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Not Ashamed Anymore

How do you start off one of those? Do you jump in with both feet or just float there hoping for the best?

Well for along time I was floater. I was ashamed of my needs and wants. I was already an outsider to my family and feeling what I was feeling, would it make it worse?

Then I thought if I step into this life and start looking for a Daddy, would I just been seen as another girl with daddy issues.

Its hard knowing you need something so deeply and badly and know it isn't the "normal". I'm not ashamed of myself anymore, but it does scare me. But here I am jumping with two fit in and I'm hoping to find the right Daddy for me.
6 years ago. Monday, March 11, 2019 at 12:02 AM

So today was exhausting to say the least!

Dealing with a little bit of heartache when I first awoke, to a killer migraine, to lunch with my mom and then a stop by my brother it's just yeah been a day... Who knew you can feel so much in such a short amount of time. Ugh what a feeling that is to be using my feelings again. Usually I just sit there numb and take all the crap that was thrown at me and I move on. Now well apparently I'm feeling everything and I'm not sure that's a good thing! Being told how I'm not good enough, not a good sister or daughter yet again was ugh! I mean Jesus I get it, I suck. Now let's move on already! 

Then getting told by someone special that I'm beautiful, loved and wanted was overwhelming again! It's like I'm being torn into two and don't know what I should be able to trust. Like I don't know how to be or feel beautiful, now that's just fucked up!

All I want is to be wrapped up in someone's arms and protected even if it's just for a little bit. I want to be able to let my guard down and cry ??

 

Can only be strong for so long! Ugh!!

 

Violet and Hank ??

 

 

 

 

 


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