Our Needs Reclaimed
“The paradox is that the needs of the master are not, in fact, superior to the needs of the submissive. Rather, they share equal importance.” – Kacie Cunningham
My Needs That Are Currently Being Met:
Clear and Honest Communication
- Trust
- Reassurance
- Transparency
- A sense of belonging to and being possessed.
- Clear and Regular Routines
- A 24/7 TPE Dynamic.
- Mutual Respect
- Established and Clear consequences for bad behavior and unsatisfactory service.
- Reinforcement of good behavior and service.
- Preferred Expressions of Affection
My Needs That Are Kind Of Being Met:
- Sex to completion of Big O - Sometimes
- Sexual Physical Touch
My Needs That Still Need To Be Met In The Future:
- Quality Time
- Impact Play
- S&M Scenes
- Alone Time
- Conflict Resolution
- Intimacy
People fail to realize that needs are not negotiable. If you have a partner that cannot fulfill the needs you have eventually you will resent them. It just is how it is. You have to be out there searching for the perfect partner or partners that can maintain a healthy fulfillment of your needs.
Over the years needs do and will change as you grow and change as a person. There is nothing wrong with that. You just have to come back to the table with your partner and inform them. You cannot abuse them and be angry with them for not fulfilling a need they have no clue you actually have. If you do not share it, then you cannot punish them for not doing it.
If your partner sees your new list of needs and they openly say they cannot fulfill that need for whatever reason. Then you have two choices. Either open up your relationship to allow each other new partners to be involved on both sides of the relationship, OR you can choose to part ways. It might hurt because you were so happy but it beats ending in a horrible way later down the road.
If you notice my list above there are needs that are not yet being met. They are however being worked on. People are human and we need time to iron out kinks in a relationship. Especially when everyone in it has their own issues. We have other stresses in our lives as well that play a part on what can and cannot be happening in this exact moment.
As much as we want instant gratification sometimes we have to put our needs on the back burner. This is of course fine to do just so long as we do not let them sit there forever and burn in the background of our mind causing us to become hateful bitter people. Remember it is OUR responsibility to make sure our needs are being met, and HOW they are being met.
For Example: For me quality time means I am getting 100 percent undivided attention from my partners during an activity I enjoy doing.
For someone else it could mean just watching a movie together while we are playing on our cellphones at the same time. quality time looks different for different people. It is your sole responsibility to define what your needs are, exactly how they should be met, and to ensure they are being met.
It is ABUSIVE to sit there berating our partners for not fulfilling our needs the way we want if they do not communicate them. We cannot blame them for unfulfillment if they do not know about it. So please remember that. It is also OUR responsibility to advocate for ourselves and be the bigger person to choose ourselves over someone who is super hot. Needs come first, attraction second in my opinion.
Besides looks are simply cosmetic they can be changed so lets not be shallow and always remember that.
Anyhow I wonder how many of you who read this have actually written your needs list? Do you actually use it in your tools to vetted a dynamic/partner/relationship? I honestly feel if I was taught this as a younger teen I would have saved myself so many heartaches.
Have you tried to figure out your needs? If so, do you apply them today in your current relationships? Are you happier now then you have been when you haven't used them?
