DISCLAIMER: I came across a piece of writing some time ago that inspired me to create my own list. Unfortunately, I no longer remember where I found it. While I appreciated the perspective presented, I didn’t entirely agree with everything on their list. The following is a reflection of what resonates deeply with my own heart and soul. It may not reflect how everyone in BDSM feels, but it is my truth, and these are the principles that guide my personal experience within my dynamic.
Managing the Masters' Emotional Well being:
As a slave, I take great pride in respecting my Masters, but I am not responsible for their emotional state. While I want to care for them and provide support, it is not my duty to manage their feelings or make them feel a certain way. A healthy dynamic depends on mutual emotional responsibility. If my Masters are upset or experiencing difficulties, it is important that they handle those emotions. Just as I must manage mine. We communicate openly about how we feel, and while I offer care, it is not my responsibility to "fix" things or be their emotional caretaker. A dynamic built on shared emotional health and respect is the goal.
Reading Minds:
No matter how well I know my Masters, I cannot and should not be expected to read their minds. Effective communication is essential, and I cannot always anticipate their desires, thoughts, or needs without them expressing them clearly. I may be attuned to their preferences over time, but assumptions lead to misunderstandings, and clear verbal or non verbal cues are essential in maintaining a smooth and respectful dynamic. It is important that all of us have the freedom to articulate our wants, limits, and desires explicitly, rather than relying on guesswork.
Pleasing at All Costs:
It is crucial to remember that pleasing my Masters, does not mean sacrificing my well being or comfort at all costs. My boundaries, emotional state, and physical health must always be considered, and it is not my responsibility to please my Masters if it puts me in an unsafe position. This dynamic isn’t about blind obedience. It is about mutual respect. I need to be able to say no when something feels wrong or goes beyond my limits, and my Masters should respect that. True service is about creating a space where all of us feel safe and cared for, not just about fulfilling my Masters' desires at my expense.
Being Perfect:
Perfection is a myth in any relationship, including in BDSM. As a slave, I strive to for excellence and live up to the expectations of my dynamic, but I am allowed to make mistakes, to learn, and to grow. I don’t need to be flawless in every task or in how I serve. What matters is that I try my best, communicate when I am struggling, and take responsibility for my actions. Making mistakes doesn’t mean I am less worthy of being in this dynamic or of being loved and respected. It is an opportunity for growth and learning for all of us.
Taking Responsibility for the Dynamic:
While I am an active participant in maintaining the structure and flow of our dynamic, it is not solely my responsibility to ensure it stays healthy or fulfilling. This is a partnership, and all of us are responsible for keeping the relationship in balance. My Masters also has the responsibility to communicate their needs and to check in with me, just as I should with them. This mutual effort helps ensure that all of us feel valued, heard, and safe. A one sided dynamic is unhealthy, and it is important for all parties to nurture and maintain the relationship.
These points reflect the idea that, while BDSM dynamics can be intense and focused on power exchange, they should always be built on mutual care, respect, and clear boundaries. All parties should be invested in making the dynamic work, and it is essential for the slave to remember their worth and their own needs.