I am human. Sometimes I fail, sometimes I can be selfish. I spent my whole life thinking and doing for others. Being alone now, I just want to do things for me. But, I need to remember, it isn’t about me and know that I can let my giving and caring side out and not be trampled and made to feel weak. I tried to forget that side of me.
I like to do little things for those I care about. Things to make their lives easier. Things they wouldn’t do for themselves. It’s instinctive for me to want to lighten someone’s burden. I find it hard to ask for anything for myself. I squashed my desires, my needs, my wants for years. I sacrificed so much for others. Sometimes I feel guilty when I pamper myself when I get my nails done, or get a wax, or a facial. Things I was always told were frivolous and unnecessary. These little things I do now for myself make me feel happy and good about myself.
That is growth for me. Reminding myself I can still do for others while still caring for myself as well. A balance in a way. I still stumble, I am still unsure of myself sometimes. But I am learning.