Unassuming Daisies

I fear that I keep losing. Whether its a friendship or a job interview or even the potential for something with someone. I keep getting told "no I am not enough, my life is too messy, too complicated." I know that I have flaws and that I can do things to fix them but no one takes a chance on me when I desperately just need someone in my corner that believes in me. I can handle not being pretty enough or skinny or whatever but being left behind that sucks. 

Maybe one day someone will realize that I am actually great and that my messy life is a blip in what could be. All I know is that I like me, mess and all but I just want to be enough that someone fights for. 

Life has a way of making you think this close to the holidays. A week ago I celebrated my birthday, another year older and so much closer to a new decade. I never dislike getting older in fact I quite enjoy it, it means I'm still here and I am succeeding in some way. The last year was rough so I am hoping that the next one will be better but regardless I will stay standing. 

I hope everyone who celebrates the holidays has a fabulous time and that those who dont still have amazing days. One thing I encourage everyone who can to do is to donate towards giving back this year. I have been volunteering with a toy drive and while it has been insanity and backbreaking it has also been soo rewarding. I would love if everyone could give back in some small way during the hardest time of the year. 

Life will keep going and I will see some of you in the new year! 

I posted recently that life felt defeated. That I didn't know next steps and I still don't have answers. But things feel less bleak. I know it wont always be such intense highs and lows but I cant let the pain overwhelm me. I have friends and family that are there if I will let them be. I also know that as much as I want to use my submissive nature as an escape from reality that will not serve me well in the long run. I need solid coping mechanisms and grounding techniques that can keep me from spiraling out of control. 

If anyone has any suggestions or even any words of wisdom I would appreciate it. 

Lots of drastic changes in a very short period of time have left me feeling very crazy and out of control. I need balance and relief from the mental fatigue. 

I have never been the smartest or the prettiest girl in the room. I know that many look at me and dont see much. Even I dont see much worthwhile. But the last year has brought major changes from moves and loss of relationships. To ending back where I started, nowhere. I often feel like my quest for both halves of myself will never be whole. I am not the type of girl who needs a man to make her whole but I enjoy the purpose of having someone else to care for. I am pulled in every direction and lost at the same time. One day I believe I will find my way but for now I wander looking for the lost things hoping to return them. 

Alice had what she would call the longest day of her life. But she knew she still had a few hours before Sir would come home. After a hot shower and a quick dinner of spaghetti. She finds herself on the couch in her favorite tank top and shorts looking at the netflix cue. She doesn’t hear Sir come in before all of a sudden a blindfold is placed over her eyes and a hand covers her mouth. Sir’s hand only drops as Alice’s shock wears off. “Hello little pet” he whispers as he ties the blindfold in place. Her arms pulled behind her back. She can feel as rope comes around her breasts pulling tight making them ache. More rope is placed around her ankles and thighs. Legs spread open so that Sir has full access to her pussy.

“You look beautiful pet if only you could see how I have you splayed for me”. Alice feels Sir slowly start touching her body. Her chin, her throat and her mouth. Sir’s thumb sits on her lips and Alice sucks on it for some attention. “Naughty pet, don’t worry you will have your fun later”. Sir finally moves his hands down to her breasts massaging them, slapping them, pulling my nipples twisting them. She can feel her body’s reaction to his touch. She knows her pussy is starting to prove just how much she loves when Sir takes control like this. As Sir applies clamps to her nipples she can’t help but to gasp and moan. Sir’s chuckles fill the air as he starts rubbing her thighs. Alice feels slightly overwhelmed by all of the touching. When all of a sudden something hits her thighs hard. Alice’s yell is one of pain and surprise as another blow comes again and again. By this point she’s figured out it’s Sirs belt her pussy is dripping and making a mess all over the sofa. Her moans fill the air as Sir slides a finger inside and starts thrusting slowly. He’s being so agonizingly slow but she can feel her body building up to an orgasm. Right as she’s ready to cum Sir pulls away and deny her. A huff of frustration escapes Alice’s lips. “Oh don’t be bratty now little girl”. as a slap to her pussy comes down hard. She screams loudly. “That won’t do pet you are going to ruin my fun if you scream like that in my ear”. Sir stops what he’s doing and grabs a gag placing it in her mouth and telling her to be quiet and take it. He starts rubbing her clit making her moan around the gag. She can feel herself getting ready to cum when Sir once again stops and spanks her pussy with his belt 3 times, before all of a sudden she’s being grabbed by her hips and pulled down. She can feel the tip of Sir’s cock at the entrance of her pussy. She starts trying to slide down on to it but a firm slap to her boobs with the belt stops her. Without warning Sir slams into her pussy. Taking everything he wants. She’s begging around the gag for more. More pain more pleasure. To cum on his cock

Relationships end. That’s not surprising, what is surprising is when they end and you aren’t prepared for it. My world came crashing down recently but through it all I have reminded myself that i can handle hard things. Sometimes though all i wanna do is curl up in a ball and cry. the saying is when life gives you lemons but this time life just bit me in the ass. It will get better i know it will but on days like today i wish it would hurry the fuck up. 

Sometimes I’m at war with myself. Between wanting to be objectified and super submissive, to wanting to continue to have the freedom in being my own person and making most of my own decisions. But when I want the former I go deep into wanting that. And I know exactly what to say and how to act. Yet I eventually want to come out of that mindset and be a person again. I’ve learned though that just going back and forth is hard and sometimes it’s easier just being told to stay in one or the other. But now after many months of living the latter. I truly don’t know which is better for me. 

anyway all that to say is life is rough and I need a helmet. 

Recently I have been struggling with the idea that I am not enough for myself and if thats the case how can I be enough for someone else especially someone I love? I don't have the answer but I was reminded of a poem that I had written a few years ago when my life felt like it was imploding. This poem speaks of being held. By whom is not fully stated, I let it open to interpretation based on what the reader needed in that moment. For me when I wrote it I was chasing after the unconditional love of a father that was constantly telling me that he was disappointed and that I could do better. The poem is a raw reflection of feelings that I try to ignore and get past. My writing is going to be a bit messy and not very well done like some others I've read but it is mine and I take pride in that. So without further ado this is Wrap Me.

You wrap me in your arms

Pulling me closer still

I listen to your heartbeat

I know that it beats for me

But I have fallen so far

Rebelled with everything in me

I have broken my heart on the walls of independence

But you come and you hold me as I cry

You set me on your lap

You remind me of mercy

Of the Grace that you bestow

Grace the name you place over me and call me by

I doubt that it’s true

But you hold me still

Telling the reasons that I am

I am yours nothing will change that for you

I can deny it or doubt it all I want

But it doesn’t change

So I sit on your lap

Listening to your heartbeat

Wrapped in arms that are pulling me closer still

And I know despite all my running

I am home

I am starting a new venture... sharing my thoughts to a public space. It is a very scary idea for me to put my thoughts out and be vulnerable but I know that if I want to grow I need to challenge myself. So in 2025 I am challenging myself to write and put it out into the ethos for anyone. I cant promise something amazing or grand but I will promise my best going into it. There will probably be some very eclectic things popping up but I am a mismatched quilt with every piece telling a story. So this is mine...

I remember I was 14 when I first found out what dominance in a man was. I was watching something i shouldn't have been. A soap opera if I remember correctly. The character was the silent but deadly type. He walked in the room and everyone waited for him to speak or move. His power was palpable but he didn't abuse it. He was soft only with a select few but he still created that feeling of respect. When he told someone to do something he expected for it to be obeyed. Unlike John Wayne in some of his movies, he didn't spank the girl when she was being a brat and disobeying, what even common sense knew was not a good idea. I remember thinking that this is what I want in a man someday. 

As years passed and I got older I continued to look at media for portrayals of such men. I found them most often in books. Some romance novel or action novel that was found on a shelf laying around. I started looking for more books and eventually fell into dark romances. Here I found the men to be possessive and powerful, they knew what they wanted and didn't apologize for it. They didn't treat their women like glass but still protected them with passion and a rage that was primal. They knew their dark sides and reveled in the pleasure that pain could bring with the right circumstances. 

When I finally stepped into my time for sexual encounters I found that I craved for that strong hand to lead me and guide me. However most men aren't like that a fact I knew but still had to face head on. I found the guy I had been hoping for since 14 and life was great but like everything there are highs and lows. Much of life is uncertain and the past cant be rewritten but everyday is a gift. The saying is I had to kiss a few frogs to find the prince, well its a good thing I never wanted the prince. 

One thing I know is that my journey here was anything but smooth. I had plenty of times when I wanted to give up and call it quits. Maybe I would've been happy with boring vanilla, but I chose rocky road and cookies & cream for a reason and I was gonna be stubborn till I had them. 

Wishing everyone a happy new year and a great day!!

-daisy