This is my perspective and opinion, shaped by many years of experience in this lifestyle.
Over the many years I’ve spent in the kink lifestyle, one thing has stood out to me again and again, far too many people who call themselves “Dominant” seem to believe that their title alone equals respect. They throw the word around as if simply saying, “I am Dominant,” makes others fall at their feet. But here’s the truth I’ve come to understand.
Dominance is not respect.
Dominance is a role, a presence, an energy. Respect, however, is something entirely different. Respect cannot be claimed, demanded, or assumed, it has to be earned.
When someone says they are Dominant, all I hear is a label. A word. A self given title. It tells me nothing about their character, their integrity, or their ability to hold space for another person. Respect comes from seeing someone consistently live by their values, treat others with decency, and embody a strength that doesn’t need to shout to be felt.
Too often, I’ve seen people confuse the two. They act as if holding the title of Dominant automatically means others owe them deference. But to me, that is an empty illusion. My submission, my trust, and yes, my respect, are deeply personal things. They are not given out freely to anyone who claims to be “in charge.” They must be earned by someone who truly is Dominant in the way I perceive it, grounded, capable, and respectful themselves.
This is why not every person who claims the title of Dominant gets my respect as a Dominant. Respecting a title and respecting a person are two completely different things. I can recognize someone’s chosen role without feeling they deserve my submission or admiration.
For me, respect flows from my submissive side only when I feel the presence of someone who genuinely embodies Dominance, not just in name, but in action, in how they treat people, and in how they carry themselves. Those are the people I honor as Dominants. Everyone else is simply wearing a label.
And that distinction is important, because it reminds me of my own agency. Respect is not something I owe anyone, it is something I choose to give when I feel it has been earned.