I’ve seen a few male subs say they want to have an actual femdom relationship/flr. With some nuance baked in, there are only 2 ways to build one. Either find a someone already in the community, and hope you click, or build a vanilla relationship into an FLR. Here I’m going provide advice for the latter. And the best place to start is at the very beginning. This is just my personal opinion from my personal experience.
1. Be confident. It may sound counter intuitive, but confidence and dominance do not necessarily go hand in hand. I think it’s fair to say that most women don’t like it when men brag to their friends every time they have sex. And if most women don’t like it, naturally dominant women do not tolerate it. If she senses that you will hook up with her and then talk about it with the guys later, she is very likely to avoid sex with you all together. Be assertive but discreet. Be direct about wanting her, but comfortable if she doesn’t want you back. Act as though you lost a hand of cards, “oh darn, no big deal, there is always the next hand.” If you can convey this energy, you’ll make it clear to her that you aren’t just interested for yourself, but in her enjoyment as well. Which brings me to my next point.
2. Be a Generous lover. Look, we’re starting out with a vanilla relationship and we’re playing the long game. So, from the start you’ve got prove that you’re an amazing vanilla lover first. So, work on your ability to go down on her. Look up and practice unique (but not bizarre) sex positions that maximize her experience while keeping her comfortable. There are plenty of great moves, find all the ones that fit your body type in general and a few for each body type you find yourself attracted to. But for heaven’s sake, get good at eating her out. You make her cum from eating her out, you’re not only more likely to make her come again during penetration, you’ve also taken off the pressure to be the best performer during penetration. In my experience the naturally dominant women will always come back for another round with a generous lover. Keep in mind, the thought of being in a D/S relationship hasn’t even crossed her mind yet. This is just a great way to both determine if your girl is dominant and expressing to her early on that you prioritize her needs in the bedroom. society puts a lot of pressure on women to not be selfish in bed. To preserve their man’s ego. Imagine the relief when they realize that you’re so confident and generous in bed that she is allowed to be a little selfish…maybe over time she’ll realize that it’s ok for her to not return the favor after she climaxes first.
I know, what you’re thinking.
This doesn’t seem very D/S. Don’t worry, there is more to come, but for now I want to drive home the point that what I’m talking about is a relationship, not just a dynamic. Relationships involve time, patience, trust, and effort. If you go into a relationship concerned only about what you want, it will not work out. Part of me feels elementary for saying this, but if you learn to truly love her, and get her to love you in return, there are pretty much no limits to what she will be open to trying.
to be continued…