Hello, everyone, my username is SubStanChill, but you can call me Stan. I’m new to engaging with the bdsm community, and I have no clue if I’m unique in terms of background or standard. Regardless here is a little about me and how I got here.
I come from a relatively “traditional” family, with very loving parents and siblings and very close extended family. My second cousin and I joke about how we’re closer as cousins than most first cousins in other parts of the US. And even today I’m in a monogamous marriage with two kids, I work full time and my wife works part time from home (though right now she effectively makes more than I do hourly). If you described my life in an obituary, we’d look like a poster family for a church brochure.
That said, we are very open about how supportive we are of other lifestyles. As long as you are polite and kind to everyone at my table you’re welcome to share a meal with us at it. Although I’m secretive about my kink, I’m an open and staunch advocate of all forms consensual relationships, identities and lifestyles.
And despite my on paper profile, behind closed doors, I’m a chastised sub, who worships and serves his wife. I do the majority of household chores, and if I do everything my wife demands, my most common treat will often be that I get to watch her masturbate or even better, bring her to climax orally, (she tells that it’s the thing I’m best at.)
At the time of writing this, it’s Locktober. My first One. I’ve been at least somewhat aware of this kink in some form for at least 15 years now. I’m 9 days in without an orgasm unless it’s ruined. it’s the longest I’ve ever gone without a full orgasm. On day 6 I had to buy pads because I’m leaking so much that it’s visible through my pants. Honestly… I’m freaking LOVING Every Single Second. Of course If my mind is occupied with my job or my kids then I completely forget about this other stuff. I’m a parent and husband first. Other than that, I’m just in a constant state of near euphoria.
The feeling of being contained, of being denied, of serving my perfect wife. The idea of the humiliation if anyone saw how tiny my dick looks in this cage, and if they saw how I was just leaking as though someone didn’t turn the faucet off correctly. The sensation of my wife giving me any command or even a request. The satisfaction I get from fulfilling the request or when she says good boy pats my butt for going above and beyond. And the extreme sensitivity I have if my wife even grazes my private parts. I’ve never felt this sexually fulfilled in my life.
In someways I’m looking forward to the end of Locktober. I really do miss my wife’s absolutely perfect pussy. Also, my wife is giving this a try for my sake, but she really misses my dick as she gave birth recently and is still recovering, so it’s been a few months since she’s felt it. But I’m honestly hoping she locks me back up when she’s done, only to be freed to address hygiene, and for when she wants to use it.
I honestly don’t want to go back to how I was before. I have depression with very self deprecating verbal tics. Anytime my mind would wander, I’d have an intrusive thought, and whisper, “I hate myself!” Or worse. But now, the only intrusive thoughts I get are of my wife and what I can do to please her. I don’t want to go back. I feel weird saying it, but I’m scared of how long it will be before she locks me up again. I know I could do it myself, but without her, it’s just me not masturbating between sex.
I’m sharing this because I started to wonder how I would feel if the private parts of my life were exposed publicly, how I would react and feel. And I’ve come to the conclusion that yes I would be embarrassed… and not in an arousing way… ok, not JUST in an arousing way. But I would only be embarrassed, not ashamed. I refuse to be ashamed of this desire. It feels absolutely incredible, it’s consensual and it’s within the confines of our marriage. We should only be ashamed if the way we live our lives goes against our espoused values. And this doesn’t.
I’m a chastised sub, who worships and serves his goddess of a wife. I’m a chastised sub who hopes his wife embraces this lifestyle, and keeps him caged the majority of the year for the rest of their lives. I’m a chastised sub who wants fewer orgasms than vacation days and even that’s probably too many. I love feeling humiliated, mocked and belittled by my wife. I love feeling like I’m not man enough to please her with my pathetic locked dick.
But I will NEVER feel ashamed…
Sincerely,
Sub-Stan-Chill.