Any kink or BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?
My personal pet peeves in the BDSM community are vast. I will only list below the majority I encounter on a daily basis. They are personal to me. I will also include in my writing about why I believe they are considered social norms within this community.
Capitalizing D or M for dominant and master.
Submissives speaking in third person.
When speaking using stylized writing such as: W/we or E/everyone.
The issue of proper grammar is more than just an aesthetic preference. It serves as a means of respect within the community. For many practitioners, terms like “W/we” and “M” or “D” carry significant weight and should be treated as such. The use of capitalization in these terms isn't merely a quirk of style. It is a nod to the dynamics within BDSM relationships. Writing “W/we” indicates a mutual bond and a shared journey between the submissive and the Dominant. While lowercase “w” diminishes this connection. Addressing a Master or Dominant with a capital “M” or “D” reflects a recognition of their title and role upholding the power exchange central to many BDSM practices. Neglecting these conventions can feel dismissive to many in the community.
In addition to grammatical frustrations, the use of third person speech is another point of irritation for some. Many in the community appreciate when submissives refer to themselves in the third person during scenes or interactions. This practice can enhance the experience by emphasizing the power exchange and deepen the connection between partners. Not everyone adheres to this convention and some may even use it sporadically or incorrectly. This inconsistency can disrupt the ambiance and weaken the intended dynamic.
The inconsistency of etiquette can sometimes reflect a broader lack of awareness or consideration within the community. While kink and BDSM are inherently personal journeys. Certain behaviors like disregarding established norms can foster misunderstandings and diminish the enchanting atmosphere many seek to create. Adequate communication shared understanding, and mutual respect are foundational elements that sustain healthy, fulfilling relationships in the BDSM community. When fundamental practices, such as proper speech or acknowledgment of roles are overlooked. It can create an impression that some members are not fully committed to the ethos of respect that the community strives for.
For me however the lack of proper grammar and speech signifies a lack of education. Especially since there is no bible to BDSM and Kink. It still has become a social norm for online communication and I do not understand why.
Ultimately it’s essential to recognize that BDSM is an evolving culture, and people come to it with diverse backgrounds and levels of understanding. While my pet peeves may seem trivial or overly critical to some, they highlight a broader call for mindfulness and awareness in interactions.
Despite these being larger pet peeves of mine. I do not criticize people for using grammar in this fashion. I may give a simple eye roll as I read these things. I simply ignore these nuances. I personally do not and never will type W/we or E/everyone, and I will not type or write in third person. I have been guilty of using capital letters for Dominants and Masters. Not that I prefer to do so online in the BDSM community. I simply do this because it is a social norm and a sign of respect. I also first and foremost adhere to my Masters rules and guidelines. Proper grammar is what they prefer and desire.
While I do not personally use the majority of these social norms within the community. I still respect the people that do.
