did you apply them?

29. Is pain or humiliation part of your Dominant expression? What is your relationship to pain and humiliation? Do you embrace it as part of your Dominance, inflict it reluctantly or have some other type of relationship with it?

30. Is your need to be Dominant being met? If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and be happy and content without being able to express your Dominance in the way that feels best to you? What makes being a Dominant special to you?

1. How long have you been a sub?

2. What are your preferred names to be called?

3. Do you have a Dom?

4. Are you an obedient or a bratty sub?

5. Do you prefer having rewards or punishments?

6. What are your hard limits?

7. What's your favorite kink?

8. What do you call your Dom?

9. What are your turn-ons?

10. 10 What are your turn-offs?

11. What kind of submissive are you?

12. What rules are you given?

13. What's your least favorite punishment?

14. What's your dream date with your Dom?

15. What's your ideal Dom?

16. What gets you into sub-space?

17. What's your safe word?

18. Would you share your Dom with other subs?

19. What's your sexuality?

20. Do you like being spanked?

21. What's your favorite kink?

22. What's your biggest insecurity?

23. What's your favorite position?

24. What's your least favorite position?

25. What's your favorite activity?

26. So your friends know of your kinks?

27. Favorite outfit to wear?

28. Do you like dressing up your Dom?

29. What outfit do you like seeing your Dom in?

30. Would you like to have more than one Dom?