Under The Whip

"There are moments in our lives when we can lose sight of why we are submitting, or we can’t grasp that warm glow of submission like we used to." - Submissive Advent Calendar, LunaKM by the Submissive Guide.

A token that represents my submission can be so many things. I have a keychain of a wolf because I definitely resonate with being a wolf in spirit and it has my slave name, Ava etched into it. However I didnt actually make that. I custom ordered it.

I dont have beads or safety pins on hand to create with, and goodness I was pulling out the paints and canvases currently to pain something amazing to hang on my wall that is so personal. People would never understand.

So to the drawing board. Literally. I created a beautiful card, the size of a playing card. I need the card to be black because I am blind and black is one color I can actually see. The gold represents the richness of my submission. How passionate I am to serve and please my Masters. The willingness I come to them and the love and devotion. It is deep and rich with need and love completely. The filigree design is because I am an artist and I love to be creative in my submissive acts.

The purple represents the House of Koch. It is the color of choice since one Masters favorite color is Red, and the others is Blue, and when you combine them together clearly purple is made. The heart is my submissive heart, in purple because my heart, body, mind, and soul belongs to my Masters.

The bunny ears. Well I am Bunny Bites, but I am my Masters rope bunny. Their cute, happity, hippity, hoppity little rabbit. It resonates so much with me and I absolutely love it. The gold chains completely wrapped around them because I am locked in bondage and servitude to my Masters.

Forever and always, in love and chains.

To see the card just shoot me a DM. 

How Did You Discover You Were Kinky?

So I realized early on that I was different growing up. Growing up was rather difficult even if you took out the abuse I endured I had a confusing upbringing. My biological father is an Irish Traveler but due to being adopted he did not get to remain in his tradutions. So he always told me and raised me to be a dutiful house wife. That women do the chores, cooking, and raising children. At least all the inside house hold chores. My mother however kept telling me that I never needed a man I can go and do whatever I wanted. So naturally I wanted to be a house wife, be married and all of that and then part of me screamed at me for not wanting to be independent and just have a fun life without the norms. In school whenever we were asked what we wanted to be when we grew up all the other children said they wanted to be astronauts or doctors and I simply said a wife and mother.

Then you fast forward to Disney's Aladdin. That moment where Jasmine was a prisoner dressed in red, with her gold chains. Jafar grabs them tugs her over and takes a bite of the apple being held in her hands. I wanted that. I was so jealous of her. I would watch the movie over and over again simply for that part alone. As I got older I would soon begin to learn about sex and life and such. That is when my fantasies began. Whenever I cam across someone with a dominant personality I was extremely attracted. I had dreams about being Jasmine in the same scenarios and how badly I wanted to have chains on my body, cuffs and a pretty slave girl serving an apple in the same way.

There was an instance once when my boyfriend had stayed over. We were 17 years old and I remember him asking me to make him a bowl of ramen. The way he told me to make it was to make it with exactly five cups of water. Boil the noodles for four minutes once the water was boiling. Then I was supposed to get him when it was done. So after I followed the instructions he came in and dumped out all of the water put the seasoning packets in and sat down. He asked me if I had done exactly as he had asked. I said yes, and then he laughed at me. He asked me why I did it that way when he was just going to dump the water out anyways. He said the amount of water would not have mattered.

YES HE WAS A DICK ABOUT IT!!!

Still when I think about these things I have always done everything my power to make my boyfriends in the past happy. There were moments I would be at their house and they would just lift their cups up and I would just get up and go fetch them another drink. It wasn't until I was 19 years old that I met a dominant online on a chat program. He took me under his wing and began to teach me about BDSM and the lifestyle and the fact I was a submissive. I served him for a little while and then moved onto the Gorean lifestyle. Between that time and 2014 I went through a few masters some were just jerks and needed to mature more and others left because I needed to mature more. Overall I think my journey in the BDSM world has been fruitful. Some lessons I had to learn the hard way and some came very easily for me. I am grateful that I have gotten to walk my path the way I have and I am really happy where I am currently.

# List Your Kinks.

Goodness I have far too many to list so down below I will just supply the ones I know are a definite yes and will do multiple times again and again. I have no desire to list my soft limits or things I am curious about. I honestly do believe that listing things I am not interested in would have been a much shorter list but this is fun and well you can all learn a little bit more about who I am as a person.

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My Kinks and Fetishes:
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Bondage

* Rope and Leather
* Blindfolds
* Collars
* Sensory Deprivation
* Restraints
* Suspension

Bodily Fluids

* Cream Pies
* Anal Pies

Fetishes

* Boot Worship
* Cock Worship
* Corsets
* Wearing Heels
* Lingerie

Humiliation

* Forced Feminization
* Forced Nudity
* Forced Servitude
* Humiliation play in Private/sexual
* Shaving of bodily hair
* Standing in the corner
* Verbal humiliation during sex

Impact and Rough Play

* Caning
* Face Slapping
* Riding Crops
* Spankings w/hands, utensils
* Flogger
* Wrestling/ Primal Play
* Fantasy Gang CnC

Branding/Marking

* Branding
* Tattoos

Roleplay

* Auction for charity
* Fear play
* Abduction
* Name Changes
* Open to other roleplays
* CNC Roleplay scenes

Sensation Play

* Breath Play
* Biting/Being Bitten
* Clamps
* Cloths Pins
* Violet Wand
* Hair Pulling
* Wax Play
* Ice Cubes
* Knife play
* Nipple Play
* Pain Play
* Discipline/Punishments
* Scratching
* Suction Cups
* Teasing
* Tickling
* Pinwheels

Service and Restricted/Controlled Behavior

* Everything to do with this

### Sexual Activity/Service
* Regular Penetration
* Anal
* Oral
* Sexy Toys
* Orgasm Control/Denial

Voyeur/Exhibitionism

* Examinations
* Forced Nudity
* Erotica Photo Shoots
* Outdoor Scenes
* Recording Videos
* Voyeurism - Only watching S&M Scenes

TPE & M/s

* Master/slave
* 1950's Household
* Gorean Lifestyle
* Traditional House Wife

What Parts of BDSM Interest You?

The first thing that really pulls me into the BDSM world is the fact I can give over my control to someone and allow myself the liberty in just existing and being who I am as a person without judgment. The fact I also get to live my heart's desire in service to them. I also fully enjoy having the rituals and protocols given to me by my masters and having our daily routine. I have always been a service slave at heart since I started and then when I became disabled it became a bit more difficult to do all that I used to do so to make me feel a little bit more into our dynamic we swapped the dynamic a little bit around and have tweaked it so much that it works out so beautifully for us now. I can have my little space days and have the freedom there to express myself and live my life, and then there are other days when I can be that pretty service slave doing tasks, or toss me down and objectify me as your little pleasure doll.

Then in BDSM you enter in all of my kinks and my fetishes. Oh those make for some good sexy scenes and sexual play. We can wrestle and get our primal urges out of our system. We can do our impact play for intense sadistic and masochistic fun, or use it for my therapuetic moments. Plus things like impact play really ground me and help me to get out of my head and back into the moment completely.

One of the best things I really love about BDSM is that I can explore who I am as a person. I can reach into my desires and my fantasies and explore to my hearts content and not feel judged. It is really a place I can just dive into who I am as a person, and find other people who are just like me and feel as though I belong somewhere.

House Of Koch Slogan

Explore Your Desires, Embrace Your Truth: At House of Koch, Integrity and Consent Illuminate the Path to Kink

House of Koch Motto

Embrace Your Desires: Educate, Empower, Explore.

Core Values of House of Koch

Consent At the heart of every interaction and relationship lies the principle of consent. We believe that mutual agreement and respect for personal boundaries form the foundation of trust and safety within our community. Every experience should be consensual, ensuring that everyone feels empowered and valued.

Trust is essential in fostering a supportive and nurturing environment. We cultivate relationships built on reliability and honesty, allowing our members to explore their desires openly and confidently. Trust enables us to create a safe space where vulnerability is met with understanding and respect.

Integrity Upholding integrity is vital to our mission. We are committed to being honest and transparent in our actions and communications. This commitment fosters a culture of accountability and respect, ensuring that all members of our community can rely on one another and engage with confidence.

Inclusivity We celebrate the diverse tapestry of individuals within our community. Inclusivity means recognizing and valuing each person’s unique identity, experiences, and perspectives. By embracing our differences, we create a richer, more vibrant community that welcomes everyone and champions equality.

Merit We believe in the value of merit, where individuals are recognized and respected based on their character, skills, and contributions rather than preconceived notions or biases. This principle encourages personal growth and fosters a culture of excellence, empowering our members to strive for their best selves.

Character is the cornerstone of our community. We value individuals who demonstrate kindness, respect, and compassion in their interactions. By promoting strong character, we reinforce a supportive environment where everyone feels safe to express their authentic selves.

Honor is about commitment to our principles and to one another. We hold ourselves accountable to a code of ethics that emphasizes respect and dignity. By honoring our agreements and relationships, we build a legacy of fidelity and deep connections that enrich our lives and those around us.

Each of these core values serves as a guiding light for the House of Koch, inspiring our community to engage with one another authentically and passionately, while always upholding the principles that make our space both unique and welcoming.

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This is the house my Masters own and run. Eventually we will be opening up our own play space for like minded people like ourselves that also cherish these same Core Values. For now we an online household and Socialize there on Discord and Fetlife. Attending online munches and classes together. We will soon be hosting our own classes as well. So I am excited for that. 

I cannot stand back anymore and watch all the communities implode because they do not uphold such values in this community. So if you want to understand me a little bit more, understand my Masters and the people we surround ourselves with, it is people who believe in these things, uphold these things and live their lives to these standards. 

I have been putting this writing off for a while now. The main reason I did not desire to write about the feelings I had was do to my anger. It was never something I wanted to convey in my writing. Now that I had some time to process and calm down I can write from my heart and how I am truly feeling.

I am extremely sad, disgusted, and disappointed in my local community both online and in person. For a community that constantly demands respect, consent and safety they all have let me down completely as a whole. All of the accusations that have come out in Orlando was a hard read here on fetlife, let alone the town halls I attended something really hard to listen to. Then I took the time to deep dive myself because I do not just take word from mouth as truth. I have to know everything about it before I come to my own judgment. So that is what I did.

My conclusions are likely going to be extremely unpopular but unfortunately this is how I feel and I do not think these feelings will ever change or be easily swayed to give it another go. My Master Damon and I had gone to The Woodshed on and off for years. I am lucky to say that he never allowed me to be alone which I am grateful for. After hearing all of the stories I could have become a name on the victim's list. I can only imagine what might have happened if MC had been left alone with me as he used me as a Demo model for an Electro Play class. Though honestly I never had an issue and I thought the way he treated me was very well worthy of my respect so he earned it. I believe that now is due to Damon not leaving my side. Still it breaks my heart because of how much I treasured MC.

Damon and I had left The Woodshed when Covid hit and did not come back until it was fully open again. We instantly felt a shift in the atmosphere. It was so stifling due to the cliques that had formed. No one was actively out talking to each other anymore. If you weren't part of these groups, then you did not exist. We actually had a conversation that night with MC and he told us he had to kick out a large group of members for violating rules. Now I wonder if these people did violate rules or were they speaking out against the abuse? Were they banned from the Woodshed to be silenced? A question I likely will never know the answer to. Which for me is sad.

So when I first realized what was going on was when MC posted a notice that The Woodshed was being sold. I instantly reached out to MC and asked why, and if he was okay and what was going on. What I got was a response of lies. Nothing was said about the accusations, the drama, or anything going on. In fact what he said honestly was disgraceful and as much as I want to just openly share what he said I won't be copying his messages here. What I can say is that message he sent me prodded me to do further research. That is when I came across his writing where he admitted to violating someone's consent. I was totally disgusted. Honestly I know no one is perfect and people make mistakes; However that being said a grown adult having been a large part of the BDSM/Leather community for decades. Owning a play space that hit number 2 in the country. Someone who was named reputable, responsible not just for safety of those in the community, but for education correctly and remaining a leading pillar of this community. No, not being perfect is not an excuse here. Age here is not the reason, memory loss is not an excuse. As an adult I hold everyone to the standard you  know right from wrong and I do not need to baby you like a toddler.

Honestly that one admittance was enough for me. It takes only one to show me that you are not someone I should trust, play with, or even respect. Which was a devastating blow too me because of how much I treasured this person. Whenever I was in zoom discussions, or on discord how much I boasted about this person. The experiences I had are now a bittersweet memory. Sure I can keep the good things I experienced and still be angry over the bad things and the fallout. I am just extremely sad and disgusted over it. Even if I respect him coming out the One Time and admitting he had done these things.

Then I do further research and find out that the Staff of the Woodshed covered it all up. That to me is far more disgusting. They knew and did nothing. You allowed this behavior to continue and honestly are in my own opinion an accomplice to these people being hurt. I am not even talking about the staff that also violated consent and hurt members of this community in other ways. Then you have the audacity to come out and apologize? You have the audacity to say you chose to walk away as a staff member because nothing was going to change. As if you are some kind of hero? Absolutely not, they are scum. They said NOTHING. They remained silent and did not warn people. You might as well have been the get away driver for a bank robbery that is how culpable in all of this you all are!!!

Which truly is sad in the long run. One person that I treasured greatly was someone who first taught Damon how to bind my hands correctly so I can stand and be flogged. He taught me the signs to lookout for in my own body to know when I need to call my safe word to readjust. He taught me how to stand correctly for Damon and how to hold onto the rope between my wrists to give me extra support of my weight. Then I find out he was someone that came out to apologize for covering all this abuse up. That he and his partner chose to walk away and remain silent because after many times of trying to get MC to stop and change they realized he wasn't going to. So another great experience is now marred by disgust because they chose to remain silent and allow this kind of abusive behavior to continue. As far as I am concerned, Any staff member should be shunned completely from this community and never be permitted back in ever again. As far as I am concerned you do not have any respect, trust or any excuse worthy of allowing you near me or anyone I care about in this lifestyle. As far as I am concerned you should be sitting in a jail cell right never to MC and all the other people who have hurt these people. All the staff at The Woodshed disgust me.

Now to the people who spoke about being banned from the Woodshed for violating consent and being abusive and then flipping the script to paint the picture that you were abused first etc etc etc. Sit down and shut up. Speaking out to retaliate because you are upset you got caught and were dealt with. I have no sympathy, no compassion and honestly because you only chose to speak out against the abuse there because you were kicked out for being abusive. You are so degusting., and I am glad you have been outed as the type of person you are. Gone, bye, shunned and won't be near me or my closest dearest friends and family in this lifestyle. Anyone that speaks out just because they were caught and don't want the spotlight on them can just become the white noise they truly are. Your words do not matter. Being a victim does not give you the right to turn around and become an abuser. Absolutely Not!!! I know it comes off harsh this entire thing is hard for me because I have been a survivor of abuse my entire life. I have been sexually assaulted, and I have had my consent violated so badly in this lifestyle that I nearly died. So I do not take it lightly when people behave like this.

So to the survivors of the Orlando BDSM Community. Honestly I am glad you came out as a collective. I am so grateful that the light is finally shining down on all this disgusting behavior by the people who advocated so strongly for safety, consent and respect. I am extremely devasted you all had to endure this, and then be silenced. It breaks my fucking heart. This is something that should have never happened to begin with. This is why I do not listen to people just becuase they have been doing something for a long time. Your reputation has no merit to me. I judge you based on your integrity alone. If you do not have good moral standing and character then I avoid. I am grateful that we chose to leave The Woodshed completely back in 2023 because we felt that shift in the community. It was not one we desired to be apart of.

So the Woodshed has sold. As happy as that makes me I will never return. There will be nothing anyone can do to make me believe that the Orlando Community as a whole is safe to play with. I hate to say it but everyone involved is to blame. The silence was deafening and revealed everything to me. Abuser/victim everyone was silent. There is no excuse to remain silent and allow this behavior to continue. As much as I feel the pain this community is going through there is nothing good that can ever come from it for me or those I am close with. Which is sad and heartbreaking because being in a local community is important to me.

Do I hope the new owners will do better? Absolutely. Will I be apart of that, absolutely not. I cannot be around people who refuse to criminally press charges on people who commit sexual crimes. There is no excuse that will ever be good enough to not do that. I cannot be in a room with people who I cannot trust to speak up about injustices happening on around them. Do I know these new owners will fail every once in awhile. Of course I do, but I will not be there when it happens.

I am happy that we are moving soon and we can find a new community but we will be sure to see it for what it is. I do not believe I will ever be into a large part of community ever again. I think moving forward smaller areas will be better for our safety. Vetted people only will be around us. It is not wise nor safe anymore to partake in these types of things and this entire mess with the Orlando community has been a huge eye opener for me.

My heart is broken, I have purged myself of everyone I was friends with from the Orlando community as I have no desire anymore to be near them. I do not deem them safe anymore. Honestly I do not deem any of the community here safe anymore. Lakeland, Tampa nothing. It has been suffocating to watch the doors get closed and the world feel that much smaller but safety, consent, and respect are so important to me that I cannot stand by this anymore. I know I will get much hate on this because of my own personal opinions and view and beliefs on this entire debacle but that is alright. I have never been popular because I actually have no problem standing up and having a voice loud enough to stand for what is right.

So good luck to those trying to fix, heal, and rebuild The Orlando Community. Sadly I will not be apart of it and I hope that when we move we can find a better community in a new city and state.

I do wish you all the very best, do and be better!!!

I do not know who coined the phrase Submission Is A Gift. However I know the majority of women/men who are submissive say this. I have heard it so many times from other submissives all the time. However I do not believe that my submission could ever be a gift. In order for something to be a gift it must be selfless and it must be completely without expectation of receiving something in return.

When I hear someone tell me their submission is a gift, I have to ask them if they do not expect to receive dominance in return? Naturally they always say well, yes. I have asked many a submissive this and it is always the same response. Sometimes they add more saying they expect structure, tasks, rules, etc. So explain to me how is your submission then a gift?

Each D/s dynamic is the same when you tear it down to the basic foundations. The dominant offers his dominance. He guides, shapes, protects his submissive. The submissive then returns with their submission. They obey, serve and grow under that dominance. It is a dance of two counterparts. Without one you can still exist but when both are together it makes for more enchanting experience.

Also in regards to giving a gift you do not get to take it back. At least any decent person would not take a gift back. Especially if a relationship ended. A gift is a gift and it stays with the recipient. So are you going to sit here and tell me, that submission is a gift? Well if you gave it away you cannot have it back. It will now belong with that person for the rest of their life.

Don't get me wrong when I was newer to the lifestyle I used to use this phrase as well. I was younger, naive and lacking education into kink and D/s. I used that phrase mostly to top from the bottom when I was a completely shit submissive. My favorite thing to say, well if you are going to abuse this gift I give you, I take it back...bye felicia.

Honestly what about my abuse in return? My toxicity because they told me no, and I did not enjoy that. I was not receptive to their dominance. Honestly it had nothing to do with their dominance. It had everything to do with the fact I as a person, as a submissive needed to learn myself more and the kind of dominance I needed to have upon me. They were not the right fits for me but that is not their fault. That internally was a me issue.

For me it is now laughable hearing this phrase. Now granted if you want to see your submission as a gift then by all means do so. That is your journey, your story and your prerogative but for me I will never see it that way. For me it is just who I am. For me my submission is my entire personality, my way of life and naturally the role I step into. When I line it up with my partners then it becomes a consented contractual agreement negotiated between myself and my dominant.

Also if my submission was a gift then when I have no dominant then where is that gift at? If it is just not who I am as a person, my personality,, how I present myself, where does it go? I know this is likely so unpopular especially since it isnt just submissive people who coin this phrase. I have heard some dominants using it as well. How they respect the gift. Sorry but I am not a box with a bow on top. I cannot be given to you and then regifted to someone else when you are done with it.

Now respecting the submissive as a person. Absolutely that is mandatory. Gaining consent to take control of them and take that submission that is offered to you? ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY!!! However it works both ways. Just as I offer my submission to my dominants, I too must gain consent to accept their dominance. I must respect them as the people they are outside of their dominance. Just as they must understand I am only human and will make mistakes, I too must remind myself that they are as well.

*Gifts cannot be taken back!
*Consent is mandatory!
*Respect is mandatory!
*Submission is who I am, not something I give away.
*I am not a prostitute, so my submission I do not charge money for.

Also in a court of law....a Gift is NOT refundable!!!

Yesterday was so fucking horrible. I am still angry over it but at least I can feel better and I do not feel numb, lost, or internally not okay anymore. I have my Masters to thank for that. I have never appreciated them as much as I do right now.

My Master Damon is a fixer type of person. He sees me in pain, stress, sadness, etc. He just wants to hover until he has fixed the situation for me so i can go back to being his happy little duchess. Sadly things do not work that way and honestly when I am in a situation like I was in yesterday that is when I just need him to give me space and allow me to feel and exist.

Damon did that for me yesterday. He knew I needed him to just back off a bit and give me that space. He went and dealt with this situation by playing a video game, writing, and just being in his office. He allowed me to listen to my screamo music, internally rage and just try to work on what I was going through the way I needed to work on it. He respected me enough to do that for me and I love him so much more for it.

My Master Calvin understood that from him what I needed was his beast inside of him. I needed to feel pain. I needed to feel completely helpless. I needed to endure the situation at hand for what it was. Completely out of my control. He understood that I truly needed that. He wrestled me. He allowed me to prod at him. He did not give in. He gave me the pain I needed in that moment and then held me at the end as my body finally allowed me to relax and cry my eyes out.

It was so hard because I never know in these moments what I need to get through the situation. I never know in those moments how to communicate these needs. Sometimes the words do not form, cannot come out and internally I am screaming for help. The fact both of my Masters knew. They understood me in this moment a lot more than I could have ever asked them for.

People wonder why I am so loyal to them. Why I love them so much. Why I refuse to leave them for a new relationship, a new dynamic. They do not understand that these two men in my life know me. They know me better than I know myself sometimes. They accept me for who I am as a person. They are there for me and have been there for me through some of the hardest things in my life.

I am loyal because they make me a better person. Not only that they make me WANT to be a better person. They guide me in my submission. They tell me NO and hold firm in it. They accept my kinks and fetishes and allow me the chance to please and serve them. We are sympatico. Especially when they can look at me and just know what I need in the moments I cannot voice it.

My Masters are amazing. They continue everyday to give me a new reason to fall in love with them all over again. To find new appreciation for who they are as people and as my dominants. It is not a joke when I say they truly own me, heart, body, mind, and soul.

To both of my Masters, Damon-Koch and Calvin-Koch I love and appreciate you both so much. Thank you so much for being in my life. Hi Forever!!!

Religious trauma is a thing. Being told that anything to do with your body whether it is sex with your spouse or just plain up masturbation, is a sin. It is told to so many people all over the world and usually beaten into you as a child.

I recall all the stories I was told about how if my parents even talked about sex or asked a question they would have to go pickk out a switch from the tree and get beaten with it. How asking a question deserves that kind of response will always baffle me.

So it was amazing to have my mom come and talk to my Master Damon and I about sex toys and stuff. Apparently she had gone and purchased a ton of things and they had just arrived in the mail. As she opened the packages she realized by looking at them in person they were by far not for her and not what she thought she was buying. So naturally she gave them to us which I appreciate.

This lead to us discussing different types of sex toys. Dildos, vibrations, massagers, etc. The kind of material they are made from. How to care for them. What type of lube to use with different materials. Etc. The conversation was naturally an hour or two long. We asked many questions and she just could not answer because of lack of experience. Still you are never to old to start.

So today we took her to Orlando to one of our favorite adult stores. There she got to browse, touch display toys. We showed her and let her feel the different materials. Damon,, Calvin and I explained how each material was from experience and how hard some of them are to clean. We were at the place a good few hours. In fact I got a new outfit, a bondage bear and two new impact toys to play with. So to me it was successful.

Afterwards we all went out for pizza at a place my master Calvin had been dying to try. It was pretty good. A little hole in the wall but it was popular. Their pizza was pretty good. Even if I disagree that it wasn't authentic New York pizza. We all talked and just enjoyed ourselves. My mother expressed how she had a fantastic time and after she was done feeling extremely anxious and embarrassed stated she had a positive experience and she appreciated the people working there being so nice and helpful.

Overall I think today was a very fun day. I really enjoyed it. I also realized I really needed to escape the house and get out into society for a little while. I have been cooped up way to long. Besides seeing her reaction to some of the sizes of dildos and butt plugs was absolutely hilarious. I really needed a good laugh and I had to explain to her that some people are just that talented!

I am so angry, disgusted, embarrassed, disappointed, frustrated, sad, and ashamed of my local kink community and everything that is going on.

Heartbroken indeed to find out what happened. Extremely upset it took this long.

Happy that when I felt a change so many years ago I stayed away.

it shows me it is not safe in most areas still.

Thankful I am moving!!!