Sometimes in a Power Exchange dynamic, especially if you’ve given your heart, body, mind, time, and service with devotion. It can feel like there’s no "you" outside of the relationship. But there is. That part of you has never left. She may be tired, she may be quiet, but she’s still in there. And she’s worthy of being seen, supported, and loved, not just as a kajira or a submissive, but as you.
Reclaiming Yourself Within (or Beyond) the Relationship
Here’s what I’d like you to consider, and you don’t need to answer this right away. Just let it sit with you:
Who are you outside of service?
Outside of my submissive service, I’m a whole whirlwind of passion, playfulness, and purpose. I’m a painter who sees the world in color even on the cloudiest days, a writer and poet who spins emotions into words, and an author with stories just begging to be told. A retired dancer and jock with enough sass and muscle memory to still drop it low (carefully!), I now pour my energy into educating, streaming on Twitch, and lighting fires of curiosity in others. Especially when it comes to history, science, or a juicy true crime mystery.
I’m the reliable, ride or die friend, the lover who shows up with wine, cake, and a wicked grin, and the unapologetically loud, laugh until you snort Gemini who never holds back an opinion (even when I probably should). I'm proudly blind and disabled, but don’t mistake that for fragile, my strength roars. I’m a loudmouth activist, a lover of my country and military, an uplifter of underdogs, and a fierce believer in chosen family. At the end of the day, I’m just someone wildly in love with life, chasing joy in all its messy, magical forms. So yes, I might serve, but never forget, I also sparkle.
What lights you up that has nothing to do with being owned?
What lights me up, completely separate from being owned? Oh, so many things! Creating, whether I’m painting, writing, or baking something dangerously delicious, always fills me with joy. I absolutely light up when I’m connecting with others, hyping up a friend, throwing a cozy dinner party, or streaming and chatting with my community. I geek out over true crime, get lost in history documentaries, and yes, I’ll 100% stop everything for a really good cake (and maybe a glass of wine to match). I love being loud, laughing until I wheeze, and diving into meaningful conversations that linger in your soul. Just being present, passionate, and playful in the world? That’s my spark.
What used to make you feel alive, joyful, beautiful, expressive? Even if it has been a long time?
What used to make me feel alive, joyful, and utterly me? Oh, where do I start? Give me a dirt bike, a bow, or a pair of dancing shoes and suddenly I’m grinning like a kid in a candy store. I used to come alive racing through trails, riding my horses with the wind in my hair, or getting mud splattered playing paintball. Sports, martial arts, fishing, and shooting gave me an edge, a thrill, a fire in my chest, and let’s not forget how roleplay and community service let my creativity and heart shine all at once.
But it wasn’t just the wild and adventurous that made me feel beautiful and expressive, it was the sparkle of getting my hair and nails done, the rhythm of singing my heart out, the warm magic of friendly dinner parties, the art of baking something decadent, or capturing a perfect photo. Even school lit me up. I loved learning. And yes, always, my submissive service brought a deep, soulful joy that rooted me in connection and purpose. Whether I was serving, laughing, creating, or covered in mud, those moments reminded me I’m not just living, I’m alive.
Journaling prompt (if you feel ready).
If I could create a sanctuary for myself, just mine, it would include?
If I could create a sanctuary just for me, it would be this dreamy fusion of softness, soul, and submission. Picture a warm, inviting space filled with books, art supplies, and the scent of fresh baked treats wafting through the air. There’d be a cozy chair for reading and writing poetry, a streaming nook to connect with my people, and gentle music dancing in the background. My wine and cake stash? Hidden but sacred. Sunlight would pour through wide windows overlooking nature, and the ocean, my reminder to breathe and be.
But this sanctuary would also hold the quiet, sacred heat of my submissive heart. In one corner, a velvet lined chest filled with cuffs, collars, floggers, and tools of service, each item carefully chosen, deeply meaningful. A small kneeling cushion waits beside it, not as an object of restraint, but as a symbol of devotion. Maybe a journal where I write letters to my Masters or record rituals, reflections, and acts of service. There’s a hook on the wall for my collar when I’m in reflection, and a soft blanket nearby for post scene aftercare. This is a space where I can feel safe and surrendered, creative and claimed. Where my submission and my self expression aren’t separate but beautifully, unapologetically intertwined.
Navigating the Cracks in the Relationship
If you feel like your M/s dynamic is dying, that’s a deeply painful place to be. But pain doesn't always mean failure. It might mean there’s been neglect, unmet needs, or misalignment. Let’s name a few possibilities and see what fits.
Questions to ask yourself:
Do I feel heard when I express my needs, or do they go ignored?
When I express my needs, I don’t believe I’m being ignored, and that matters. I truly don’t think it’s ever out of malice or disregard. More often than not, I know the people in my life are juggling a lot, and sometimes my needs don’t make it to the top of the list because they’re overwhelmed, sick, stressed, or focused on things they believe are more urgent in that moment. I can understand that, and I do my best to be patient and supportive when life gets chaotic.
That said, even with that understanding, there are still times I don’t feel heard. Not because I think anyone is trying to shut me out, but because acknowledgment without follow through can still feel like silence. I don’t need every need met instantly, but a sense that my words truly landed, that my feelings are seen and held, would go a long way. Sometimes, I just want to know I matter even in the mess.
Is the dynamic still active, or has it become one sided?
Our dynamic is still active, and that means so much to me, but I’ll admit, there are times it feels a little one sided, especially when my needs go unmet for weeks at a time. I’m doing my best to stay compassionate, to hold space for everything they’re dealing with, disabilities, illness, work, family, it is a lot, and I don’t for a second believe they’re being unkind or careless. Life gets heavy, and I respect that. But even with all that understanding, it is still hard. Sometimes, just existing in the dynamic isn’t enough; sometimes I need my needs to be seen and tended to, not out of obligation, but so I can feel valued, connected, and truly held. I don’t need perfection, just presence.
Am I being treated with structure, care, and attention, or just expected to perform while feeling invisible?
I truly believe both of my Masters are incredibly caring and deeply attuned to me as a person. They show up in very real ways, helping with my food, medical needs, and overall wellbeing, and I never question that they love me or want what’s best for me. There is structure in our dynamic, and we even have a daily routine that helps ground me. But sometimes that structure feels a bit shaky, lacking the consistency that makes me feel fully anchored in my role. I know they’re balancing so much, and I try to meet that with patience and understanding.
That said, there are times I feel a bit invisible. Often, they’re not aware of what I’m working on or what tasks I’ve completed. It is not that I need constant praise or micromanagement, but when no one notices what I’m doing, it can feel like I’m just going through the motions on my own. That lack of attention, even if unintentional, chips away at the sense of connection I crave in our power exchange. I don’t want to just perform, I want to feel seen, held, and woven into something shared.
Important truth:
Even in consensual slavery, your emotional and physical well being still matter. A Master is responsible for the stewardship of what’s entrusted to them, and that includes your heart and your needs. If you are giving and not receiving anything sustaining in return, that is an imbalance, not obedience.
Steps You Can Take to Begin Reclaiming Power and Clarity
1. Create a self devotion ritual (even 5 minutes daily)
Light a candle, touch your own heart, and say aloud.
I am still here. I am still worthy. My soul is not owned, only offered.
2. Define what you need in the relationship to feel safe and seen.
Regular check ins
Clear rituals or tasks
Emotional validation
Being listened to, not just obeying
Presence
Emotional Availability
Consistency In Structure
Space to be vulnerable
I things I do to actually matter
You are not losing yourself.
You are remembering yourself.