This is is my first blog post, so I will say now that I can only improve (I hope).
This has been bugging me for a while and now after meeting a lovely sub, who was scared to be open in their marriage and then meeting their other half online, and helping them to start being real with each other, I feel like I need to write about it. On my profile I am open that I am married, I have an amazing supportive husband who supports me and accepts me. We fight, we love, we laugh and have great sex. It hasn’t always been this way. We separated for a year and then spent time getting to know one another again. We had real conversations, set boundaries, we cried, we laughed we were raw with each other. We continue to have these open and honest conversations, to communicate. We still fight, we get frustrated with each other but we do not hide ourselves from each other.
I have had multiple conversations with different people, in this community and not, who do not have these conversations. I raise this as if you can’t be honest in the ‘normal world’, with yourself, how can you be honest with what you want in this world? Being honest and open with your slave/sub/domme/dom/master/mistress etc, with each other, is the only way to truly build something but first you have to be honest with yourself. Knowing your wants and needs, admitting them and owning them. Of not being scared to say no to something, to walk away.
I saw my bestie this weekend and listened to someone who I admire, putting everyone else before themselves, talking about everyone else’s needs but not their own. This is not new for her. For a few years now she has been lost but this was the first time she was able to truly acknowledge she no longer knows who she is. She now has to start finding herself so she can realise, again, the amazing woman she truly is. It feels that many people I meet along the way are in the same place but in different parts of their lives.
For me, the only way these dynamics can work is by having those honest conversations, by creating the space to talk and be real, it’s scary, you may be embarrassed but in the end you both know where you stand, what you want and whether it is right for you. Once you have this basic understanding then you can build something truly beautiful from there.
Remember we should never be static, and our wants and needs change and evolve and that is the wonderful part of being human.