When everyone's asleep and there's no one to talk to my mind starts to spin, so I write ?
I have hundreds of notebooks with stories I have written and since everyone's asleep tonight and I really don't want to be left alone with my thoughts, I got dressed and headed to my Storage Unit and began going through my notebooks. Most made me cry and others made me laugh...
Then I came across a bin with some of my Aunt's things in it. Letters she wrote to me and postcards she sent me throughout her travels and I sat there alone and crying. God I miss my Aunt! She was the one person who loved me for me, damage and all. Her hugs, God her hugs were the best. She would wrap her arms around you and it felt like nothing could hurt you, that you were safe and loved. She gave me strength on my darkness days. It's been four Years and it still hurts like hell but I've had to push my grief down and once again be the rock for everyone around me, because my grief doesn't count....
So afterwards I was feeling a type of way so I got myself a new Teddy Bear, which I named Hank. We got home and I crawled into bed and began writing. I'm working on a new story and I think it's going to be a good one.
But of course as I got tired I had to stop. I did too much today and pushed myself a little too much and my body is not happy with me. Stupid pneumonia! So now I'm left with my thoughts and Hank. I want to reach out to my loves but that's something they don't need to see when they first wake up, me in a full on anixtey panic attack. Not very sexy. So once again I'm left to my own self drowning night.
I know I'm too hard on myself, but for along time it was just me, I took care of myself and did things on my own. I'm getting okay with the whole opening up and sharing, I just don't want to worry my loves with my emotional moments, when they are sleeping.
So it's just Hank and I tonight!
Violet ? ?