All that Jaz

it's been awhile. I've been doing a bit of soul searching and trying to learn more about myself, and what makes me tick. (you would think I would have figured that out after almost 45 years, but nope).  The biggest change I am trying to do, is be sober.  My drinking has gotten incrementaly worse the last 18 years.  Even more so, when dealing with my social anxiety, etc. I was doing good.  I hadn't had a drink in a few weeks, but I realllllllly wanted one (or several).  This weekend I failed myself, and got quite drunk. I hated myself in the morning, not because of a hangover (I don't seem to get those), but because I threw away weeks of hard work and discipline.  Now, I don't know why this never hit me before....discipline....I am in a FLR, discipline should be my claim to fame, yet, I never attributed my drinking to that.  So, that is my new outlook on it.  I am supposed to be the best person I can be for Ma'am, and I can't do that when I am drunk.  It still won't be easy, but I have real motivation now.  On top of the drinking, my blood sugar has been getting worse.  Ma'am accompianed me to my last doctors visit, where he gave the "diabetes is going to kill you and you will never know till it's too late" So, I am on a new diet, and thinking about taking it another step to a keto diet.  Once again, though, I am going to be disciplined and take care of myself so that I can serve Ma'am for many more years.