Content Warning - This writing briefly references physical and sexual abuse.
Lately, I’ve been listening to a handful of podcasts, and one episode in particular stuck with me long after it ended, not because it was profound, but because it echoed a mindset that’s been circulating loudly for well over a decade. If I’m being honest, it is exhausting to hear the same narrative repeated without nuance, reflection, or depth.
I’ve also noticed a pattern here on social media, Posts fueled by rage, blanket hatred, and inflammatory soundbites often rise in popularity, while thoughtful reflections rooted in lived experience quietly fade away. As tempting as it is to unpack those double standards, that isn’t why I’m writing today.
What I am writing about is something a woman said during that podcast, and the reaction it stirred in me, shaped by my own experiences and the life I’ve lived.
During the episode, a man interviewed a woman who openly stated that she hates men. Her words were blunt and unapologetic: men suck, men are trash, and she wouldn’t save a man even if he were on fire. She'd rather be with the bear, over a man. When the interviewer asked a simple follow-up, “Why do you hate men?”, she replied that men harm women, and therefore all men are predators, rapists, and murderers.
When asked whether a man had ever harmed her, physically, sexually, emotionally, or mentally, her answer was no, not a single time in her life. She explained that her beliefs came entirely from what she sees on social media.
And this is where I struggle.
Her worldview wasn’t shaped by lived experience, but by headlines, outrage cycles, and algorithm driven content designed to provoke fear and anger. Much of what circulates online isn’t always factual. Some stories are satire. Some are exaggerated. Some are misinformation crafted for clicks. Others are real and heartbreaking, but stripped of context. This is why I don’t live by rumors. I choose facts, evidence, and critical thinking.
Let me be very clear: yes, some men can and do cause harm. Some of that harm is violent, devastating, and deserving of serious accountability within the justice system. I also know many people never report what happens to them, out of fear, shame, guilt, or concern for retaliation.
I know how hard that is. I’ve reported before and was blamed for what happened because I “allowed myself” to be in that situation. That response is crushing, and it needs to change.
But it is not all men.
Blaming an entire gender for the actions of a subset isn’t awareness, it is projection. And it is dangerous thinking.
I find it deeply ironic when I hear women, even the one on the podcast, say they’d rather be lost in the woods with a bear than with a man. This is why I find this hilarious.
Bears are not evil, but they are powerful wild predators. Black bears, often labeled “less aggressive,” are still fast, strong, and capable of predatory behavior, especially if a person is injured, isolated, or vulnerable. Trees and distance are not reliable protection, and predatory attacks tend to involve stalking and persistence.
Brown bears and polar bears pose even greater danger. Grizzlies are massively strong, territorial, and capable of sudden, overwhelming defensive attacks, particularly near cubs. Polar bears are the most dangerous of all, as they actively hunt large prey and will investigate humans as food. Alone in polar bear territory, there is virtually no margin for error.
Being lost in the woods with a man is fundamentally different. A man is capable of communication, empathy, moral choice, and cooperation. He can assess risk, share resources, seek help, deescalate conflict, and act with intention and restraint. A bear cannot. Wildlife danger is absolute and uncontrollable, human interaction always carries the possibility of shared humanity.
Before anyone questions whether I have the “right” to speak on this, here is my reality.
I have been assaulted. I have been beaten, punched in the face by one ex, put into a coma by another. I was jumped as a teenager and had my face smashed with a rock. I was sexually assaulted. I was molested as a child. If anyone could justify hatred by experience alone, it would be me.
And yet, I don’t hate all men.
Because blame belongs exactly where it should: on the people who committed the harm. Not on an entire gender. Not on a stranger who has done nothing wrong.
What breaks my heart is the messaging that has dominated the last decade or two. The idea that men should be erased, silenced, canceled, or told they shouldn’t exist at all. Sometimes the rhetoric goes so far as telling men they should kill themselves.
My brothers grew up hearing that. My nephews are growing up hearing that. My Masters lived through that narrative. And that is profoundly wrong. What I often see is unprocessed pain projected outward, paired with a lack of critical thinking skills. Many of the people speaking this way need healing, emotional maturity, and support. With growth, this language often softens, I just wish it didn’t take so long.
What made the podcast conversation even more disheartening was hearing this woman say she wants to date men. She wants to marry one. I genuinely wonder how someone can hate an entire group while still craving intimacy, partnership, and love from them?
Why, I love men.
Men are not evil. I will never hate them. I love them. I love their creativity and ingenuity. I love their strength, physical, emotional, and moral. I love their steadiness in crisis and their protective instincts. I love their quiet loyalty and their willingness to carry unseen weight. I love their problem-solving minds, their sense of honor, and their growth through responsibility. I love how many of them show love through action rather than words. And yes, I love how handsome they are, in all their imperfect, human ways.
And honestly?
Whether you like it or not, We need them.