Is it easy for you to make friends with D types or s types more? If not at all, why is that?
Making friends within the BDSM community is slightly more complicated for me, especially in consideration of the specific dynamics between dominants and submissives. I will explore the subtleties of such relationships based on my personal experiences and observations.
For some this comes in the form of almost irreparably strong and honest bonds that it can make between two people. That does not mean the friendships themselves are easy to forge. Along my path, I've been unable to forge an abundant amount of long lasting friendships with either sides of the slash. Often resulting in feelings of isolation within a community I deeply admire.
When it comes to dominants, the dominant dynamic can sometimes be one of transaction. A number of dominants I have encountered over the years actually seemed more concerned about creating a semblance of friendship to achieve whatever purpose they may have had in mind, be it to get into a D/S relationship or to attain their sexual goals. While many dominants are truly kind and caring, the masked intentions of some simply create a barrier to forming any real connections. Finding friendship with them often seems highly complicated, riddled by uncertainties of their true motives. I must often always approach conversation with dominants completely guarded and remaining alert.
My experiences, on the other hand, have been equally discouraging on the submissives' side. Sometimes, the submissive community can really show its dark underbelly of competition, jealousy, and negativity. In place of fostering a sense of camaraderie, there have been times when interactions felt more like playground politics. The fact that some have engaged in catty behavior, besides discouraging friendships, also created an invisible wall between those seeking genuine friendships and the community at large. I so wished for a network of people who uplift rather than tear others down. Which is so disheartening becuase having a submissive community for support is something I would truly benefit from.
The issue at the core is a supportive community needs a haven where each person feels their due importance, being understood, accepted, respected and believed in, without the fear of being exploited, judged, mocked, or abused. It's especially important, in light of BDSM exploration, where vulnerability mingles with desire. Sadly though I have found the majority of people lack integrity, honesty, character and accountability.
The sad consequence of this struggle to find friends who do uplift is that the feeling of isolation has been brought into this apparently progressive and liberal community. Actually, that search transcends any one particular community and bespeaks universal human aspirations toward meaningful relationships.
So, how does one build up a more supportive community? Especially when this type of community that currently exists is just a cesspool of selfishness, drama, toxicity, and deceit?
