Foundations:
I have given a lot of thought to foundations, something I think relates to every aspect of this lifestyle.
What is a foundation well in building it is the bases upon which you will build you structure, if it is week it will fail, if it is not square it will be harder to finish, if you leave cretin parts tell later it will be more difficult to add in what you need later.
So how dose this apply to people and relationship, in truth it's not much different. In building you have to survey the land, build a solid bed for the basic foundation to be built on and make sure that you address such things as drainage, exposure to weather, access to to and from the building and so on.
In a relationship it is not much different, you have to build a solid bed which is based on truth and communication, set a goal for both sides, do you share any interest, building a relationship on truth, goes a long way to a solid base, in BDSM there should be a set of rules for your slave, and you should have a set also,( for me some of my rules are never strike out of anger you can be mad just be in control). You can't say one thing and do another expecting your slave to respect you.
Be genuine and forthcoming.
If a masters word is law to a slave than it's law to the master.
After you determine what your common ground is, than you should begin to build on what expectations you have.
A slave should let you know what it is that she really desires from this type of lifestyle, maybe she just want someone the tell her what to do, and to be punished when she fails to do that.
Maybe she wants to be controlled and treated like a pet, or a sub human, and she wants no input into what happens to her.
I will say that you should establish some ground rules with a pet type, fully listen to what she says she wants, even a pet has limits.
Maybe this is all new and she dose not have any idea what she wants, and some exploration is in order.
No mater what the situations may be there is always a core from where a slaves needs stem from, it is up to the Dom/Master to sort through the information and figure out what that is.
I can tell you from personal experience that it can be a processes.
My best advice on this is to listen and re-ask the questions you used to find out about her in the first place.
Have her restate what she thinks she is getting, and what she thinks she wants, there are subtle things that will remain consistent in her words and this will help you figure out what her needs are.
There is of course those who say my master should decide for me, I say no, that is a bad idea, nothing good comes from not communicating.
Lets review
Communication. Talk about your kinks your desires, and listen to her's, make sure you understand them. You can do this by re -stating them to her.
Expectations: Set the tone lay out your expectations, listen to what she says, listen to her expectations if they don't fit than it won't work
Honesty: Be honest, tell her what you want, make sure she wants the same
Trust: Let her know what your doing and why even if it is to please you because you enjoy it. you will earn her trust by being upfront.
Boundaries and limits: Establish boundaries, discus limits, both yours and her's, everyone has them, whether they know them or not.
Rules and Consequences: Let her know the rules and that there will be consequences for breaking them,
Punishments and rewards: Punishment should be just that, not for pleasure, there is a difference between setting her up for fun and true punishment, rewards
should be given for good behavior this reinforces the desire to be good and to obey.
Mental health and physical health: It is important to use all the tools you have to learned, her mental state, emotional state, and her physical state . you don't want to breake her spirit a broken slave is a tragedy and can be avoided, there is braking a horse and braking it's spirit, know the difference
Limits: L added this because it is a different kind of limit. it is your own limit and that of the slave you own, know your limits and respect her's you can always push her limits just don't shatter them.
This lifestyle is not so much about attraction and chemistry like a vanilla relationship is, it is more about the psych, the emotional and physical needs we have.
For each it is different, but this is one of the few areas we have to express or experience those aspects of our self.
For some it is a cleansing of the soul, an experience that keeps us in balance. For others it is a release of our self getting lost to the moment and feeling who we are without the confines of society and self imposed restrictions.
This is a power exchange, but clearly each side of the exchange is a give and take. When you understand what to take and when, you will get more from your slave and she will get more from you, remember she needs to be controlled, so it helps knowing what feeds her needs.
The more you understand a slave's motives and desires the more you open her mind up to your will, this will create a more stable connection and increase the bond you have with her.
Shadowlord
