I am not good with words, I am worse at words when it comes to self describing or searching my feelings. I have craved to be feminine my whole life (at least as long as I can remember). I was caught as a young child in the bathroom trying on my mothers dirty clothes from the hamper. I have always felt like I should have been a girl....I have also always been too chicken shit to do anything about it. I joined the Army right after HS, and spent 20 years hiding my true self. Flash forward to the last few years, my feelings are still there....but I am a big, broken, unmistakably male person. My femme self hasn't gone anywhere, but I know I will never be completely what I want. I express that in my kink....(one of them). It lets me feel like the feminine person I know I will never be. I don't have to look at myself, I can close my eyes sink into the scene and it's all real. This is kind of my coming out statement, but also, I am writing this because I am pissed off. I have been joining trans chat groups and meeting other Trans Women and Men, but I tried to join a chat recently that ended up really hurting me. They were looking for trans people to help moderate a national trans kik chat. I was denied, and told it was only a fetish to me. It fucking sucked hearing that something that I have used to come to grips with myself and the rest of the world, disqualified me as trans in this persons eyes. I felt abandoned....I was hurt, I still am....but I am bigger than them. I know what I am, I might be scared to shout it from the mountain...but some day I will