Splashes of Sparkle

The sassy Sparkly Princess was being extra cheeky. That level of cheekiness kept growing and growing until all of a sudden it had reached levels that were ridiculous and unnecessary. Then, she chose to simply just shut down! (because that is obviously the most logical answer, right?! *shakes head* ) Trying to deal with things all on her own, she decided that her feelings weren't valid. Or that perhaps her concerns were simply silly so she needed to find a way to figure them out alone. She wasn't handling things well at all and decided to also stop communicating with the Knight that was knocking at the door. Yes, she needed a backhoe at the rate she kept digging that hole. She thought she was doing everyone a favor handling things this way, but really, she just strengthened her self destruct mission.

"How can I be your Dominant if you are not willing to communicate?!" 

*OUCH* 

Suddenly the Princess realized the size of the hole she had been digging, reached out her hand, and allowed the Knight to help her out of that hole. Getting out of the hole meant saying what was on her mind. Getting out of the hole meant honesty and transparency. Getting out of that hole reminded the Princess of something she should have remembered about herself- when she is nervous or feeling anxious, she has been known to become a smart ass or super cheeky. Getting out of that hole actually was a huge release, necessary communication, and made their bond tighter than it was before.

*Now, dear readers, you are probably wondering why on Earth I am sharing this with you! Simply put, perhaps by sharing you might think twice before trying to recreate this award winning Drama! (Believe me, the Sparkly Princess has a theatre background and is well versed in being dramatic, both naturally and professionally!)*

After communication opened the doors, and the Sparkly Princess returned to her normally vibrant self, she had the opportunity to watch the sunset. It was just beautiful, and a reminder that the sun rises and sets EVERY day. The world keeps turning, and it sure is easier to breathe when you aren't in shut down mode 😄 Feelings are valid, concerns are important. YOU are important. Fight for the things that make you a better you, and don't fight against the ones who are willingly extending their hand-the one who is choosing to be there! You (and the sparkly Princess) are NOT too much!

Are you strong enough to let go? Are you strong enough to not fix it? 

I am a strong-willed, sassy pants, energetic sparkly submissive. And I have a really bad habit.... I have realized that I often I attempt to Dom myself. Surely I am not the only one!

The words "maybe we should switch titles, and you be Mistress. Would that be better?!" Are not pleasant words, but they certainly did grab my attention! Most definitely not MY desire. In fact, the mere idea causes a flurry of panic and fluster.

I will think something I am doing needs changed, and often get frustrated. And often, these things are just a part of my personality, a part of who I am. Things that I think might be annoying to others. (That's an entirely different blog post) But, I need to realize and trust if something needed changed,  he would most certainly tell me. I need to trust that! Instead, I just spin myself into a tangle making an issue out of a non-issue. I overthink things. And he patiently spends time helping me unravel myself out of the mess I put myself in.  

It not only is a trust thing, it is also a control thing. It shows me that I am holding on to or trying to control the situation. I am navigating to reach a desired outcome that I have determined to be the right way.

It is a weird distorted people-pleasing desire. Trying to circumvent a problem that doesn't even exist.  (But often creating a new one) That people pleasing desire isn't a bad thing,  but it needs to be honed.  It needs to be refined. Refined to be pleasing in the right ways, the ways that matter. When refined, what a beautiful gift.

Maybe trying to Dom myself is also a fear thing.  A fear of doing something wrong. As I write that, I am shaking my head at how ridiculous that actually sounds. If I have that much fear of doing something wrong, then there are some other issues that need tackled...again. I know where it stems from, and I am dealing with that. The thing is, I do not fear him. Respect, yes. Fear, no! (Nor should I! If he were a scary guy, we would not be where we are)

Lesson of the day: Just breathe and relax into it. Put my control pants away and simply trust the one I have chosen to walk with, and that has extended his hand to walk with me. Trust where he is navigating and directing.

It takes a strong person to let go. 

It takes a strong person to not attempt to 'fix it." Perhaps it isnt broken.

It takes a strong person to allow someone to take the lead. 

While eating dinner this evening,  I asked if they could guess what song was in my head. 

"Ooh I know, is it the Masochism Tango?"

Me: "the what??" 

"Here, listen":

I laughed so hard. 🤣 

That was definitely NOT the song in my head as I took a bite of a very hot potato. No, my friends, my mind was a bit more innocently occupied as I was singing "Hot Potato, hot Potato"....by the Wiggles.

🤣🙊🤣🙈

:) and for those who now have the Wiggles dancing and singing in your head...dont kill me! 💖

maybe I am the tiniest bit of a sadist afterall.....

Or not! 😉 🤣🤣🤣

No, i am not talking about restricting breath with a cloud of glitter! 💖

Yes there is more to Sparkles than you know! I am learning with each adventure to the local BDSM club more things that i enjoy. I have had small experiences with minor breath play, nothing really major. And yes, i quite enjoyed it. Perhaps I will share more about my journey in the local scene sometime soon. However, that is where the BDSM part of my blog stops today. Or does it?

This evening as Sir and I were video chatting, we had our own adventures with breath play. (Yes, he knows I am writing this blog) Folks, do not try this at home 😉😎 We were laughing so hard we couldn't breathe! 🤣🤣🤣 It was too funny. And just when we thought we regained composure and tried to resume the conversation, one of us would lose ourselves in laughter once more. His microphone stopped working 🔇and the skype chat option was delaying like a bad dial up internet connection. ☎️💻 (yes i realize some people may not even know what that means...dial up...lol) He began what i could only call the craziest game of charades i have ever experienced in my life! We certainly can't forget his Italian hands 🇮🇹✋🤘👋 that like to carry on a conversation all by themselves, wild gestures and movements. 😉 And then he started writing things on a piece of paper "yes, no, behave, Good girl, etc."  (Even as i write this and relive the moments, I am laughing hysterically) We all know that once you start that downhill slide into the land of hysterical laughing, tears usually flow, you can't breathe and you feel like you just might die. Are you with me? Ah yes, you have experienced this too! Mass high fives to all of you!

We all have our limits though. He called🛑 because he couldn't breathe! This of course made me laugh even harder! I couldn't help it. I do respect our safety words though, they are in place for a reason. So we tried to reroute the conversation, but in almost no time we started laughing even harder. RED was called once again. Twice in one video chat session. TWICE. This never should have happened 😉 Never be afraid to use your safe words folks! 

*I am in no way making light of real situations that safe words are used.*

Laughing is so important. We can't run around being super serious all the time! Well, at least I can't. Laughter was EXACTLY what was needed for us this evening. He needed a good laugh after a series of stressful days. We flowed in the direction we needed to. There will be plenty of time for all the other lovely stuff in the days to come. Laughter helped us bond together. Laughter made us stronger. Laughter was a huge release. Laughter allows freedom in ways you could only imagine. When was the last time you laughed so hard you thought you were going to die? Or at least so hard that your stomach hurt and you were crying tears of laughter? Or laughed so hard you couldn't breathe? I hope you have had that luxury recently. It is glorious.

When the movements are so intricate and you feel like you will fall, 

trust each other, reach out your hand, don't pull back at all

The dance is for partners, not only just one

Have no fear, My Darling, we are warming up, we've only just begun.

Baby steps first, there is no rush

But, but....No Darling, look at me. Bring your worries to a hush

The waves crash and yet delicately pool into shore

The overwhelming storm is over, yet, leaves you begging for more

How can this be? What the heck is happening to you?

Oh Darling, a forehead kiss, you will be stronger than you knew.

Freefall into the dance, don't hold back, face your fears

When your eyes start leaking, I will gently kiss away the tears.

I'm not saying it will be easy, you know this as well as I

I promise that together we will navigate through, together we learn to fly

Now that we are here, we are stronger you see

Now that we are here...you and me...WE!

We'll walk this path together, through the ups and the downs

The challenges yet to come, the smiles and the frowns

The story is yet unwritten, but don't jump too far or try to read ahead

you will only stress yourself out, just breathe, enjoy the moment instead.

A series of moments, that is the foundation on which we stand

Moments built on moments, just keep holding my hand.

Whatever it is we have, it works, it is good

No matter where this road leads, it will be exactly as it should.

The adventures are just starting, the dance has only just begun

Keep your eyes on me, don't look back, don't run

Here is to the future, to growth and mutually becoming stronger

Today, tomorrow, the next day, and even longer.

<3

Sometimes you just need to get the flowy poetry out. 😄 I am certainly not Dr.Suess. lol 

A word, if you please. I am going to take you on a very personal journey. Thanks for coming along for the ride. My journey here at Cage has brought out the best of me. Parts of me I never knew existed. I have said and done things that I never would have done in any other parts of my life. It is great and wonderful, yet scary and emotional and fun and intoxicating all at the same time. The emotional roller coaster can at times be overwhelming, and the connections (yes, even just online at times) can be beyond description.

  So recently a connection with someone brought about a lot of confusing and hard emotions for me. In fact, I am exhausted by them. Flat out exhausted and spent. From my perspective things were pretty flipping traumatic. However, I'm not quite so sure that is how they saw the interaction. In fact, I am CERTAIN it is not. I always seek to see the best in people, and I am trying to even see the best here. And that is what brought me to write this in the first place. Just because I see, and feel, and hurt, doesn't mean it is the complete truth of the situation. Do not mistake this for invalidating my feelings, not at all. I am thankful i have people in my life who have helped and are helping me to work through these feelings and the situation. What I am doing is giving the benefit of the doubt and validating the other person's perspective.

Why am i doing this, you might ask? Well, because he is a person too.  *People before kink! (Repeat after me: People before Kink!) People before...anything. I want to honor him as a person.He has his own feelings and thoughts. And maybe the motives were exactly what i feel they were, but what if truly they were not?

You see, maybe he read the situation in a way that meant i was saying and doing exactly the opposite of what i meant or wanted. Truly this time that was 100% incorrect! Choose your words carefully, folks. What signals are you sending off, especially unintentionally? We are responsible for those things too. 

It needs to be said that someone's rejection should not be an open invitation for you to try harder to prove your point. This works in most areas of life if we take time to listen to people, both what is being said AND unsaid. Had my words truly been heard, perhaps this blog post wouldn't even exist.  Everything is a learning experience if we allow it to be. 😄 And maybe this blog will encourage YOU to look at things through a different perspective than your own. As the graphic above illustrates, we can look at the same situation yet see it the exact opposite.

Fellow Cage Member, I hope you read this. I hope you can see my heart in this. I truly wish you the best and that you find what you are looking for. There is no ill-will or anything bananas like that. I will still say hi. Even talk. I value you as a person. And i value the places in my life that you touched and things that I learned from you. I do not choose to ignore your existence (believe me, there are people who do just that, and it really sucks when that happens. I know!)

*I am choosing love, choosing to grow and sparkle brighter.

*I am thankful, too, that through this I have learned what a gift it is to have someone who will shoulder the burden for me when things get overwhelming. That he chose to help pick up pieces of the hot mess that I was that day. That I have chosen to walk with someone who releases me from that burden and guides me gently as we move on, gifting me with boundaries that are helpful for both my sanity and my safety.

*Thankful for patience and guidance when i desperately needed it from a beautiful friend. She has been an amazing help to me in this situation, as well as other moments along the way. She encourages me and assures me that most of these things are normal and I am not a complete whackadoodle.

*For the friend that pushed me to do the right thing, even though it was the hard thing. You were also the first to encounter my emotional hot mess express self that day, and you didn't take advantage of it in ANY way. THANK YOU! Your integrity means a great deal. 

*I am thankful that today is a new day, a new perspective... 

I am not really a science person, in fact chemistry was a huge challenge for me. However, I cannot seem to get away from the word CUTE. More appropriately, I cannot get away from being called cute. I am neither a little girl in a frilly pink dress (although pretty, frilly, pink and sparkly are all things that I really enjoy!) or a small cute puppy dog. I am a nearly 38 year old woman. Yet, I continue to be called cute, quite frequently. This has caused me to take pause and perhaps examine a bit.

I have come to the conclusion that cute is not a bad thing 😄 In fact, depending on who is saying it, it can be a very good thing. An endearing term. Each time that descriptive has been placed upon me has been following something that I have said, or done, or thoughts that I expressed. The common denominator is that each time-each action, each thought, each word has been from my heart because that is how i roll. I love doing things for other people, i love making people smile. I love going out of my way to brighten someone's day. It makes me smile, it fills my cup to pour myself out like that. So if that makes me cute, if my expressions and views of life make me cute or adorable-so be it 💖 it simply comes down to changing perspective.

Creative. I thrive on creative energy, and it is sometimes child-like. I see the world through innocent eyes, see the best            in others. (No, i didn't say i was INNOCENT! big difference!)

U-Unique. Well, aren't we all?

T-Tender hearted. I wear my hear on my sleeve. I lead with it. i work from it. I serve with and from my heart. always.

E-Encouraging. We need more encouragement! And if i can help with that I will.

So I will enjoy being cute. Really, it isn't a bad thing. There are many many other words i would have bigger issues with if someone decided to throw them at me. :)

So an interaction today reminded me that I need to continue improving when it comes to accepting compliments.

I LOVE giving compliments to people. It fills me up to encourage other others. And I do this genuinely, not simply for the sake of doing it. (That's just wrong!) I am genuine with my words. 

Over the years I have trained myself to accept compliments a from others, and truly believe them. Every now and then, I still get caught by surprise!

When someone tells me how wonderful or awesome I am, for example. My immediate response is usually something like

"why? I didnt do anything special. I'm just being me." 

And now the, "Centi's a lucky guy" comments. I expressed today to a friend that I am quick to say I am lucky in this, however, I am not so quick to acknowledge or accept the opposite. It ISN'T that I doubt my contribution, quality, involvement or what I bring to the table. Or that i think i'm not good enough. (See blog from the other day) I simply had not thought about it in those terms before, that he is lucky.

I fall back to my response earlier of "Why? I'm simply being me." Well, simply being me IS extraordinary, and sparkly, and unique, and special. 💖🤗😊 and not everyone is so lucky to get to know me that well. 😎

Moral of the story: accept the damn compliment. Just accept it, don't Over think or analyze it to death. Don't find reasons to prove people wrong when they give a compliment. And...you can even enjoy it 💖

 It should come as no surprise that I, like many others here, am an audiophile. Music speaks to me. It touches me deeply, moves me. Music and harmonies are a beautiful part of this adventure of life and love, relationships.

  I smile as I think of the music that has been shared in the blogs recently. What a diverse crew we are! Just this morning alone musical selections from Jason Mraz, Imagine Dragons, and NeYo have been shared. And my selection of music that speaks to my heart is on yet another end of the spectrum- it's from the musical Finding Neverland. 

This song speaks so strongly to me right now. It encompasses so much of how I am feeling recently. (Yes, I know, changes in relationships tend to do that to people!) It is beautiful with ebbs and flows, vocalizing my own thoughts, yet so graciously penned by someone else ;) 

"I wont lie, Im a little bit frightened by my imagination.

I swear I'll try, I'm feeling enlightened, you're my inspiration.."

...

"Every star that's ever fallen, knows the way to where we're going. Now I know just what you mean to me.."

Here's to the adventure....💖😊🤗

Just in case you needed a reminder today....💖