Infernal Affairs

I think the concept of vulnerability in men is woefully underexplored.

Certainly in superficial dom/sub relationships, it is practically taboo.  I'd like to share some wisdom from Scott Weiland, though:

It's been a long year
Since you've been gone
I've been alone here
I've grown old

Fall to pieces, I'm falling
Fell to pieces and I'm still falling
Every time I'm falling down
All alone I fall to pieces

I keep a journal of memories
I'm feeling lonely, I can't breathe
Fall to pieces, I'm falling
Fell to pieces and I'm still falling

Every time I'm falling down
All alone I fall to pieces
Every time I'm falling down
All alone I fall to pieces

Every time I'm falling down
All alone I fall to pieces
All the years I've tried
With more to go

Will the memories die
I'm waiting
Will I find you
Can I find you

We're falling down
I'm falling
Every time I'm falling down
All alone I fall to pieces

Every time I'm falling down
All alone I fall to pieces

Every time I'm falling down
All alone I fall to pieces

Every time I'm falling down
All alone I fall to pieces

Torn like an old dollar bill
Girl let them say what they will
That no one should hurt you
And that's all I seem to do
That no one should desert you
And that's all I seem to do

I got to tell you, goodbye mama
We've taken this too far
Been trying to tell you what's going on
Trying to make it easy on you
Trying to make it better
Make it easier on you
It's all I came to do
It's all I came to do

Now I'm down in the light
And I must be dreaming it
Cause I see clearly, I see angels here
Bringing something to me, Mother Mercy

I told a lie, I didn't mean it
Goodbye mama, I've taken this too far
Been gone a while
Been gone a long way, oh yeah

I don't want to hurt you
It's all I seem to do
Don't want to desert you
It's all I seem to do

I got to tell you, goodbye mama
I've taken this too far
Been down a while
Been down a long way

Trying to make it easy on you
Trying to make it better
Make it easier on you
It's all I came to do
It's all I came to do
It's all I came to do
That's all... been down a long
Been down a long, long way
Torn like an old dollar bill

Just got back from martial arts class.

You know when you can just tell you're gonna ache like the very devil in the morning?

Yeah, that... 

When it's stormy outside, the wind is howling and the rain lashes at the window, I love to feel cosy - warm and dry - at home.

But, there's something deep inside of me that wants to step outside, face the raging gales, climb up to the highest peak and scream into the wind. 

An elemental kinship, harking back to times most ancient. 

Set me adrift.  Let me float down the waterways of your soul, in a boat crafted from your words. 

May your thoughts given synaptic breath show me where the tributaries of your persona join the deeper current of your soul's flowing river.

Then let us follow, til our waters mingle and disappear into the vast ocean of all that is becoming.  All that was for both of us.

All that should be.

H. 

“To women who please me only by their faces, I am the very devil when I find out they have neither souls nor hearts…but to the clear eye and eloquent tongue, to the soul made of fire, and the character that bends but does not break—at once supple and stable, tractable and consistent—I am every tender and true.”

~Mr Rochester, Jane Eyre.

Not sure if I've posted this before - one of my favourite Nick Cave songs.  If I thought I could get away with it, I'd post reams of his lyrics.  There's something about his words.

Come over here, babe
It ain't that bad
I don't claim to understand
The troubles that you've had
But the dogs you say they fed you to
Lay their muzzles in your lap
And the lions that they led you to
Lie down and take a nap
The ones you fear are wind and air
And I love you without measure
It seems we can be happy now
Be it better late than never

Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come to me

The burdens that you carry now
Well they're not of your creation
So let's not weep for their evil deeds
But their lack of imagination
Today's the time for courage, babe
Tomorrow can be for forgiving
And if he touches you again with his stupid hands
His life won't be worth living

Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come
Sweetheart, come to me

Walk with me now under the stars
For it's a clear and easy pleasure
And be happy in my company
For I love you without measure
Walk with me now under the stars
It's a safe and easy pleasure
It seems we can be happy now
It's late but it ain't never
It's late but it ain't never
It's late but it ain't never

Home safe now, after driving for three hours, contending with the M62, a blizzard of sleet and next to zero visibility.

Have spent most of the last week back in the county of my birth.  Before my Mam died last year, my sister, brother and I really didn't interact so much.  Being the elders of the family now (mostly), we've kind of mutually and wordlessly decided to keep in touch.

It's been nice, but kinda disappointing to hear when their memories of our parents differ from my own, cherished memories.

Still, little nostalgic reflection has been a good thing for me, I think.

Loving the machine head live stream right now

Netflix gives me some brain food I hadn't considered. 

Watching Mindhunter and a scene in which the FBI are interviewing a killer who's into S&M.

He's asked if he's a dom or sub.  He replies that he started out as a sub and says that everyone does.

I appreciate that other doms might disagree, but I certainly spent my youth and teen years being very submissive.

The guy on the program says it's how you learn what a sub wants and how far you can go. 

Maybe so.  Maybe so.